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Apr 13 · 17
hj Apr 13
razors and blades
and blood and scars
lost my faith
in a worls that's ours
**** happens
life is cruel
and i'm the little ****** fool
that life chose to ****
ashes and cigarettes
and cigarette burns
i'm in a little room
the walls cave in and it turns
and i,m losing my mind with every inch
my head is getting messed up
my life gets more ****** up
i can't handle this **** anymore
my head is a hot potato everyone throws around
my head sleeps to sorrows sound
it's been long
and now it's my lullaby
and i'm stuck in these circles
and time is passing by
it's passing me by
i know it *****
Apr 13 · 14
hj Apr 13
Maybe We lost it
But maybe We didn’t
And I shouldn’t miss u
But I always do what I shouldn’t
Apr 13 · 339
hj Apr 13
First chance you blew it
Second you threw it
Do you want me to chase after you?
Cuz honey I won’t do it
Apr 4 · 130
hj Apr 4
Some birds are scared of falling
Even though they can fly
Apr 4 · 704
hj Apr 4
You were too busy earasing
You forgot to write
the idea came from my friend
She changed it into something else
I kept this
Mar 12 · 97
hj Mar 12
I waited for u to call back
But this time u didn’t
Stared at your profile picture
Even though I know I shouldn’t
I still cling to you
I know I shan’t
But you tell me to move on
The thing is love
I can’t
Mar 12 · 64
hj Mar 12
I know u should
But it’s hard for me to see u move on
Mar 9 · 207
hj Mar 9
Praying you’re okay
Wishing I was there next to you
Wishing I could tuck u in bed and tell you everything is alright
Wishing I could kiss you
Wishing I could see ur beautiful smiles come to live
Wishing u all the happiness in life
Wishing you would stay with me forever
Wishing to see ur beautiful face
Wishing to taste ur smile
And state into ur eyes
Wishing I could wipe ur tears
When u don’t feel alright
Wishing my days
Where with u
And the nights
Wishing us a tomorrow
Filled with lights
Wishing all the tears away all the time
Wishing us a house
With both of us inside
Me hugging u tight
And us watching the sun at twighlight
The first in a series of 11:11 wishes I sent to my ex
Mar 9 · 78
hj Mar 9
She put the flowers u bought her
By her side on the floor
Turned the stove on
And closed the door
She left the blood
That dripped into the sink
Left a note next to her
Where sorrow was her ink
She shoved the hair she cut
Into a bag away
And then the poison that escaped from the devil eyes of the stove
Whispered u won’t stay
She took a deep breath
Before she started choking
And the noise of her choking
Her body crying for help
Was cut by silence
Mar 7 · 339
my Indian girl
hj Mar 7
my sweet little Indian girl
ur not mine anymore
ur long black hair
i can't caress
and ur tan skin
I can't kiss
my beautiful Indian girl
I can't stare into ur brilliant black eyes
I can't hold you
I can't touch you
my beautiful Indian girl
I lost you
Mar 7 · 435
hj Mar 7
you are the air i breathe
and i feel like i'm choking
Mar 7 · 44
hj Mar 7
Your name is still my phone’s password
I still didn’t throw out “our” shirt
Still feel butterflies when I get ur text
Still fall asleep pretending you’re next
Still need you
Still love u
But what changed is
I can’t have u
I miss u but ur right here I just can’t reach for you
Mar 4 · 91
hj Mar 4
See lovers holding hands on the streets
But I can't hold my lover's
Some people prefer the rainbow
Drained of its colors
Mar 2 · 184
hj Mar 2
if I can't be
what I want to be
then I choose
to not be
Feb 28 · 122
hj Feb 28
If they don’t let me be with you in this universe
I’ll pull us into another
If they don’t let us be together in life
I’ll die for you my lover
They don’t decide what we are
Or what we get to be
They don’t make us
Our souls are free
They can shutup
Leave us alone
Let them say what they won’t to say
I won’t give u up
Whatever they say my love
They won’t mess us up
Feb 23 · 139
hj Feb 23
I don’t believe in reincarnation
But if I did
I wish to be reincarnated in the grass u lay on and that star in the sky
The same star you wonder at every night
Or the soft breeze that blows by your window first thing in the morning
Your dark coffe mug so I could be as close to your lips as I can be
Ur mirror so u could see yourself through my eyes
The tree that sits in your  backyard so you can trace our initials on my skin
And I don’t know if reincarnation is real but I know our love is
Feb 7 · 45
hj Feb 7
No matter how many people touch my body
My soul will always belong to you
Feb 6 · 121
hj Feb 6
Say you'll remember me
Catch our broken dreams
When you sleep at night
Do you hear the echoes of my tears
When you wake up do u feel my kiss
against ur soft cheeks
Let me haunt you
Because I couldn't have you
Make me your ghost
Did you feel me when the wind blew?
