It's so easy
to create emotions-
what's difficult is holding onto
those emotions.

I find peace
in solitude-
emptying my soul
into the crowds and
refilling with each
strike of the pen.
Rinse and repeat.

Just know that there is
no place I go where you do not follow,
that there are no days that you are forgotten,
that this silence is a loud longing for you
and that the beating in this chest is
the desire to hold you again.
I close my eyes for yet another night
wondering when we will meet again.
But until then, it is in these dreams
where we will have to meet,
where this love remains eternal.

Our time was brief-
so brief that you left
without really arriving.
I did not even have the time
to say goodbye to you.
Our time flashed before my eyes,
and just like that,
we were strangers
again.

There was something
quite not right when I
last saw you-
I couldn't put my finger on it
but I could tell you weren't there-
the you I used to know.
Perhaps it were the flames
that had left your eyes or the
magic absent in your smile that
had brought forth this darkness
that shrouds us to this day.
Yes, you sowed the seeds of our demise
on that day and I was too hopeful,
too in love and too naïve
to see the signs.

Some memories come
in the form of angels and
some in the form of demons.  
You won’t survive the
mental hell if you let
the demons stay
for too long.

I will not ask you to stay-
you don't owe me anything.
I know you will leave
and there is nothing I can say
to change that.
Our time is coming to an end
and though you will say goodbye,
that doesn't mean my
heart will reciprocate.

There is a
cancer of myself
that is waiting to be cut,
bled and beaten out of me
so that a healthier,
stronger me will
heal in its place.

Your heart
has been shattered,
but fear not,
let time run its course
and before you know it,
you will find the strength
to pick up the pieces
and find that they reflect
more light than they used to.

I wasn't in search of anyone
or anything-
until I found you.
And I have been looking
for you ever since.

I don't need to ask
if you still think about me-
I know you do.
I refuse to believe that our memories
held no weight on your soul
nor our love upon your heart.
I don't think I'd believe you
if you told me otherwise.
We can't run nor hide from these feelings
so let's stop wasting our time.
You've got to still feel something,
just as I have after all this time,
I'm sure you still feel it.
I am there,
and you are here,
two hearts that used to be one-
that can never be undone.

My heart beats
a little louder when I
hear your name.
It must know how alone
I really am.
Sometimes, I hear the sound
bouncing off the walls.
I swear it sings
your name.

Dear diary;
Sometimes I wish
I could stop existing-
no, not to die,
but just to stop feeling-
just to stop being.

What I wouldn't give
to get lost in your tangled
hair just one more time

10:52 PM
7/3/21

If I am going
to be a lesson I hope
I was a good one

6:22 PM
15/8/21

Tourists pass through
day after day and
these ruins start to forget
that they're ruins at all.

We write to cleanse-
to rid these feelings from our system
whether it be the butterflies in our bellies
or the demons that lurk our minds.
There is no lying to the page-
this pen knows us better
than we know ourselves.
It takes an honest soul to
bleed onto the page,
each word a heartbeat
and a trail that follows us
through this life.

It is time to accept
that you are not coming back.
It is for the best-
I would not accept you.
What betrays me once
will surely betray me twice
and as many times
as it needs to.

How can a woman
be so sweet and so spicy
all at the same time?

11:04 PM
14/4/20

The heart
learns to heal
and beat again,
but never to
the same
rhythm.

When your loneliness
fades away, will I still be
your favorite one?

2:12 AM
7/7/21

It's a dog eat dog world, baby,
and I simply found myself
at the bottom of your
food chain.

nothing and no one
interests me anymore-
they are all the same

5:04 PM
27/6/21

We should not fear
falling in love,
for it is not love that is the problem.
We are in love with everything from
our friends to our family,
from sunsets to sunflowers.
It's falling so hopelessly in love
with someone where there's a chance
that love will end so fast,
not knowing when or why,
that you wonder what the point of
falling in love was
in the first place.

I am terrified
when I am not
feeling numb.

A ****
will grow
anywhere it can.
I suggest we
do the same.

There are souls
so bright that,
when you are in their presence,
the sunflowers gravitate,
the stars are outshone
and the world is
all the more
brighter.

At the end of the
day all I want to do is
make you smile more

11:42 PM
15/5/21

I got tired of fantasizing,
of giving into the illusions and
drowning myself in nostalgia that
I can no longer attain.
I am tired of chasing a ghost,
but tomorrow I may give
into the haunting
once again.

The joy of a
thousand sunflowers
leaves my heart brimming with joy.
You make me want to
plant a thousand more.
Hand in hand,
let's get lost in the yellow fields
we grew together.

Grief may take different forms
but it is there every day.
Some days it weighs on us more than others,
so much that you cannot breathe as if
crushed by the gravity of a
black hole in your heart-
it consumes all that it orbits
and not even light nor joy can escape its grasp.
Sometimes grief can be a burning sun
or a barren, cold moon
forsaken by its planet
all too long ago.

So much distance,
but not between our hearts.
So cold is the night,
but so warm are the memories
we share forever.

You are not
the antagonist
for every story.
Not every story
is about you-
sometimes we have
to learn to see
other people too.

When I laugh, I cry,
a gentle reminder of how
I cannot bring moments of joy
to your attention.
To share with you the joy,
the love, the world,
would trump these things combined.
You are not here anymore,
to share what I share,
to love what I love,
to learn what I learn.
I wonder 'what if',
what could have been,
and where we would be now-
perhaps we would be sharing the joys
we experience in this parallel existence.
But you live your own moments of joy now,
and that alone is enough,
to bring me joy.

We can’t try
to make sense of
the **** the universe or
what other people
throw our way.
Just know that whatever
they throw your way,
it says more about them
than it does
about you.

There are some
thoughts and memories
that you try to lock away
and throw away the key-
those **** thoughts
that open the floodgates
of torment and shame
if thought about for
just a moment.

Sometimes
you just need to
disappear for a moment
to rekindle the spark
so you can burn
another day.

It took me far too long
to realize that some people
just. don't. care.
Whether they hurt you,
intentional or not,
they just. don't. care.
And they'll go about their lives
with not an afterthought about you.
It's a cold world out there-
be careful who you let in.

Isn't it ironic when
our pain helps us to write?
So much so that we get so
caught up in the inspiration that
we let the happiness pass by.
We hold onto that pain and
squeeze every last drop
of ink until our
work is done.

Maybe I'll disappear.
Maybe I'll find
peace of mind or
lose my mind.

Learn to separate
the blue from the skies
from the blue in
your heart.

Sometimes the best way
to love is to understand
your partner's silence

6:29 PM
10/10/24

I sleep alone with
empty arms but that's okay-
it is nothing new

11:20 AM
5/8/21

Dear Diary;
I don't want to let go
because I am afraid of
what life would be like
without them.
To be honest,
I don't want to know.
I'd rather spend every day saddened
by your absence than to
forget your name.

My soul still searches
for you from time to time.
Sometimes it finds you in the sunflowers
in all its beauty and aura
this world has been
blessed with.

I wandered too far
from who I was and now
I cannot find my way back to me.
I know that I am still out there
waiting to be found,
waiting to feel alive,
and waiting to love
again.

How can I love you
when I still have not yet learnt
how to love myself?

6:20 PM
13/6/21

You would think
that we would be caring
for one another by now.
In a world so cruel,
why would we
go at it
alone?

There are those in life
who make you want to say
'I love you'
and there are those
who make you want to say
'*******'.
I want to be the one
who makes you want to say
both.

It was your spark that
lit this divine fire within this heart.
I am convinced that it
will burn forever.