The truth inside you will be a whisper
The most quiet sound.

No one would hear it, not even you

And as that voice in multitudes it said you will

And it said a word that shook your body
It shook your being
Every foundation - every cell - every experience
The sense of being shattered

And the broken pieces that bottled, closed, and caged you
In an invisible prison - one in which you never saw - these pieces
Will be a reminder...

For every time you think the past is catching up again...
You will stomp your feet harder: time and time again

This is the Real
Me

Years went by and a single dream
Intoxicated me like none other.

Willow leaves whispered silent lullabies
And the sunlight's rays poured into my haze
I stared longingly at the possibility.............

Yet these lustful diaries
so forbidden,
so drunk with rich fantasies,
the smell of each thought
fumed with tempestuous spirits
dragged me under into the lonely abyss.

And the fantasized romance became torture
and freedom -
limitation and liberation all at once.
This dream was a playground.
A sanctuary, a church to let my spirit soar.
Glorious joy I could feel, but only for a second

Then, the truth sank in
like a sinking ship  

The shackles of a single question still haunts me
-- what if?
And I wonder.

The pain is dull, haunting, yet hangs over me constantly
I am reminded that I remained in my dream world.
Unable to speak up,
From the wisdom of the pure heart

Unable to see the dream was always on this earthly plain
In plain sight.

In frustation, rage, and pain
Silent pain

I flip through my poetry account


-- God damm it. I have done this before

It felt so disappointing
To have

All I knew

Become something so distant.

So strong, so intensely -- like there was nothing that could stop me.
Nothing that could show me another way

And I felt so
Sadly, truthfully fallen
So broken

------ I could not speak ----

And every where I look the voice
inside me says
stay

But I felt so small. Something felt so wrong
So I asked
What do I do.

And nothing -- but you said to you --
Get through it all.
Just live
Just pass
Just go

And my head, my mind. This idea
Inside.
This reality
Where am --------------
I/////


The blank spaces. the intense thought, become
nothing
everything/
something

I am falling
Or am I diving
???

still I say -
I lost it all
in one night


I have never felt
so empty

yet so full

Now,
Listen.

CAn you?

Listen.

Plead to listen.
It’s yours
It’s always been yours


No one has such power
The voice inside

It pleads
It asks
It begs

It may shake you
_____

But - dont - forget —-
The power
The poWER
It’s all yours
It’s never going to leave you.

No matter how much you turn your cheek -
You push it;
Scream;
Claw;
Burn;

It will sit quietly
Closed
Eyes...
calmly

When you open your hands.....
It will say
..gently..
Quietly .........
...............Lovingly.

“Dear, I have been waiting for this my entire life”

Maybe I can - said she
The little petals seemed like crowned jewels...
And I breathed

Something more.

It felt like connection
Sense
This deepness

I have never known
And I felt I could.
The stars seemed like guides.

And. I knew — where my compass....

Directing me
Slowly

Blows my sails