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insomniatrical Mar 2017
A lonely world
Cold and dark

Cryptic answers
Never revealed

Hide all light,
Save for a spark

In time,
All wounds are healed.
insomniatrical Apr 2019
Love, you are mine.

Love, I am yours.

Love, you're alright,
Stay by my side.

I am always with you,
Stay with me too.

Guide me in the dark,
Be my shining moon.

Warm me with your summer light,
Burning like the sun.

And I shall do the same for you,
My heart and only one.
insomniatrical Nov 2017
You went through a 'little phase'
And you wore perfume to school.
You thought you got stupid
And you wore nail polish too.
You became something different
And got lost in the fume.
You and I lost touch,
And one became two.


You thought you were in love
But you only knew one thing.
You thought it was lust
But then it started to sting.
You had no idea
When they started to sing,
That the someone you 'loved'
Was part of another fling.

And you thought that you'd lost
You thought you were insane.
You did a bunch of bad stuff
And you lost your way.
I know that you cried
As the blood left your veins.
But I'm here to tell you
That I'm not going away.
For him.
insomniatrical Sep 2017
My one and
Only, will you
Remember me,
Guide me,
And protect me,
Never let me go?
insomniatrical May 2017
I may soon forget the name and the face,
I may even forget the existence,
But I will never,
I can never,
Forget the stormy-blue sky
That resides in your eyes.
insomniatrical Jan 2018
Don't you care if I am ******?
Wouldn't you care if I got ticked?
Tell me you'd care if I just dropped dead
Tell me you want to just lay in bed.
Tell me you love me and tell me you care,
Tell me that you wanna take me anywhere.
I wanna know, is this some kind of dare?
Please don't hurt me, it's too much to bear.
No.
insomniatrical Jun 2018
No.
I want it,
But now I'm on a leash.
I am stuck on a string
That only reaches so far.
I'm hanging from a rope
That's just above your head.
And although you say you can wait,
I know it will be hard.
I can't chase the voices away.
I can't hold you while you cry.
I can't take your face in my hands and look into your eyes and tell you to calm down.
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry I glued myself into where I am with industrial adhesive.
I tied a chain around myself and gave someone else the key to a lock made of the strongest steel on earth.
But I know one day I can break free.
And then we can be you and me.
insomniatrical Feb 2018
I know.
It doesn't matter how many times you say
'It's alright'
or
'You can do it'
Because I've heard the words before
But I've seen that look in your eyes.
I know you don't really think I can do it.
I know that it comes easier to you.
I just don't know how to tell you that I really don't care,
And that I'm only pretending.
How about I tell you what 1+1 is instead?
I guess I'll get that wrong, too, though.
insomniatrical Mar 2018
And though simple is my request,
It is a feat to fulfill.
An outsider's mind may see it as they perceive it,
And I may see it quite differently,
But one only sees what they want to.
Their mind's eye is no stranger to its own selective viewing,
A strange feeling at first,
However quickly adapted to.
Now
insomniatrical May 2017
Now
Babe if I asked you then
Where you saw us in four years,
Would you be satisfied
With where we are now?
insomniatrical Oct 2017
And now that I think of it,
The deed was not so hard done.
Given the conditions,
Given how perfectly it was laid out.

He hurt you, but he cannot hurt anyone else now.
He cannot ruin another young child's life and he can never reach down the pants of anyone again.

Call me mad, call me crazy, but I have done what no one was prepared to do.
I listened to her and I became livid.
What he had done, what he had said.
His actions and what he told her to say,
How he told her to 'keep quiet',
'It's a game.'

Now tell me old man,
Are you laughing as I watch above you,
scarlet streams travelling down your neck and soaking the mattress beneath you?
Do you think it's a game,
Awakening to a knife at your person,
millimeters away from taking whatever air you have left in you?

Now you can laugh no more,
You cannot hurt anyone again.
While the blood oozes in the sheets and you lay there dull,
Shadows cast themselves across your face
And I find myself also wishing that you are ******.

