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Ignore my tired gait and red rims
The hint of discolor on my pale skin
The mirror exposes naked sin
The pain behind my forced grin
This battle I will never win
The unending struggle to be thin
I used to hate my body and went through a phase where i would throw up after eating and I was using unhealthy methods to try and lose weight. Now I am a trim 103 and i miss having ***** and a ****. I wish i could slap 135 lb me in the face because although i had some chub i would much rather go back to that then be skin and bones like i am now, although only being 5'2 i look alright.
If you want to make
Me happy leave and never
Speak to me again
If you really want what is best for me then you would go somewhere far away where i would never have to see you again. Not hang out at my parents house and manipulate them with guilt trips about your dead dad and how alone you are. You don't want my happiness, you want your own, regardless of how it affects me.
Why is life so unfair and cruel?
Is there a reason I live with a graveyard in my head?
How come all my past mistakes haunt me?
Will I ever stop lying awake in my bed?

Do the sleepless nights ever come to an end?
When will I finally have relief?
What do these ghosts of regret and pain want?
How do I vanquish the undead thoughts and greif?

How do I change for the better?
Am I destined to stay who I am?
Can I defeat my inner darkness?
Will I ever be more than a flickering hologram?

Are there any signs of life in my smile?
Has the spark faded completely from my eyes?
Will I ever be more than a breathing puppet?
When will I stop living for these temporary highs?
More questions eating my brain..
Laugh at my anger
Shrug off my tears
I run upstairs
Red burning my ears

For the thing you asked
I did my very best
Instead of helping
I made a big mess

Now you deny
What I treasure most
Your love and attention
To you I am a ghost
This is another old one, about my brother, he used to be mean when we were kids.. I guess he still is haha. Siblings, right?
I already gave
You a thousand chances yet
You still want one more
You shouldn't need that many chances, if you were going to fix the problem you would have done it a long time ago. Besides, I am with someone who would do anything to make me happy now, and you are not capable of giving me the one thing i need to be satisfied. I guess some things never change.
 Apr 2018 Kelly Rose
Mary-Eliz
rainbows and rain
smudged windows on trains
singing and playing
dancing and swaying

forests, woodlands green and lush
passionate scenes that can make one blush

sighing and moaning
forgiving, atoning
heartbreak and sadness
sweetness and gladness

musical notes falling like leaves
swirling round and round autumn trees

seasons and changes
and wide-open ranges
smiles and laughter
the here and the after

skies cloudy, skies clear
tiny sailboats seen from the pier

ocean breeze, crashing waves
undersea caverns and caves
flying and falling
creeping and crawling

creatures that swim in the deep
ones that awake while we sleep

dreaming and hoping
struggling and coping
sun, moon and stars
lands that are far

nightmares, ungodly fears
cold blood, hot sweat, unstoppable tears

lightning and thunder
the above and the under
soaring and hovering
healing, recovering

creeks, lakes and seas
dark prisons without any keys

chains and locks
deep rivers, smooth rocks
reality, fantasy
wanting to flee

we write it all down
we write it all here
it makes us feel better
it makes us feel freer
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