A separation it would be, worth of a thousand lifetimes,





will meet again and again and fall in love
with our different selves.

I wanted to preserve a bubble.
Pop!
Realisation pulled me through a tunnel,
taking me away from my vague fantasies
where are my black feathers? my wings?
Is this an illusion?
I thought I lost you.


**This is not the game we ought to play.

Sometimes you share your wildest secrets to strangers,

Oh love !
Can you become a stranger to me ,

again?

I fear,
Do I care less for you?

Sometimes I feel am so involved loving you, that I forget u as an individual. I love you.

Those tears drops at the edge of your eyes, are on a brim to break free and flow, am I the dam?

your soul should deserve to someone who is more clean than me, less wounded , who can be your muse.

Love cannot be static, I know. I wish to caress those wrinkled eyes and when we turn old, maybe.
This uncertainty is inevitable. there are small nicks- knacks  i want to share with you to grow together as you said.

I fear I shouldn’t lose that baggage of experience and exposure I wish to wove with yours, to create a memorable tapestry of our love.

सुलाए  जो अरमान थे मैने अपने,
जगाया ही क्यों?

इच्छा थी यह तुम्हारी.
फिर नज़र लगाया ही क्यों?

You are dealing with a dangerous man, my lady said the dark knight..
Am on a voyage looking for beauties, neither like a moon nor that starry nights.

I was waiting like a watchman down the lighthouse counting every single grain of sand on the shore.
They came and then they went back silently without even noticing my presence.
Was I invisible?
Or my breath wasn’t audible enough for their soul?

A movie being played in the background with ears
staring on the cell phone waiting for a call ,
eyes wide shut with overdose of lack of insomnia and
there's beer in one hand and laptop on another trying
to digest the revelations this season to quench the thirst
of friendly stranger's envious egoistic minds and mentality.

A movie being played in reality of my life ,
is entertaining than the fictitious one of my dreams.

I disowned my baby with my very own hands,
why blame others for not loving it as I did once ?

I don't have any memories of it in pictures or letters,
just in my head and heart,
why blame others for not capturing or keeping one remembrance.

I would
be ready to mourn
for your body
than
to see you alive
in death bed
of memories.

I would
be fine to lose
you
than
your memories
inside me.

You would
smile gently
at me
rather than
a frown
looking at me
saying,
"I would be fine.
I would be fine."

- An ode to the Alzheimer's disease from a patient .

In my chaotic illusionary reality
serenity was shivering,
dreams were drowning.

Then came the bamboo being!
The bamboo being dancing with peace
& praying for my dreams
to rise,
rise above my imagination.

Down south he resides,
in middle of a river.

He gave me a new perspective,
an outlook to live and love,
to which
I was blind,
I was deaf.

They laughed , when i was lying on the ashes of my tears,
They were in grieve mourning on my flight towards my paradise.
Yeah I got wings, they never let me fly high.
wish high.dive deep.

I am an addiction of entertainment for them.
I knew but always ignored, but today they ,
put a big wall of mirror between us.
Now its all reflecting back through and through.
Revelations ripped me off , my psyche is bleeding.

Tears dropping down as
fire dazzling down from the sky.

enjoying the ecstasy.
the longing distance between us.

Come Dear!

The sea is waiting for us to join it
to explore the world.
Myriad dreams...desires

Wishes I wish could come true.

Waiting for your call,
desperation and separation is what I can recall
from the past that has now fallen apart.

Fresh are the tears and mere fears
deep inside me like a cocoon of my weakness,
helplessness, the pain and the sufferings.

Why am I nourishing them all?
What this nostalgia will grow into?

Never challenge me
The ferocious mighty can’t even stop me
Am the white… the brown
I change every time being
From day to night
On every sight,
Insight of yours .

I can show
As well as hide
I can cover
And yet let you discover
The known... the unknown
I can blow u off
by the serendipity
And can make u feel pity
By what I carry within.

I have immense power
to change you
And you are bound to adhere
What changes I might bring to you
I’m “the” …..

Empty benches sitting still,
quietly
staring at the vast ocean,
silently
crying witnessing the
pain and plight
of the tides roaring aloud
in the midst of nowhere,
petrified by the vengeance of the cloud.

The beauty and purity
of the God
is luring the evil, the bad
as the venom of love
to gain immortality.

As the fly was caressing your feet,
wish I could touch those with a cheat.
As I know I can only wish..
just wish.