And now, I must clean up. Or better yet,
I will stay here. I will sit here until someone comes to check on you.
And then they will see the scene and I will not need to confess,
I will not plead not guilty.
The deed was done by me and I am not afraid for whatever comes next.
I am not afraid of the consequences,
They can do whatever they must.
I will tell them of what you've done.
I will tell them why I did what I did,
And I will not apologize for taking what was left of the miserable life you had.
insomniatrical May 2018
I wanted the river, you wanted the sea.
I guess I got so carried away by the waves
That I couldn't see you drifting away from me.
insomniatrical May 2017
I
Wish
You
Knew
The
Way
I
Speak
About
You
insomniatrical Jul 2020
The warmth you lay out for me
In this new bed I know,
A blessing among the curses I once lived
And thought I was meant for,
I see clearly now
That the night will become day
And the weather will warm
To brighten my life with new flora
And new memories.
insomniatrical Aug 2018
I made a mistake,
An awful, terrible mistake.
I didn't think it through,
And now I'm full of hate.
For me, for you,
I don't know what to do.

I know that I was stupid,
I didn't quite think through it.
It was late at night,
I didn't think I'd do it.
And now I'm full of fright,
Because it wasn't right.

I made a stupid choice.
I should have used my voice.
I should have used my head,
I should have had some poise.
So now I feel a dread,
And all I see is red.
25 August 18
insomniatrical Apr 2017
I am a decade of broken.
Words laying on the cold ground,
Only to be frozen and forgotten.
Thinking that spring would soon come
And melt them away,
Bring them to light,
But they become buried.
The sunlight can't reach these words,
These painful words.
I can't throw these words to the wind,
They might come back at me.
And although I am silent,
My silence speaks for me.
Yet still,
Those around me are unable to hear what I say.
I am screaming these words,
But they fall like feathers on the ears of my peers asleep.
One day, had I opened my mouth,
Sound might have come.
But here I sit,
And there is no sound.
Not anymore...

There is no sound,
To describe the pain.
When you are betrayed by someone you trusted with your life.
When they held you in your hands as you were young,
And in a moment they took that innocence away.
Wilted, withered, and wrought with fear,
Never could you see anything the same.
Young, but now not as young as you should be.
Tainted innocence becomes you
In a swarm of emotions.
Hatred, anger, fear, denial.
Wishing you could forget,
If only you could forget everything.
A rose, drooping beyond it's vase,
Falling petals,
Lifeless.

And in that moment,
It is set on fire.
Burning a great flame until it is only ash,
And burning still,
Until there is nothing more.
The fire is gone, and so is all fear,
So is all worry,
So is all happiness that once was,
That once existed.
Emptiness and blackness fill the shell of what you once were,
But now there is nothing.
Void is imminent.
Decay is predicted.
Death and salvation are implorable.
insomniatrical Aug 2018
I remember the first time I called you
And I was so nervous.
I shouldn't have been, because it was only a call.

I remember being excited when you'd ring me
Because I loved talking to you.
Looking back, it was only a call.

I still call you now
And I know why you don't answer,
Because it's only a call.

You rang me to help,
And I would always pick up.
It wasn't anything special,
It was only a call.

And you'll dial my number again,
But I won't bother answering.
I know it won't be anything important,
It won't be special at all.
Because after all,
It's only a call.
Oof
insomniatrical Nov 2021
Oof
Thought of mine,
Stinging lie,
I implore you,
Leave me be.
I have no time
Nor the patience
Or the mind
To let you influence me.

-is what I wish I could say
on a day like today
where the clouds roll in
and I feel the darkness
grow.
insomniatrical Dec 2021
What god awful radiance you exude
That dazzling glimmer you drip so casually
Your smile of diamonds threw rainbow shards on my heart
How infectious it was at first,
That I became brilliant for a moment too
Even the sparkle in your smile caught my eye
As you said you loved me for the first time
But lo, whenever came just as you said it would
Did you know??
And I suppose now I see that you are not a bright, shiny gem like I thought
You are but a mirror, a false facet in the stone,
Intended only to reflect the light of another
And when their light dulls,
A more brilliant one you seek out
insomniatrical May 2018
I guess it slipped my mind
That you had forgotten to remember me.
insomniatrical Feb 2017
The road beyond is
Long, and untraveled.
Empty, barren,
And I step forward.

