You sit there by the phone
Waiting
Waiting for it to ring because you know the minute you leave it alone

Buzz
                                          Buzz
           ­                                                                 ­       Buzz

But you can’t hear it

Until you get back to see a missed call
But it is a missed call from someone you didn’t want to talk to
You are waiting for that special person to call you
To tell you about their day
You miss their voice
Their voice has given you comfort in the past but now they need you
They need you to be strong for them
But for you to do that
You have to hear their voice
Hear how broken they could be
But you missed their call
You try calling them back

Ring
                                        Ring
                                                                ­                  Ring
Nothing

So you just sit there
Waiting
Waiting for them to call you back now

Have you listened to one song on repeat just to focus on the meaning behind it?
That one song that takes you to a nice moment
That moment in the car with the windows down
Blasting the song and screaming every single word
You have a huge smile on your face because you know you love this song
Then there are the songs that hit the soul
The songs that can make you cry
Sometimes listen to the songs that make you cry because it helps get through tough times
Songs that can make you angry about a moment where things were bad
Yet you still listen to them because it reminds of the good moments within the angry moments
There are some songs that not everyone can listen to
Prime example, I cannot listen to A Great Big World: Already Home  
It makes me cry but I listen to it when I know I need a good cry
My favorite song to listen that makes me happy is P!ATD: Dancing’s Not A Crime
Depending on the day, you are having that tells you what kind of music you’ll be listening to

Slowly breaking its spine
Looking at that new front
Seeing the beauty within the title
The cover can give you an idea of the adventure you are about to take
Be ready to get attached to either the protagonist or the antagonist
You could even get attached to one of the secondary character
Holding that new book
You could smell the pages are still in that fresh new book
Once you start the book, you know you can’t put it down
One more page
One more chapter
Until you realize that you just finished your book
This adventure takes you to different universes
Different countries
Teaches you new languages
Don’t know how to speak Spanish, well I guess it’s time to learn for this chapter
Falling in love with the relationships within the book
Using the characteristics to finding your next person
Teachers used to tell us “reading is fundamental”
I will give them that
Reading became fun for me
The adventures I have gone on from reading has been the best
I got a letter to Hogwarts from reading Harry Potter series
Became a shadowhunter thanks to the Mortal Instruments series
I fought in the hunger games with Katniss
Stayed on team Jacob in the Twilight saga
Went to Camp Half-Blood with Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase
And many more to add to that list
Reading has helped me escape that scary thing called
Reality

The little things make me happy
Taking walks in the rain with one of my best friends while talking about life
Singing out my favorite songs that makes me smile
Belting out wrong notes knowing that I won’t care about who is around to hear me
Sitting in a Barnes & Noble talking about everything
Chilling in my room watching any movie or show
Dancing around as I go to classes
Knowing that my friends will always be there for me, supporting me in all my worst times
When things get tough
I think of the happiest moments in my life
My sister actually understanding me
Getting my dogs
Meeting my 2 best friends in the whole world
Graduating high school
….soon to be graduating from college
Realizing that I am graduating from college
Going out into the real world, “I’m good, I don’t want that yet”
It may be scary, but I will have my friends by my side giving me new ways to smile
I am ready for what the world has in store for me
As long as I can find ways to smile
My smile is my weapon
No one can take that away from me, even if they tried…
They have a line of people to get through before coming to me
My happiness is one of my best traits
I make friends with it
The little things get me through the bad days
Those little things have kept me going and kept me strong
Kept pushing me to go bigger and better
One best friend has been there for me since 8th grade
Not a day goes by that we don’t remind each other that we appreciate each other
The other best friend walked into my life with Thor’s hammer this past year
I remind them that no one is taking me away
No refunds to either of my best friends because I wouldn’t want to return them ever
The minute that happens, that’s when I am going to an asylum for my bad decisions
When people ask me...what is something that makes me happy?
I say, hanging out with one of my best friends
No one makes me happier than those two weirdos
I wouldn’t trade them in for anything
What are the little things that make you happy?

