I lay here picturing how this school year will be,
Even though I know it will never be what I imagine,
There will be drama, and hurt feelings,
Tears, and laughter, love, and love loss,
Laying here I'm anxious to find out, but also scared,
I'm not a really shy person, but my insecurities always seem to drag me away from my true potential,
Maybe this year will be full of good memories,
Maybe it will be my worst year,
But it does no good to lay here,
Torturing myself with the "maybes"  Or "what ifs' "
I have to live and endure it to truly find out

Cold air bites and nips
At my bare fingers
Big soft flakes of the first snow
Land on my face
I look into the sky
Flooded with endless amounts
Of falling flakes
Swirling
And dancing
Until they reach the ground
And melt to water
I surprise myself
When I giggle
And shake the snow from my hair
Treading on down the wet sidewalk
My feet numb
My coat bound tight
Maybe this year I'll give snow
A chance

Born without the gift of intellect
Not a choice, not something to predict
Wishing that he could just be smart
Never knowing it would tear him apart
Never knowing a woman's soft embrace
Cannot remember his family's face
Just a boy without grace
Was he happy? Or was he misplaced?
But then he was fed by the gift of science
Never knowing it was a deadly alliance
Sacrificed his only life
To lay beneath the operations knife
Smarter and smarter Charlie became
A young at mind a foolish boy without a name
Thought a brain to see the world would give him rest
Until he realized normal life wasn't the best
The cold face of his memories shielded by glass
Broken and shattered they began to crash
Charlie soon met despair and desire
But was this his experience to acquire?
Charlie learned that with science came flaw
Yes beneath it, they never saw
Charlie would be back to himself
Just a boy trapped in a man
A secret, not meant to tell

Fragile flower
Bathing in rain shower
Soft red petals
Smooth and cold like metal
Frost at the tips
What's left of the sun it sips
This flower lives in cold
I don't know how it holds
But below our tree it grows
It's almost as if it knows
That my heart beats every day
In a rhythm for you to stay
And this flower never weeps
Never shuts its eyes to sleep
The flower wind can't shove
This flower is our love

My still beating heart,
Longing to feel the warmth,
I put on a show,
So no one knows,
That I could die,
Tonight,
Tomorrow,
But do you care?
Oh no,
I will not trouble you,
You're to busy to feel my pain,
You would never notice,
If I slipped away,
You had me once,
And now I'm garbage,
Something you,
Just tossed away,
And I may be garbage,
But you're no man,
You are a boy,
And boys do not deserve,
Such love ,
The kind which I,
Once thought to give you,
It had been a foolish thought,
And I will not,
Be fooled again ,
No because fools end up,
getting there hearts broken

I am the forgotten,
Leave me here where I shall stay
Forget me now
My memory will only fade

Torn inside, like shredded paper
Unfixable just go
Rip me more,
They will never know

A blank page every time you turn
The dusty cover aged and fragile
Leave me now on this shelf
Where I will stay  
Where I shall fade

My eye’s so drenched in my evident pain,
Cry! Cry I do
My heart shakes with my sobs
How? How can you relate
If I try so hard
But you do not care
You are only here to break me
Farther apart
Split me
I am but a lowly servant
To this castle of heartache
Where one will not leave unscathed
My hands grip the table for support
I have seen one to many
Crumble like the old stone out back
I must stay strong with only my shoulders
To hold this, wait!
I can be strong
I must be! I must
Or I will fail myself  
To be swept out in the current
So unforgiving
Swinging me so violently around
As you have done
My heart unbelieving
My ears I thought deceiving
But no the truth before my unseeing eyes
Oh I wished were lies
Take me away
Please I beg
My soul can not bare much more
Of these harsh cynical words
I try I truly do
Why oh why am I at blame
At the bottom of your shoe
When it meets the pavement
Crushed and forgotten
Like a memory wiped away
Like chalk on a chalk bored
All that is left
Is the smeared image
Blurred, of who I used  to be
Erased forgotten
In the rear view mirror
The chilling realness of it
Leaves me in utter despair
Belated emotion
Running their cold hands
Down my back
These tears seem fresh
But they had only burrowed inside me
I cannot hold on
I fall to my knees
How? How have I gone on
Knowing you have been untrue
You did not love me
You did not believe
You took from me
You hurt me
I am not here for entertainment
So I shall leave
Just as one before me had
Just as I had picked you up
From the dust beneath your feet
I am a slave in your steel grip
No longer will I sit by
And lower my head
I will stand and raise my chin
Instead, I am no weak child
I am strong and mild
So beneath this moonlight
I will leave
With no goodbye
Do not search
I am not here
I have left
I will never come back
I am not so easily persuade
As you stand in the door
And yell
You cry
But this act is over
Draw the curtains

These chains across a battered soul
The fear that never becomes whole
The page I seem to always skip
The path I seem to always slip
The cry that always seems to bare
The pain that always resides there
The broken that no one understands
The survivors that dropped each others hands
The song that never meets its end
The perfect life that's always pretend
The love that doesn't exist
The ones you always seem to miss
The memories that seem so faded
The wounded hearts so filthy and jaded
The need to just be numb
The constant reminder that you're dumb
The words that cut deeper than knives
I bless your heart if you survive