Cold and damp at my bare feet
But determined to find my way,
I continue.

Every step,
Painstaking.
Every time I stumble,
Heartbreaking.

I keep going.
Rocks and rough ground
My feet begin to bleed.
But I must walk this road.

I reach the end and look back.
Avast mountains and lakes,
There lies the beginning of the road at the horizon.

Miles I've come,
And all too soon I could fall,
But I grasp your hand as you pull me
Over this railing,
And save me from falling again.
insomniatrical Jan 2020
'But sadness is a gift, you see.
For we are given our sadness so that we might appreciate our happiness.'
insomniatrical Jan 2022
i'm on my knees now,
please stop existing
some way, somehow,
stop existing to me
insomniatrical Oct 2017
It's the beginning
The beginning
Room's spinning, spinning
And already
I am dreading
I am waiting
I am wanting to know who I am.
If I am not myself
Who am I?

What else can I be?
Who can see the real me
When I get so dizzy
I don't know up from down
Tell me who I'm supposed to be now
Who do you want me to be?

Am I not perfect enough
Quiet enough, loud enough
Here enough, gone enough
Good enough for you?
Tell me what to do
Tell me how to live,
Tell me how to be
So that I can please you.
insomniatrical Oct 2017
Do me a favor.
Promise me something.
Promise me anything.
But this time,
Keep your promise.
Stay forever like you said you would.
insomniatrical May 2018
He's a little Poe Boy - always a little off,
He's a little gruesome, always in his thoughts.
He's always so sad, overthinks more than he ought,
But he's a little Poe Boy - guess he wasn't what I sought.
insomniatrical Jun 2017
"The heart no longer beats because it's
taken too many falls,
And all that's there to catch it is the
cold, hard ground."
A poem from a friend of mine.
insomniatrical Feb 2017
slow down
Speak to me

slow down*
Walk with me

slow down
Please remember how to say my name.

You can be rebuilt.
You can be fixed.
You are broken, but you are not hopeless.

Now walk faster
You can do it.

And now try running,
I believe in you.

Once again you can sprint,
I knew you could.

So go, and live again as you used to.
Because you don't need me anymore.

You never needed me.
insomniatrical Mar 2017
I am young,
And I am fearless.
Nothing can hurt me,
And I will not fall in love.

I am dumb,
And I am learning.
I don't know everything,
But I will never fall in love.

I am older,
And I am wiser.
I have her to teach me now,
But I am still not falling in love.

She is peace,
And I am war.
I know I said so before,
But I will never fall in love.

I am hers,
And she is mine.
I've been lying all these years,
Because now I am finally in love.

She is old,
And so am I.
The book we wrote needs a close.

So we are in love,
And you will be too.
Maybe today, tomorrow,
But hopefully very soon.

When you find it -
This I promise you,
Don't say you're not in love,
Because you'll be lying too.
insomniatrical Mar 2022
so happy lately
maybe it's you baby
write me a song about hazy days
we sing and we dance on the daily
aren't we crazy
reaching so far for the stars
we get spacey
you're singing to me in the car
how did we get so close to home
by running so far but never alone
speeding and crashing together in the snow like
your arms are where i was destined to go
and my soul is the only one that you wanna know
we're spinning and feeling
unreeling and healing
if i was a liar i'd claim that you were stealing
my heart but i can only scream at the top of my lungs
that oh, Sunshine
my Love, my Light
i am giving it to you
eagerly,
entirely,
every day
and every night
jc
insomniatrical Mar 2018
I wonder where it came from,
Where the first idea began.
To help this man called Arithmetic
Find his ex.
When did this woman called Expressions become so complex?
What ever happened to simple,
And who is Domain?
I know a boy named Graph,
But I need to spend understand him better.
What of Range? He seems a bit simpler.
Hold on, now we're irrational?
Now there's an Imaginary?
I wish I could go back to the simpler times where Addition would hold my hand,
And Subtraction was a bit of a bully,
But only because he was misunderstood.
insomniatrical Oct 2022
Once again, it comes again,
Chase away the hunger with cigarettes
And don't give in

I watch the numbers bob up and down,
A water park of emotion
And I feel that I will drown

Watering myself like a plant,
I need only sunshine and water and that's it,
And I wish I could stop but I can't

Every day the numbers get smaller
I start to feel so little
But the demon in me grows taller

My mom loves having 'skinny kids,'
Never mind my health
I just have to see my ribs

I think I'm cursed

It got into my head,

It's never been worse

I won't eat until I'm dead.
10.29.22
insomniatrical Apr 2017
Milestones
A thousand of them
And all around me
I know
The way they infect everyone with happiness.