As the voice of yours mingles with the air,
you laughing, you smiling, you whistling
you dancing, you spinning, you looking.
wish I could be with you,
As I know I can only watch..
just watch.

Am trying to move on
Lemme fly
Don't tryna hold me back.
Lemme die.
Am trying to hide
Lemme reside.
Don't tryna find me back.
lemme...lemme.
lemme...lemme.
Am trying to move on.

muse oh muse!
where have you been ?
imprinting yourself in my soul
where have I been ?
lost you are. insomniac I am.
longing distances of time
muse oh muse
how have we been?

Your presence,
Calms me down.

Your eyes wipe
my tears.

Your touch
cuddles me up.

You are my contentment.

My only obsession.

You don’t belong to me.

Dandelions flying in the air,
Free in the open sky.
Light as their mind
delicate as their heart.
Spreading the shower of love
Everywhere in the world.

Dandelions flying in the air.

you never made me right
but still i hope that one day you might.
i talk about you a lot
this is what everybody thought
but no one ever wanted to know what sought,
of feelings i buried and carried...

Those raised eyebrows
those drunken eyes
I remember.

pitch dark black sky
that starry night
I remember.

That unconscious smile
that free heart
I remember.

That stoner...That drunkard
that soul stealer
I remember.

That cold hands with warmth
that warm heart with coldness
I remember.

His intuition...His passion
I remember.

His love...His story
I remember.

I don't wanna fly, I don't wanna settle
like a star I wanna become.

dear to all, but not near to all.

hard to reach , but when there's dark
its there for you to seek.

twinkling stars...far away...
twinkling stars...yet close...

Is it?
You can't be anything of anyone's,
because you never want to love yourself;
you don't feel good and happy about yourself
somewhere.
So?

You won't love anyone with devotion truly!?
You commit to your words and work , but
at end of the day you would still
feel incomplete.

Isn't it?
You ran away.
You are running, getting exhausted, still running,
in search of an answer, still undiscovered;
its making you mad, confused,
you are losing your sense and sanity.

Isn't it?

You are watching and living it.
How and where its taking you?

You just want to live it until you die.
I can see. I can feel.

Do you want me to live with it?

रंजिश के बहाने ही सही
उस ज़ालिम दिल में आपने बसाया
है कुछ दर्द,
हमसफ़र से जुड़ा
हो तुम खफ़ा, ना चाहते थे होना जुदा ।

बिखरे ज़ज्बातों के दरमियाँ ,
कशमकश के दायरों से घिरा हुआ
मन मेरा ...
चंद अल्फाज़ो से हम उन्हें बयाँ न कर पाए
कि बना लिया है हमने
एक आशियाना
एक हसीन दुनिया
जिसमे बोये हैं हजारों ख्वाहिशें
इंतज़ार में है हम उस लम्हे का
जब देंगे आप दस्तक
आहटें तो गूँज रही है
आपके आने का
कैसे शुरुआत करे हम जाहिर करना अपना हाल
शायाद गुफ़्तगू के बहाने ही सही
पर इस कायनात में कुछ अजीब दसतूर भी है
यहाँ पल पल बेहाल हो चले हम और
कहीं चल दिए आप
अपने लिखी अफ़सानों की तलाश में |

The mermaid smiled again; danced; laughed
flowed again...fall in love again.

He..She..They
Dragged me out of the defeat
I accepted; my undesirable fate.
                                                                                                                                
Black I became.
NUMB

Chaotic cacophony of emotions gushing
through veins not blood.
Mirage reality of my passionate love broke.
feelings shattered as broken mirrors of faith.

Red I became.
All gone

Alas! It was Ice
melted...stayed...evaporated .

This dry rose and these yellow pages
are the proofs of my romantic life.Once,
I thought it would stay alive & young for ages.

I remember that dark street
down across my lane.
I can't figure out how that meet,
turned me from sane to insane.


This poem can be read in reverse order also from end to beginning or vice versa.

Once I was asked this question. I gave a thought upon it. It took me so much time to figure out, I think I was correct on what I was thinking , then I was like no maybe I would never be able to figure out.
Then a voice came from inside. It said , "I am fragile" .

My tears of conscience

She flickers with vibrations of mighty fear.
She is shy as well as shameless.
She possesses multiple split personas.
She is confused yet complicatedly simplified.
She is fluid and heavy as mercury.
She craves for attention, but sometimes wants to live in suspension.
She is immortal still dies for nirvana.