Sleep evading me again
Close my eyes
And his face is there
It's been years...
And the memories are faded
Like an old picture
I try drowning it with music
But it's there
The pain almost feels fresh
Like the smell of close death
And the feel of broken skin
The sound of sirens
And the shrieks ....
It's still so painful to speak
To hard to write down
In my sorrow I drown
My fingers are shaking right now
I saw him in my dreams last night
I remember his eyes
They scared me the most
Sometimes I'll cry ...
Cry myself to sleep
Because sometimes tears are easier
Than to speak
Because tears will shout
Shout it all out
And make me feel clean
It's a weight lifted off my chest
So I can get rest
But tonight it's trapped me here
In this room of crawling terrors
I feel like I have to scream
But it's stuck in my throat
I feel claustrophobic, like its got me
I really just need to sleep...

Frozen forests
Full with dread
No way out
The rest are dead
Every way you turn
The trees begin to spin
Your arms start to burn
And a nameless face begins to grin
Running through the maze of terror
The chilled air is running thin
And the silence began to scare her
Her breath was in the air
And she yelled for help but no ones there
Behind her back a killer slinked
And with a scream that was the end

Music fills my viens
Music cleans my pain
These wounds across my soul
Are gaping open , a widening hole
I dance with tears in my eyes
I dance to escape, to a new high
To forget the world behind me
To forget the things I see
I dance until my heart might burst
To forget the painful thirst
I dance tell I lose my way
I dance from night tell day
So lost in this party
Please, don't try to find me

Click, Clack
Click, Clack
Footsteps echo

Darkness fleets
within the corners

Shiver, shake
turn and look

No ones there

Click, Clack
Shiver, Shake

Finger tips graze skin,
Paranoia within?

One step, One chill
One fear, One thrill

A shrill screech

A thunderclap in the distance

The lights flicker, flicker

Then go out

Breathe in fast

Breathe out slow

Heart beats a tattoo

Fingers clamped tightly together

Look left

Look right

No one in sight

"Your soul belongs to me,"

A whispered promise

Unwilling fear swelling into terror

Click, Clack, Click, Clack!

Footsteps faster against the floor

Where is the door?

Don't know anymore

Clap, Clap!

Lightning roars

The bolts shine through the windows

"You're mine!"

They scream

A frightened shrill erupts from clogged lungs

Cold clammy hands

Wrapped around a pale and creamy neck

This is the ghost of McBeck

God my savior
Hear my prayer,
I have sinned a thousand times,
Took that which wasn't mine,
God my savior
My path has gone askew
So I beg on my knees
I ask you
Take my hand
Guide me from these unknown lands
God my savior
I have fallen at a crossroads
I look each way,
But I'm not sure which to go
God my savior
My tears are fresh
Damp on my cheeks
I feel foolish
Weak
God my savior
I feel so lost
I have wondered this same road
Looking for a place to call home
A place of my own
I've wandered alone
God my savior
I have broken bones
Broken by sticks and stones
Tossed from hates hands
Their words make me feel bland
God my savior
Save my soul
Torn and shredded
By their black stained claws
I felt the pressure of hells
Heated jaws
Across my neck so close to my end
I try to forget
Act like its pretend
God my savior
I hold myself up by my bloodied hands
God my savior
Please understand

I'm so tired
Of crying myself to sleep
The pain of those awful memories
Sometimes It's like no one knows me
I am so broken
No one understands
I was crushed and defeated by those hands
And now I sit wasting away
Hiding beneath covers to scarred to face the day
I can feel it like a thousand daggers
Beating into my flesh
But I can't cry
And I can't feel
I'm starting to doubt if this is real
Maybe I should run
No I'm so done
I might as well say goodbye ...

You told me once
That I was the center of your world
That I was the only in a universe
That collided softly with the stars
You saw In my eyes
You once tenitivly brushed my lips
With your finger
To silence my words
Before you lowered yours so close to mine
That I could feel your heat
As if our lips were already locked together
You once whispered your love in my ear
Told me you would cross hells path for me
I never once doubted you
I never once forgot you  
I lay these floors on your grave for you
Red roses
Like the ones you gave me
The first time I met you
I'll miss you

Goodbye soft air
Goodbye mother tree
Remember my prayer
Remember me
The sky's arms
Will hug me tight
I won't be scared
When I leave tonight
I've lived a lifetime
Full of sadness and pain
Full of laughter and love
And there lies no shame
I am tired
So tonight I sleep
Rest my head on this pillow
And fall in deep
Goodnight bright stars
Above my head
Do not cry
Keep the tears unshed
There's no sadness in my heart
Please I've woven theses
Small piece together
That had fallen apart
Goodnight goodbye
Rest my soul tonight

Goodnight moon
Ill seen you soon
Tuck me in
The stars will win
I rest beside a hill
Where I have been killed
I roam the fields at dawn
I sleep but do not yawn
The rain will pour through me
I will simply exist
I have forgiven you winter
I know you had to come
And I know it was not on purpose that you had done
But I live only with the sun
My petals fall when your gust calls
Flowers only live with warmth

