I want to rip my skin off
This layer covering me
Hiding me
Shielding me from the sun
My fingers are itching
I’m banging my head against the wall
Clutching at the metal bars
I’m going crazy in this world
This world that is too small
There are too many people
And I don’t have anyone at all

I wore this rubber band around my wrist
So that I could snap it
Every time
I thought of you
I wore it for weeks
One day
It snapped
Right off my wrist
And I felt
So
Incredibly
**Naked

I was still
standing in rubble
When you came
into my life

And in the morning
I find myself
Wondering
Where did all of the saltwater come from?

My brother
Once tiny and small
Grew over night
I nicknamed him Sasquatch
‘cause he’s so hairy and tall

I am making bad decisions
Because they distract me
From missing you

Every day I live a thousand lives that aren’t mine
Stuck on the inside of fiction
I never feel the wind
Caught in a cage made of fear
Made from the thousand dreams I keep dreaming
A thousand lives that I have lived
My mind is shackles
My mind is wings

Delusions
We were made up of them
And not much more
But I didn't realise it
Until my heart stained the floor

Her skin was pale
as if she had never seen the sun or bathed in its rays.
She was starting to resemble a monster,
bones protruding like barbed wire
trapped under her lifeless skin.

For her, time had slowed down,
making her move like an old lady
at the age of fifteen

All color had been drained from her world.
Her dreams were vibrant as ever,
but at the rate she was going they would be forever just that.
Dreams.

She was wasting away,
Dangerously close to end up in a grave.
Her smile was forgotten by everyone.

There are some days
That are harder than others
Days that I miss you more

Today is one of those days
And I want to tell you about it
I want to hear what you think
To tell you how I feel

There are some days that I really hope for a someday
Even if it breaks me

I really want a someday with you

They say I'll find someone better
Someone made for me
But if you weren't made for me ...
why does my bones ache without you?

Why does the air taste recycled
if it hasn't touched your skin?

I am drowning in the absence of your breath

I keep trying to find someone to lend me oxygen
But the taste isn't the same

I have stopped hearing your voice in the words I say
soon I won't remember
what it sounds like
when you say my name

My body is too heavy
I just want to lie down
And stare up at the stars
As birds and time fly by

My body is too heavy
I just want to lie down
Buried under pillows and blankets
So deep
I am nowhere to be found

My body is too heavy
I just want to lie down
Let my arms rest in the damp grass
And let the sun warm my mind

I don’t have a soul, they tell me
It’s just electrical and chemical signals in my brain
So basically
I’m
A
Robot
Made of flesh and bone

I want the sun to appear on the sky and bury me in a blanket of rays
I want to dance while it turns the ground into a zebra
Stripes everywhere I step
I want to feel the fresh spring air smell the right amount of cold
I want to sing while shadows dance on my eyelashes
And I want to run
As fast as I possibly can
Till my face is as hot as the sun
and I can
finally
taste the spring

I watch as you make a hole
in my skin
Obsessively pulling out
my stuffing

I can see the fascination in your eyes
as you keep on going
Till I am as hollow
as that teddy bear you always carried around as a kid

The one that was super skinny
because you had hugged it too tight
too often

The one you once joked
had anorexia
As I laughed
even though
I didn’t find it funny

Because I love you
as much as that teddy bear loved you

And because I know
I too will end up like a faded photograph
In an album no one ever looks at
Because everything is digital nowadays
Even memories

My head is exploding with words
And stories
But as I open my mouth they tangle
And clog

I wrote to you again
I don't know if you wanted me to
You never replied
I hope you text me when you're drunk
That a part of you still wants me
That you haven't forgotten
Because you are woven into the fabric of my being
And I really can't stand being not even a memory to you

I’m *obsessed with the infinite
I’m obsessed with forever
I’m obsessed with the never-ending

But I don’t believe in the infinite
I don’t believe in forever

Everything has an end
Good or bad
Everything
Is
Going
To
End

How do you tell somebody that you think you need therapy
That you’ve lost all of your creativity
That all you do is eat
Sleep
Cry
And repeat
That the floor is your new best friend
Because it’s got the best view of the ceiling
How do you tell them
That you drown your time with movies
Trying to escape
To a different reality
Where you are anyone but you
Because being you is more than you can handle right now
How do you tell them
That you just want somebody to hold you and stroke your hair
And tell you everything will be alright
How do you tell them the truth?

And I don't know how it is possible
but I still smell like your sweat mixed in with mine

It clings onto my hair like plastic wrap
firm, but soft and colorless.

It has sunk into my skin
swallowed up by my pores
and now it is gently seeping out

A temporary alteration of my chemistry

This is a supernova
The millisecond before
It explodes
Almost empty space
Bursting with anticipation
And fear
This is nothing,
Yet everything
This is a beginning
And *the end

I’ve always thought of this as a selfish act
One I would never commit
You gave me life, the greatest of gifts
I apologize for throwing it away
You should know that I cherish the moments I was truly alive
You were the ones who made it good
But living is far too painful
And I long for a quiet
An escape from the mayhem in my head
I feel more than I can handle
And I have more love to give than I get to give away

You should know
You have my permission to move on
But please don’t forget
I want you to be happy
More happy than I ever could
And know that I love you always

I want you to find peace
just as I am about to

I'll live on your smile
till I see it again

The only witness didn't not understand
He laughed silently
At the pain caused by your hand

My words are poisonous
I can't say
I'm sorry
Without hurting you
But the poison
It is killing me too

I will leave soon
And this,
This will no longer be home.
But I will be okay,
Not everything is changing.
The sun will be the same.
And the moon,
It will shine just as brightly.
And the stars,
The stars
They
Won’t
Ever
Fade

I hate time
I hate that it moves fast and that it moves slow
I hate that it always keeps moving
And that there is never enough
I hate that it is unstoppable
And that we can never go back

They say that time
Slips through your fingers
Like sand
But it’s not really true
Sand is much easier to hold on to

There once was a boy
He wished to always live
to never die
He forgot that
No one else
Would live
Forever
Everyone else
Would
Die
While he would stand there
Watching
Unable to do anything
To
Stop it