Did you see me in the sky?
the dots of light in the blue
I'll be watching over you
don't let my ghost scare you
and if at night I hold you
don't stare at my slit wrists
Don't stare at the rope traces on my neck
where I can still feel ur soft kiss
too creepy?Or too ******?
Feb 5 · 199
hj Feb 5
And the irony is
If I slit those wrists you held tight
They will bleed the blood that still loves u
Jan 29 · 57
A Painted House
hj Jan 29
If there is another universe
I’ll paint the you and I who made it through the fire
A small house to rest their souls
I’ll make them a latte and a dark coffee
And let that sit on the kitchen counter
I’ll place the house in the middle of nowhere
Where we wanted to be
And I’ll grow them dandelions
Give them a bit of peace
I will paint them a house
By the pond of my tears
And I’ll watch them
Be what I wanted
The future that I lost
And sink in the nothingness forever
I read that title in a library and this came out
Jan 27 · 102
Irony in Black and White
hj Jan 27
White and black
Search for a hint of color
But they ran away with you
Search for my tears
Look for my smile
But it’s nowhere to be seen
Not without you
Funny how I can take
Longer sips of my cigarette
Funny how nothing
Can make me move as fast
Funny how my pain
Has changed shape now
Funny how my pain
Looks like our silhouette
Or maybe like the ashes
I dust in the astray
Or the fallen pieces
Of the far past
Funny how nothing deserves my care
Funny how I can only stare
Why ain’t the world fair
Why aren't you near
Jan 26 · 57
Save her
hj Jan 26
I write about her in all of my poems
Paint her with the words and pain
She’s the girl that has been hurt
Washed away by the rain
I won’t dust her story
Like she dusts her cigarette in an ashtray
I won’t let people forget her
Won’t let her story go in vain
I will keep writing about her
Even after it bores the listener
I will keep writing about the prisoner
Of her own mind
I will keep writing about her
I will keep painting her in all my poems
I will keep shedding light on her
Because her story lives forever
The girl betrayed by her lovers
I will paint her silhouette in the sky if I could
A silhouette that is scared
Nevertheless, beautiful
I will keep painting her
I will keep writing about the hero
Who lost her battle with life
I will keep writing about the girl
Who lost the gunfight with a knife
I will keep writing about her
And I’ll live to shout the words
Scream them at the top of my lungs
Jan 26 · 60
Humming Bird
hj Jan 26
You could see death
In her brilliant brown eyes
But in those same eyes
You could see
A glimpse of paradise

She's the humming bird
Who fell
Into the wrong nest
She's the little girl
With the weight of the world
On her little chest

She's the cries at night
And the echos of fear
She's the blurred eyesight
Because of the tears

She's the girl standing at the mirror
With teary eyes
She begs herself to hold on
She tells herself she can go on
She holds her tears back
And sings herself the same song

Hold on
Don't cry
Hold on till the moment passes
And passes you by
Hold on
Don't cry
Hold on
if they ask
Hold on
Until you die
all over the place...