The graveyard
Follow me
To the dark
Where we can see
All the light
That has always
Avoided me
Close your eyes
And drift away
Let the souls
Take away your pain
Let your heart go
Another way
So we can lay here today
Follow me
To the dark
Where we can see
All the light
That has always
Avoided me
Find yourself
In the mirror that lies
Beneath the tree
It's right beside of me
Where I lay
Cold
The graveyard
So dark they say
All the tears
And all the pain
Cold
Cold as night
Don't forget to fight
For your life
Don't end like me
Please just see
At the end of the hall
At the end of it all
There a door
That will wait for you
If you allow it too

Sad faced youth
With dreary eyes
And weighted shoulders

Tear stained youth
With a sullen heart
And a million thoughts

Fast paced life
With too many choices
Which is right?
I may never know

****** up night
Her parents are shouting
Echoes linger
Down the hall

Open bottle
The cap is lost and she is chugging
Add some pills
To numb the pain

Open wounds
The pain is crawling
Inside her skin
Because she's insane

Broken heart
Midnight is calling
With sad tales
Of the one with no name

Where does this road go?
She's lost the map again
No one knows
She's lost her name

Open casket
The rain is falling
Blurred out lines
And memories

She was young
And her heart was hurting
From all the thoughts
They Caused her pain

Rabbit rabbit
I formed a habit
I'm walking fast
And watching time pass
The need is grabbing
This pain is stabbing
I need to have it
I'll die if I don't
This smooth addiction
***** me in its deception
Won't let me go
I must escape
I'm falling apart
My seams ripped apart
Rabbit rabbit
I formed a habit
And I can't find my way out

Passing of time
Another year
Older this day
The signs are here
Im happy yet sad
Because of my growing age
This is bad
Like I'm on a stage
Everyone expects a show
Expecting magical tricks for me to grow
But I feel the same no older then yesterday
It's driving me insane
This constant responsibility
I'm a teenager for Godsake
Don't spoil it now!
I'm not an adult
Just leave me be
Before I'm cast into the retched society
Reality *****

You were suppose to protect me
From evils crooked hand
You were suppose to love me
Not leave me with this man
The one who leaves me bleeding for everyone to see
The one who has no bounds
And doesn't give a **** about me
Hold me down
Make me pay
I felt pain
That very day
Almost broke me to the bone
Weren't his words or his stones
Hate him more every day
I wish I
Could make him pay
For the blood that I had shed
For the care that he misled  
Every tear that fell
I hate this dark angry hell
Iive like this all the time
Frozen pictures, of what all was mine
Stay away from my dreams
Your  minipulative scandalous schemes
Goodby forever you wicked illusion
No mistake no confusion

I don't want to go through life
Wishin I could restart
I don't want to look back
And see a mess fallen apart
And if I ever die
Just remember that I love you
I don't want to live lie
I've been thinking about my past
All those shed tears
That didnt last
I was broken at the point of it
I was dying inside
I really couldn't give a ****
I finally realized
That they can say
Whatever they want to
Its a new day
And I can finally look at you
You can try an drag me down
Spent most my life on the ground
But I'm starting to feel restless
And I hope you finally get this
I'm through, I'm through
With you,

We always used to fight
And my sanity was gone
But in the dark I found a light
That's why I'm making this long
And if ever I see you
I won't think of before
Because all the things we used to do
Ya, well I closed that door
And I'm trying to be strong
Even though my shields are down
And I don't know where I went wrong
But I feel it all around
And there was love loss
But no love found

Her eyes are full of tears, 
She had broken wings 
Bloodied from the war 
She was crying for her love 
The one before her 
Broken in the soil 
Shattered at her feet
She was lost to her broken heart 
She was torn apart 
From that she had lost 
From Everything it had cost 

No love in paradise 
When dirt is all you get 
And you can't pay the price 
And you threaten to fall apart 
And your beaten, but your bones were broken from the start 

Pain was new 
She had played all the cards that she had drew 
She was scared 
Frozen by fear 
She had switched gears 
No lone soul could handle 
The weight if her now heavy heart

Her eyes are full of tears, 
She had broken wings 
Bloodied from the war 
She was crying for her love 
The one before her 
Broken in the soil 
Shattered at her feet
She was lost to her broken heart 
She was torn apart 
From that she had lost 
From Everything it had cost 

No love in paradise 
When dirt is all you get 
And you can't pay the price 
And you threaten to fall apart 
And your beaten, but your bones were broken from the start 

Pain was new 
She had played all the cards that she had drew 
She was scared 
Frozen by fear 
She had switched gears 
No lone soul could handle 
The weight if her now heavy heart

They broke her down,
Her tears stained her face,
She cried for them and cried from her hurt,
She wished that they could change,
She wished she was made of the strongest steel
But she wasn't, and they wouldn't
So she picked her self up from the dirt,
Put ice in her heart, and never let anyone near it
On the days went, until the young man she met,
Slowly melted the ice, and in return filled it with warmth, he'd been her first kindness, he was her first love