Walking in the dark night can be terrifying
Unless you have a friend by your side
Or if you know where you’re going
Night can be scary sometimes, not because it’s dark
It’s because you don’t know what is ahead of you
You could be walking on a path but even that path isn’t lite
This path is your life.
Now I am not saying that you don’t know where your life is leading you
You could be one of those people that have had your life planned since you were 10
Then there are the people that just go with the flow
Not going to lie...I envy those people
I personally am in between both types of people
I plan maybe a year in advance…
If things change then I am quick to just say “Oh well, that’s okay”
But that’s me
I’ve seen people go crazy about planning before
I’m good...I don’t need that craziness in my life
My craziness comes from the night
The night has made my brain confused
In a good way, don’t get me wrong I love the night
The night has given me new adventures
New stories
New friends
Everything about the night for me is good
I was told that the night could be the best thing in the world
Watching the sun fall on a bad day
Seeing the moon of a new night
Feeling the sun rise for a better day
Last time I broke night was for a college class
The entire time…I was in a lab with no windows in it
I walked out of lab to see the sun shining between the buildings
Working thru that night was tough because even if I couldn’t see the moon
I knew it was high in the sky waiting for me to walk around my campus
Waiting for me to walk around singing all my songs
Talking about my day as the wind blows through my body
Wishing that some people were different
Hoping that everyone could be happy in their lives just like me
The night can be terrifying though

Did you hear that?
That shear pain
That sounds like scratches on a chalkboard.
That horrible sound that makes you think of the last rejection from your crush.
Did you think about that one moment that everyone around you knows the truth about you but you
That’s funny because you see the truth all around you,
All you could hope is that no one notices all the issues in your life
Everyone sees what’s going wrong in your life while you are putting on this big cheese smile,
Knowing that your whole world is on fire
And I don’t mean a little campfire fire, I mean a fire that could take out an entire country
A fire that could burns you from the inside out.
You can tell who have been fighting this fire within themselves
It’s worse when all the people involved end up acting like they know nothing
You just have to sit there and wonder what is going to happen next
This is that moment that you hear that shear pain all over again
You feel that fire that burned you
Sometimes you just got to think about how you got there
Did you ever think that someone is setting you up to fail?
That’s something I always thought about
Why, why would someone like myself think that way?
Well, let’s get real.
Everyone has an agenda, whether you were meant to be there or not.
That agenda changes more times than I do into an outfit to go out in
Which is upsetting because all I do is try on different sets of shirts to get told
“Just wear that, no one is going to care”
Sorry that I actually care about my appearance
Sorry that you wanted me to just choose one shirt
But I am not sorry for making myself look different
Because when I am out, I want to be a different person
That is my moment to meet someone new,
Every time I’ve gone out with my friends I made at least one new friend
So I am not sorry for trying on different sets of shirts to remind myself that I am meeting someone new
Someone that didn’t know I was going to change their agenda
But one thing I will always notice is that once you change someone’s agenda
Your agenda stays the same,
This one person I met at a bar
We chatted it up, I learned they lived in my same borough, they got me a couple of drinks
All I gave them was my Facebook profile…
Clearly I was making “a move” as my best friend told me
That’s the moment that I questioned where my agenda was taking me
My agenda wanted me to feel that shear pain again
But it raises the question of why does being nice have to look like flirting now?
How does that make sense?
So if I compliment your outfit, does that mean that I want you in my bed?
No...it means that I think your outfit is cute
I just can’t even comprehend that thought process of how we got to that point
My mother always told me to be nice to everyone
I guess that would make me a flirtatious person…
But guess what I am not that person
I’m the person that fights for what I believes in
Fights for the people closest to my heart
This is all about that shear pain that makes me think of a scratching on a chalkboard
That shear pain wasn’t created physically
It was all about the words that was said aloud to me

2 years of pain,
2 years of heartbreak,
2 years of ******* healing.
I still cry when I tell our story, it’s not because I miss you, no.
It’s because once I start hitting the end of our story, I feel alone again
Knowing that you care about me, makes my heart ache, actually no not ache more like break.
If you cared, you wouldn’t have messaged me...but you did and I don’t know how to react.
It’s just funny that you decided to apologize this year...why this year? Why now?
Like I appreciate the apology but sadly I don’t forgive you.
I will never forgive you for the main reason of putting me in the worst spot by making me believe that we both felt the same for several months.
Having that reality check has put me in a bad state of mind.
But hey, look at that it’s 2 years later and I am still healing from the line
“I didn’t love you for 5 months now.”
Thanks for the 2 years of silence
Thanks for reminding me of one my worst moments