Jan 21 · 284
Losing sleep
hj Jan 21
In my dreams
I've kissed you
A couple hundred times
Melted into your embrace
And sank in your ocean eyes
In my dreams I have loved you
Like Romeo loved Juliet
Like Jack loved Rose
Like Elizabeth Loved Darcy
In my dreams
I am all yours
And you're all mine
In my dreams
We don't break apart when we fight
In my dreams
No matter how far we are
Our souls still collide
In my dreams
We had no worries
We had a happy life
In my dreams
We sipped wine and roses
watching the sun fall and rise
In my dreams
I could hold you
I could feel you
I could touch you
I could touch your soul
But lately
I've been losing sleep
I've been losing sleep
I tried taking pills
I tried counting sheep
But no matter how hard I try
They way back into love I can't find
Our love became like a puzzle missing a peice
And if I could i would burn all the puzzles I built when I was young to find a way back to you
I don't know if the fear of losing love means I love you
I don't know what's going on
Is it me
Is it you
Is it both of us
Is it the world
Or the wrong universe
What is going on with us
We were the two that the world watched in wonder
The world watches and pities our souls now
What is wrong with us
Why is this happening
And I swear if it was the universe
I would pull us into another universe
May god praise us the dandelions in love
But just like daffodils
We are delicate
And I guess the wind blew across both of us
So our pieces scattered
And I look and wonder
What has the wind wished for
My baby
May angels protect the dandelions
With there shinning wings
May we find the way to love
And if we don't
I'll always look at the picture of two dandelions blown away by the wind
And I'll smile
Because maybe that's how love begins
When the pieces scatter into a multiverse
And find you and me
Another you and me
Bless these two
May angels guard them
May they set history
For the two in love
The love that never breaks you see
And may the angels sing a sad song
For the two
Fell out of love
Jan 19 · 137
Pain Scars and Poetry
hj Jan 19
When u take a deep breath but don't feel the air getting into your lungs then touching your heart
When u feel the void inside your heart grow
And u start losing the rhymes and flow
When u watch your pain
Grow and grow
It looks like the stars my cousins's parents had painted on their ceiling
They glowed in the dark
We used to lie on their carpeted floor and watch them then make a wish
And pretend that we got what we wished for
There were other one's glued to my uncle's room's ceiling
I used to turn the lights off
And hold my cousins up
So they could touch the stars
It glows like them
It looks like them
Only less beautiful
Less wonder full
But equally powerful
And they're more of scars then stars

When it hurts and u don't know why
Or want to know why
U just want to draw with the silver brush
And watch the red paint dry
When u lose yourself
In the noise of life
Sounding like the busy streets of NY
When u no more know what you are writing on this paper
But hope it turns out decent
Hope that when u read it later
It makes a bit of sense
But it doesn't
Yet it does
But that is poetry
Not about the rhymes
Or the flow
But about that feeling
Of yes is makes sense
Yet it doesn't
It's about the goosebumps in the romance
The tears in the sorrow
And the tinge of hope for tomorrow
This is my first all over the place poem
Plz let me know if I need to delete it
hj Jan 19
Burning candle lights
Broken glasses spill wine
Thought our stars would cross paths
Turns out they form parallel lines
Thought finding you was the key
Maybe I should wait for another sign
Broke the promises we can't reset
Maybe our stars will never shine
Maybe our broken peices would scatter  
And form our shilouhets in the sky
It's been a long time since I saw in you
The beautiful creature that was once mine
You know a relationship has ended
When the happy memories
Now make you cry
Jan 17 · 74
Unfinished Poems
hj Jan 17
Unfinished poems
Lie on her bed
Unheard words
That she once said
Whispers of her sound
That was once too loud
Bounce around
An empty room
Only to be met
By the whispers of the tears
She once shed
Her family
Doesn't live in regret
But it's say it's her fault
Because she hid
Echos of the secrets
She once kept
Burst out to the world
Maybe they'll understand
How she felt
Friends she depended on
Think their help went in vain
Maybe they still don't understand
She was high on pain
People who called her a ****
Called her a *****
Told her she's misbehaves
Get some self control
They call from work
To ask about why she missed her shift
Her parents say that she left
She was a *****
Of her own mind
And this time they won
The monsters in her head
I hate myself
That is true
But i hate them more
Because they made me become the person
Who I hate
Jan 17 · 101
hj Jan 17
She was right in front of them
But they were too blind to see
She screamed too loud
But they were too deaf to hear
Sorrow was a drug
And pain was her wine
She took missing like shots
Swore that she's fine
But the nights got colder and colder
And it's not until after that dark night
In her bed
With blood dripping from her wrists
That she/s finally sober
Jan 17 · 217
Call me Back?
hj Jan 17
Call me back
You there babe?
