i feel very extra sometimes…
    
    i feel very used sometimes…

            i feel like a dandelion when it wears its’ coat of fluff…
        
    people pick me up and admire then

******* away, forgetting about

me until i plant my seeds for the next bloom…

            more and more and more of me spread,
            
    too many places i am in now.

i’ve been blown too far, so i cannot
    
    find myself among the flowers.  i am just

            a **** that only people with childish innocence

    would bother gazing upon and

and i wish that i could just die.
    
                i feel very extra sometimes
                                and i wither with grief.

111016

to my dear heart.
    
    Are you still there? I do miss you so very much. this vacancy hasn’t been taken and I’m not looking to fill it with anyone else’s. (but if we’re being real, who would want to give me their heart anyway, I’d probably break it)


to my love.
    
    where did you go? it’s so very cold without you. I don’t seem to feel as much anymore and I’m yearning for a feeling. something. (other than this superglue sadness) I still don’t know how to get this sadness off my shoulder, you were the one that always helped. Please come back. (being honest, i miss you more than the others)


to the glimmer behind my eyes.

    what killed you? was it that illogical mess that controls the rest of you. was it that demon named anxiety feasting away in the night that kept your eyes glued to the ceiling where light never crept. (but let’s be logical. you have the light unless it it’s the sun’s first or last breath, and you can’t bear that anymore either)


to my brain.

what the **** are you doing? I know you’re bad with chemistry, but please figure out the imbalances. it’s too much of something or not enough of another and it’s getting me more and more ****** up everyday. I’m not suppose to be this sad, do you know that?
I’m not supposed to be this sad.
there’s no reason (though, sadness is your muse and she is the most beautiful disaster)


to myself- as a whole entity.

    I hope you know it’ll be okay at some point. I hope you find some source of happiness, love, warmth. I hope you find that someone that __________.


to death.

    this tunnel is too long to have no light at the end.

there’s a coldness in your eyes
and it’s coming from your heart

I can tell when you hear the songs you feel hollow
the echos of the words bounce around in your bones and
paralyze the warmth of arms
.

every way out of this is just out of your reach and it’s fading fast
you stretch and kick but it’s too far. the strain is unbearable
you slowly fade into a gray hole.
inescapable  

you’re lost to yourself

you’ve become numb
a slate of nothing

the rain no longer satisfies your feeble body and the unquenchable melancholy death

it’s pulling you deeper in that unforgiving hole
in the deep dark pit of your stomach where love once inhabited


the hurt is you.


you've been overcome and the devil of regrets and all his evil own your broken beaten soul

his caffeine kisses below gray eyes
pulled me out from my body and into the light.
our tongues danced behind our fragile lips and
tiny love bites graced time
marking seconds and our bodies intertwined
lying on a teenager’s bed.
and his arms fit perfectly in the arch of my back
and my arms grasped his shoulders because
he was the only thing I was holding on for.
-

I am a child of the stars
Conceived from stardust
And sketched from the kisses of Orion.

I am a child of Jupiter
Formulated from the amber streaks that pinch my frame together
And the unknown beneath the surface.

I am the child of the Milky Way
From the exploding stars that burrowed in my eyes and my heart
And the nebulas that are trying to piece themselves together.

I am a part of the sky that happened to fall down and bruise my skin with dirt
From the bones under the grass
And the charcoal smudges speckling my back.

I am a child of the black hole
Whispered into my ear and filled my brain with darkness
And rests in the bottom of my stomach.

I am a child of the sun
That puts the warmth in my body
And fight the darkness in my head.

I am the child of the stars
Conceived from stardust.


Watch me shine.

sometimes people tell me that
my cheeks get red and bumpy after
my tears have dropped down them.
And sometimes it looks like the sun has kissed me in my eyes and
overpowered the darkness behind.
And sometimes it leaves freckles on my cheeks and I like them.
so I cry a little longer.
holding on to the beauty behind the salty streams and
the external effect to the internal intent of these sun tears that
freckle my cheeks.