I’m beginning to forget the difference between your body and mine
hold me close to your sunlight
you are the gentlest of all the gentle things
I love you without exception

I was angry with myself
for never understanding when it is time to put hope to rest
for never knowing what love was and allowing you to define it
after a while, you learn that people are allowed to leave you
it hurts, the way endings always do
but begging them to stay hurts more
and you learn
you learn to see in yourself what you wanted them to
you learn to lift your roots from their heart and plant them beneath your own
you learn the subtle difference between infatuation and commitment
you learn you could swallow the person you love whole and you still couldn’t keep them forever
because loving someone does not guarantee they will love you back
I know lately it feels like no one really cares if you’re coming or going
this is the time to fall in love with your solace

what are thoughts and prayers without exertion
give me a guideline on how to hide from a stranger
shooting up a grocery store
but ignore the warning signs of a mass shooter
buy me a bulletproof vest to send my child to school in
because we care more about the right to own a gun than the right to protect innocents
this is not about what the rights are for, but for what they are being utilized
we cannot have compassion for the wounded without outrage for the wound itself
we cannot be okay with avoidable tragedies for the sake of pride

time fades and makes it's way through my fingers like my palm is full of rain
and I know that I don't have time to worry about feelings unreciprocated
I'll love without expectation
if equal affection can never be achieved
at least I can be the one who loves more

I made you into something you were never worthy of being
I built a castle out of ruins and laughed along while you burnt it down
someday, you'll return to those ashes and realize what you walked away from
I brush off the last memories of you and go on my way
there's no room in my future for you to seep into

love me no matter where I am
love me when I don't have it figured out, when you aren't ready
love me when I'm anxious, when I'm mean
love me because love is not timing and it is not circumstantial
I love you because it doesn't hurt
I love you because nothing scares you
I love you because you dug up the pieces of me I wanted to bury
I love you because I'll never have to ask you to love me too

This is how it starts.
It's promises that feel like contracts and the feeling that this time, you got it right.
It's parking lot confessions and I like you so much it hurts.
It's I'm scared to lose you and you aren't even mine.
It's everything that's hurt has led me to you.
It's don't get out of the car, kiss me one more time.
I don't want to sleep without you tonight.
It's sunday morning.
It's a feeling in your stomach that makes you sick.
It's disappointment and it's why didn't I see this coming.
You don't want to feel it, but you can't help but drown in it.
It's bad timing.
It's do you still think of me?
It's 2 a.m.
It's don't answer that because I'm terrified of your response and ignorance is bliss.
It's bringing up memories that I should've put to rest the day you changed your mind.
It's crossing the street to avoid me.
It's my lip burning at the thought of never kissing you again.
It's I deleted your number and you're in a different city and I hope I never feel this much again.
This is how it ends.