Oh,
But not me
My eyes are closed and I only hear them
One thousand sounds
Each one louder than the last.

And I wish
That one day I could see them
My own milestone
One I can never reach
But I can only hope for.
insomniatrical Feb 2017
Mirrors will never forget
The names I've called
And the fates I've met
From crying by myself.
I really don't know
What has become of me
Bloodshot eyes and deafening cries
And I scream and I scream again
Until long,
Nothing is left of my sanity
And I call your name once more.
insomniatrical Aug 2018
I can't take back
Words that I never said
I can't un-mutter
The syllables that I never uttered
And I can't tell you
That this silence isn't
Making me deaf
But you can't tell me
That you meant every word you spoke
When you said I was first on your mind
Every time that you woke
insomniatrical May 2017
Science cannot tell me how I feel,
Only I can.

English cannot speak my words for me,
Only I can.

History cannot tell me what happened to make me the way I am,
Only I can.

Math cannot help me add my life up,
Only I can.

PE cannot keep me in good shape,
Only I can.

School cannot dictate how well my life goes,
Only I can.
insomniatrical Nov 2017
I cannot find the motivation,
And I do not have the will.
I know that one can find what they need when they need it
But this is all I've ever had.

They tell me I'm not a C student.
And they say that I have the brains.
They say that I have the potential to be something-
Do something-
Greater.
They tell me that it'll be okay,
They tell me it'll be alright.
But I don't feel alright,
I never feel alright.

I never feel alive,
I never feel like there's a why
But a why not?

Why shouldn't I be what they tell me not to be?
Why shouldn't I become what everyone despises?
Maybe then they would actually see me how I see myself.

Maybe then I wouldn't need to explain why I feel the way that I feel
Or maybe I wouldn't have to explain that I even feel that way in the first place.
Maybe they would just see.

I think they could - I hope that they could -
See what I see.
insomniatrical Mar 2021
I want to be Heard
but you don't listen to me
God, I want to be heard.
When I say I am mad,
When I tell you what bothers me.
I want you to LISTEN to me!!

I want to be Seen
but you don't look my way
I just want to be seen.
When I wear something nice,
When I wear nothing at all
I want you to NOTICE me!!!

I want to be Touched,
but you don't put your hands on me
I want you to touch me
When I lean into a hug,
When I'm starved for your attention
I want you to APPRECIATE me!!!


I want to be Wanted,
but you don't seem to want me,
or my words,
or my face,
or my body.
I just want you to WANT me!!!

But I could lay myself out for you,
naked and eager and beautiful and sweet,
and it's sad that
you would remain
entranced by anything else in the world
but me.
insomniatrical Feb 2017
Would it be correct to say that you are the only one I see?
And though my eyes work,
The vignette cannot be cured.
I cannot see,
But I have vision.
For you and only you,
My eyes seek.
I search,
Among crowds and static,
As if, also, your voice is the only one I can hear.
As if, as well, I may only smell your scent, a sweetness
And as if I can only sense you, feel your pulse beneath my own lips,
Taste you, from your mouth onto mine,
And understand you, better than I understand myself.
You are broken, as am I,
But flawed fruits yet prove themselves to be the sweetest.
insomniatrical Feb 2018
Hey,
Today,
I'll see you and I'll kiss you
And we'll laugh,
I might even cry,
But today,
Please let today be a good day.
insomniatrical Apr 2017
Am I wasting my time waiting on you?
You're so valuable to me and yet,
You choose to damage yourself as much as possible.