Diamond I got,
feel lucky and happy about it.
But what was I looking for?

Diamond glitters...
Diamond gleams...

Cuts away smoothly,
the obstacles that I face.
But what was I looking for ?

Coal crackles...
Coal glows...

Burns to give warmth.
That's what I need.

Diamond gives pleasure.
I want to preserve this heavenly treasure.

In this flower of life
I'm a small bud struggling to blossom
with my own blood & sweat.

What was I looking for was coal.
I found out it to be my own soul.

I was swimming across the deep blue,
Sad I was; wish you were there somewhere far.
Suddenly I noticed ,
a big silver bindi shimmering  between the clouds.
I was swimming across the deep blue.

I was walking through the deep green.
Happy I was; hope you were there somewhere near.
Suddenly I observed ,
a big shadow following from behind.
I was walking through the deep green.

I was lying in your lap.
Content I was; hoping & wishing fingers crossed, the moment to freeze.
Suddenly I moved,
I noticed and realised , I was living an illusion.
I was in my dream... Dream became my reality
I was lying in your lap.

The Sun is waiting for the Dawn of Dreams
for a fresh start,
between the relationship between the Nature and the sapiens species.

The Moon is waiting for the innocent insane
to come home,
back to the place where it belongs to.

The enigmatic eyes... The sensual soul...

The Cuckoo wants to sing for you.

The Wind wants to dance.

The Fire wants to swim.

The Earth wants to freeze.

All are waiting for you with a hope,
         that you will be back.

                                                                          Don't test their endurance.

love is what I love most of all in my life
                                                                                                                                  I think I don't know for now
or maybe never ever
                                                                                      maybe I have lost all urge to feel what I want anymore
I remember red
                                                                                                                                                             hope is alive
am breathing

Have you ever felt?

Have you ever felt the kiss?
with the sound of grasses talking to your ears

Have you ever acknowledged?
the beauty of those tiny forms of nature which give pleasure to your eyes

Have you ever thought?
when you dance over the tip of their heads, they applause you by bending down


Have you ever felt?

I need to love you.
I suffer to love you.
I crave to love you.
I love to love you.
I desire to love you.
I caress to love you.
I hope to love you.
I hate to love you.
I breathe to love you.
I dream to love you.
I broke to love you.
I died to love you.
I apologise to love you.

I want to love you.

She is independent , not free
She is happy , not enjoying
She is alone , not idle
She is standing , not still
She is shattered , not broken
She is calm , not in peace
She is complete , not content
She is silent , not in silence
She is touching , not feeling
She is crying , not wet
She is drowning , not moving
She is living , not alive
She is smoking , not in smoke
She is breathing , not surviving
She is in love , not loving
She is talking , not speaking
She is looking , not watching
She is accepting , not applying
She is in motion , not 'the self'
She is she , not her
She is Amai.
She is Amai , not am I ?

Intersecting infinite emotions murmuring sitting
next to their dear friend Peace
in the solitary crowd,
also listening to their neighbour
who is their distant relative; Numbness
enjoying the whirlpool of the endless events,
keeping aside the feel of the existence of their reality; Humans

Lying under the quilt of guilt I wonder would they be looking beneath that I am admiring them.

The caring fire and caressing water expressed their feelings
singing the megh malhar,
Smoke floating all around.
Black was dancing in darkness along with red.
Thirsty dry leaves smiled as they saw a beam of hope of purity.
The grass felt the love for the first time.
Bats witnessed the intimacy.
Marbled moon was waiting for so long for this moment to freeze.

I wish
I was dumb
'Cause my words of mouth
can't communicate
with you.

I wish
my eyes
get oppurtunity
to meet yours,
'Cause sometimes
it misses
the sparkle
of those enigmatic eyes.

I wish
I could be
the breeze of fresh air
early in morning which
hugs you first
when you go to sleep.

I wish
to be a reason
for your smile...
a smile
that you can never forget.

I wish to be
your wish
once.

Darling!

I am leaving you behind with the nostalgic memories. On the journey I am to chase the other missing parts of the puzzle we both are in. This maze I want to solve it but alone, facing and crossing each hurdles with my own tears, blood and sweat. I want your support , your presence around me mentally. I know you will be there , it actually doesn't matter if i express it or not; you know me more than myself.

Love,
FUTURE.





P.S - Its a love letter written by future to past in present time. The relation between them is so imbricated yet they are so far from each other that a bridge called PRESENT ,weak link between them binds them.