the thought of you still lingers in my room
and every time i return
i am faced with the reality
that you’re never there.

so why can i still feel you in my bones?

you’ve faded from my memory
and slipped from my touch.
you haunt me
like a forbidden fantasy
yet you’re the paradise i crave when i’m alone.

i’m still looking for the version of america that was taught to us in school.

the america where the flag that stands
stands for everyone’s freedom,
not just those whose skin is made of porcelain.

the america where those who protect and serve
protect and serve everyone,
not just those whose skin is made of porcelain.

the america where all are welcomed
and we welcome everyone with open arms,
not just those whose skin is made of porcelain.

but i guess this is only the america that lives inside my head.
the america that never existed.
where “everyone is free”
yet everyone whose skin isn’t made of porcelain is seen as a felon, a ‘bad man’, a walking disease, a theft...
as an inferior.
and the stars and the stripes that so gloriously fly
even in the darkest of nights
no longer stand for freedom.
because this “freedom” only applies to those whose skin is made of porcelain.

what makes the porcelain people so different than those whose skin is made of velvet?
when the version of america where that question is answered exists, take me there
because
no one is free, until everyone is free.

our love was dipped in luxury
and you were made of gold
i always liked pretty shiny things
until they got old
golden eyes, 2am nights
made loving you seem worth it
but secrets, lies, and unresolved fights
made loving you a burden
they could have hung us in the louvre
had we stayed in gold forever
but we were only carat plated
and nickel at our center

we love flowers when they’re already dying.
we water them,
trying to save them.
trying to keep them for as long as we can.

you watched my petals fall to the ground.
but that’s okay.
because that’s when we love flowers the most.

i remember watching the sunrise with you
i couldn’t help
but get lost
in the depths of your eyes
tinted with the golden sunlight.
you felt forbidden.

i remember picking up
the glitter after the party
and every time our hands met
it felt like
i was touching paradise
but then i remembered
you were forbidden,
and i had been forbade.

when i looked into your eyes
they were pooled with tears
that led to streams
all caused by the storm
that you-
that i-
that we started
even in our darkest hour
i still got lost in your eyes
i would've drowned in the largest ocean
before i stopped loving you
except
i never stopped loving you
i never got to tell you that
and i wish i would have

when i told you to leave
all i really meant was stay