I am unsure of you, more now than I have ever been before.
You're foreign to me for once.
There's nothing I can do but sit back and hope for the worst.

We've never been this far from each other.
Please, I don't ever want to be this way again.
I don't ever want to feel this far from you again for the rest of my life.

Even if we hate each other,
Even if there are no words to be said between us,
Please, I beg of you, don't give me silence. At least let me know how you are.

No matter what, I will care.
You have been my top priority always,
And nothing can ever change that.

You mean so much to me...
And it makes me sad to see you so upset....

I'm sorry for everything I did.
insomniatrical Mar 2023
Hello again,
Little one

It's been five whole years now,
Can you believe?

How time passes with the falling of each leaf,

How I always got to love you
But we never got to meet?

I get sad sometimes,
Thinking of your little feet

The way you might have cried so much
That I would never sleep

But it's that time of year again, little one
And once again, I weep

Because you are the greatest love
I never got to keep.
how can you say goodbye if you never got to say hello?
...
L.A.O
insomniatrical Mar 2018
Stories,
Told in one word.
It might be someone's world
In that single word.
Each letter is a lifetime,
Each syllable a chapter;
That one word
Open to one thousand emotions.
insomniatrical Aug 2018
Are you walking away for good this time?
Are you alright?
I don't want to care but I think I'm losing my mind
Without you
I guess it shouldn't matter though
Because the way you're acting makes it seem like we're through
I suppose if that's how you want it then I'll just walk away
But dont expect me to think of you every day
Even though I know I will
I won't tell you and I won't say
That I miss you even though I do
And I'll never tell you that I want you back even though I do
Because what's the point if you dont love me like I love you?
insomniatrical Dec 2017
Wolf Blankets
St. Louis Blues Throw
Axe Body Spray
Cotton Candy Vape Juice
Teddy Bear
Favorite Shirt
Batman Joggers

And at the end of the day,
These old things are new
Because each one reminds me,
Each one smells like you.
insomniatrical Dec 2021
i never could've been,
could i?
the one you wanted,
the one you yearned for

and i knew it
all the should'ves in the world could never have saved me
and all the doubt i feel would be the death of me
i wasn't attached until i was

and somehow the moment i was
it was over
goodbye

like never a word was exchanged between us
like we had never known each other like we do
how can you know me better than i know myself
and now be a stranger?

how can i know you like i do
and never be allowed to say a word?
you said friends and here we are,
you've made a fool of yourself and

i still miss you,
which makes a fool of me
a fool indeed,
a fool who loved you a way she didn't understand

an absolute jester, a clown
someone for you to laugh at
i wish i had more self respect
than to still need you

or feel like i need to
talk to you every day
when the reason we're here
is because we had nothing to say

because we were no one without each other
but not even ourselves together

and i was pained by you,
the fact that we weren't who we wanted to be
so now i am without a warmth to hold me again
because i must learn to be my own

you ruined me
but i am determined to find myself for the first time
in my life
insomniatrical Dec 2017
Simply put, ***** the school.
Simply put, we exist, too.
We're not complicated, we just need our space.
We need the room so we don't hit your face.
Rifles and sabres and blades, oh my.
Rifles and sabres and blades will fly.
Swing flags and ribbons,
Our equipment throughout.
Six foots, Five-and-a-halfs,
Again we got kicked out.
The gym, the stage,
We're in the cafeteria for days.
The mezzanine, the band room,
Can we get our own place soon?
I'm so tired of not having a place.
Why can't color guard have their own space?
insomniatrical Dec 2021
they decorated their trailer

that barbecue trailer

over there
insomniatrical May 2017
How can I admit that
I've been lonely all this time?
Trying to forget your face
When it's burned into my mind.
How could I have known
I'd be unable to let you go?
So tell me then, please,
Is your heart really made of stone?
insomniatrical Nov 2017
I remember wearing black nail polish with glittery blue tips.
I remember the feeling, the fear,
The terror in your eyes when I cried out,
When you knew that there was nothing that could be done to help.
How much pain, and my tears rained down,
Anger in your eyes at how helpless you felt.
To see me like that,
To think that there was nothing you could do,
When I finally felt myself ripping, tearing apart.
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