I am counting days and nights
Sitting under the **** sky ..
Reading , writing and cherishing about
How will it be when I will ...
        Actually meet you !

Those voice mails , recordered songs , text messages
While walking bare feet on the grass
And smirking watching the same text over and over .

It's night again , where I will ..
Just do what I keep doing the best !
D-R-E-A-M   on !

And I keep on waiting for those days
When I will see you ...
Touch your fragile skin ...
Make you smile and keep it forever ...
Because "smile" is what you need .

You can't stop smiling just because ,
They told "not to do so , you don't look good."
They aren't somebody to understand
What one "smile" brings to people ...
     It makes life worthy .
       Always..

Don't stop doing something which you love to ,
Just because  "they" told not to do so .

You are way more beautiful than you think .
You are beyond 'humanity'...
You are the pure soul,
Who knows what is "love"
Who knows the value of "tears"
Who knows beauty doesn't get a definition by "skin color"

You are the one I am eager to meet ,
Because you are not "somebody else".

"........ And here I keep on waiting for those days to come ,
         Soon .."

And, you left me all alone,
left in such a silence that
I could't even believe you are about to leave.

You left an undefined scar in my soul and
my teardrops enchanted those memories we shared together
and laughed over them hours.

You went away in such silence
that all I could do is just NOTHING
but hearing you to mourn in such dogma.

Tears just drop by my cheeks and I just
wish you to come down and tell me,
              "I am here, my darling,
               Don't you worry child....
               I can't ever leave you alone."

They said, life isn't fair, life is never trustworthy.
Now I see an feel that hard every night.
I never felt that I can't hear your voice anymore anytime sooner or later.

It all comes and goes....
what matters is the in-between time
you spend together by thick and thin holding on to each other.

You were lying on the bed when
I last saw you and there also you were fighting
to get over that period.

Remember? We laughed there too when you said
you had 26 milk pies and I strictly said,
"Get well soon Dadu. After you go home you will be having curd-rice and "Khichudi".
..... And God never wanted that to happen maybe.
After that you couldn't go back home,
you left this virtual world that very night after suffering so profusely.

You were 72 and I was 22;
but we never bothered about this algorithm.

There were healthy talks over he sunsets, over the pages of my sketchbooks.
You were my biggest inspiration and critique for every work; cause you
always questioned their existence and morality.
You always chanted honesty throughout your life and give me
strength, so that I can follow your path.

One day, you will be a proud grandfather who will be seeing my works getting recognised all around the world and then we will laugh together...

Me, from the terrace and
You, from that sky.

Come soon,
come in a disguise,
come as my soulmate,
come as my midnight friend.....
....... but come back, please.
because Payel misses your presence and laughter.

I will weep and bawl on my bed some nights,
knowing I can't see you anytime ever.

That heart-wrenching pain and undefined scar in my lotus-heart will bloom someday with your desired presence in my success and failure both....    I believe so.

I believe in you,
I believe in us.
Because, God snatched one of my biggest possession without even asking for it.
You have to come back.....
... and you will.

To those talks and platonic love,
you are being missed Dadu.

I wish, I had some digits to call you up just to ask,
if they are providing you with some spicy food or not.

LIVE FOREVER.
YOUNG HEART N SOUL.

'Going away' is always bit difficult, isn't it?
Be it from your mother or your face licking pet or your beloved...
'Going away' is always a heart wrenching pain.

It's a sub-conscious state where you both don't know
When will you again see each other's face and feel their pale skin and the intimacy written on it.
Thinking of being apart from that eternal bond isn't so casual as your surroundings think....
....... It is not at all easy , it is not what you always see or evaluate without knowing.

'Going away' is all about those undropped tears and silent bawling,
You know nothing will be like earlier as it used to be...
You will be somewhere and "they" somewhere else too....
..... Things will again fall in places with growing and emerging time.

It's a drastic change for everyone of you,
Who have faced "going away" moment.

'Going away' will make you much stronger and motivated to see D-R-E-A-M-S.
D-R-E-A-M-S which are for you and them,
D-R-E-A-M-S of being together someday again forever ... As you all used to be,
D-R-E-A-M-S which will let you to float through life.

'Going away' is not what you think apparently;
It is how you recreate yourself after that phrase.

So, don't be heart-broken darling,
If this 'going away' decision is mutual it will create magic someday and
You know I will be there in glowing tears with your magical retreat.

Because 'going away' from you can't ever make us apart.
We will D-R-E-A-M together, forever..... Again and again .

For those undropped tears and uncried fears: we will D-R-E-A-M on and "going away" will move on very soon.

Breathe in ,
Breathe out ,
But the heart is a madstar ..

It always pump up
with one glimpse of your
H-E-A-R-T  B-E-A-T !

This maddening soul of mine
Stops nowhere...
Everywhere it searches your presence
&
Your fragrance .

Let it be dawn ,
I want you by my side .

In those moonlit nights , to see your
Eyes and lips with immense pleasure
While forgetting it's already time to move by !

Let it be dawn ,
I want you by my side .

In those dramatic nights , to see your
Skin murmuring to my fragile connectivity ,
While making you to believe that "I am here with you ."

Let it be dawn ,
Because you never know what is coming by your side .
These nights are gloomy and dark enough
To make yourself alone and yet feel connected to the soul .

So ,
Let it be dawn .

Maybe I will again want you by my side .

Silence is needed .

Silence is a massive part of your brainstorming session .
Let it be your studies , your workspace , your next project session or about your love .
And by love I didn't mean it to be a human being only .
Love is a strong possession , which can be about your newly bought Fountain pen or can be about your new social innovation .
But silence is needed , for making you stronger and your presence to be valuable .
Silence should be there as pure bliss , to give you a thought of match making .
Do you remember , how much you inhaled with silence and those breezy nights ?
Just cherish once about them and think where you were before some days and where are you now ; standing all alone and strong challenging all the facets of truth and society .
Yes , silence is needed .

Chaos can't always bring you to the path where you desired to end up with .

Silence doesn't make you socially introvert . It gives you the space for differentiating between you and what you will be .
Ask one poet or a writer or any person who loves to think at the end of the day , 'what is silence for them ? How much does it matter to them?'
Then come back to me and say again .... " I hate silence."
Silence is subjective . It is needed , but not always . And that also doesn't signify chaos should occupy the space .

Silence is needed to make space in those beautified chaotic nature .

Still it hurts ..
When it gets cold and I'm crawling
On the bed all alone .

Still it hurts ..
When I go through your pictures cherishing
Your laughter and your madness .

Still it hurts ..
When I know the reality , yet I don't stop
My daydreaming of being with you
F-O-R-E-V-E-R .

Still it hurts ..
When I don't know why I can't move on
From your child-like grin !

Still it hurts ..
Because I know nobody can't replace you
And I will love you F-O-R-E-V-E-R !

How can you possibly lay down
When your scars don't heal ...

Yet your never-ending try
And limitless oinment
Makes thing superficial .

But , as they say ..
        
"Time heals everything .....
..... Almost ."