I can see us
At the edge of the world
Fade into the nothingness
And the problem is
I try to convince you otherwise
Because I try to convince myself
I don't want us to fade
I know we can make it through the fire
I wear our love like protection
Maybe I wouldn't feel the burn of the flames
But maybe we lit the flames
And maybe our love will fade
But I hold on
I beg you to not let go
Every single night
But the flames still burn bright
I can't chasing after us
I'm melting into the flames
I kept trying to change the past
But then wondered if you are the change
History repeats itself my love
And I'm scared of the past babe
What are we?
What have we become?
My sunset..
Maybe our colors drained
Maybe I'm gonna go back to seeing i black and white
My little rose..
Can you hear me?
U there babe?
Jan 17 · 68
Heart beats
hj Jan 17
My heart is beating weirdly
It goes off-key
then it rhyms
And I'm in my hospital
Lying and thinking
If yours is singing the same chimes
Love is a tune the heart sings
Helping us through our darkest times
Heart beat after heart beat
The passion of two that collides
But sometimes I listen and wonder
If the off-key beats
are going as random as rolling dice
I wonder if they'd ever stop
If love is enough to get us through the nights
But maybe it isn't
And maybe
My love
we fault sometimes
Not necessarily the darkest sins
But maybe one of the forgiven crimes
Jan 17 · 73
Heaven Knows
hj Jan 17
Heaven knows
How Hard I've tried
But even if I let go
Our souls still collide
Heaven knows
You and I
Were hard to form
Needed a lot of time
But heaven Knows
My soul is tired
And even thought the rain is beautiful
A sunflower needs the sun to survive
Jan 17 · 281
hj Jan 17
Cigarette smoke
Fades into the sky
Her blood drips
The color of wine
Rain showering
But instead from her eyes
She wipes it away
And puts the blade to her thigh
She paints with the silver brush
The story of her life
Then the blade traces her body
And with her wrists it collides
She then drops
And her heart cries "Why?!"
She smiles and whispers to the world
If you are suffering And come across this,  if u have reached the point where you think no one cares, if ur considering  suicide. STOP plz, I care, there's a community of ppl who all care for ur beautiful soul, don't let go, listen to the part of you who wants you to live, If you need anything plz dm me.
Jan 17 · 190
hj Jan 17
But the curse didn't break..
Because her prince charming
Was a princess...
Jan 17 · 57
hj Jan 17
A lot of them
Where i did things i can't speak of
I look at my house
A place I'm supposed to call home
And i can recall them all
see them all
picture it all
In each and every corner
Another fall
Another Fight
Another something I have to hide
And they all stay inside my mind
And mess it up

In that corner by the balcony window
I told her I had feelings for her too
In that other corner there
with a phone in my hand
and pills in the other
Don't  know how i got through
the corner in my room
By the drawers where i keep my mess
I broke my skin
With a broken mirror I couldn't see my reflection in
I that corner
Through my bedroom window
I threw my past and promised myself an end oh
But I broke again
And I keep doing so
And the corners witness
What no one knows
What I hide
What I'm not allowed to speak of
How I tried
But then I dove
How I loved
How I hated
How It started
*** it faded
How I cried
How I lied
What was enough
what was tough
What killed me
What brought me back to life
What woke me up and told me to hold on
What sang me to sleep
When I couldn't go on
I wrote this months ago but thought about sharing it now
Dec 2018 · 124
hj Dec 2018
One cigarette
Two cigarettes
Three cigarettes
I don't know what i'm doing
With my life no more
See the cigarette light
Reflecting on the screen of my phone
Almost the only light I can see
When I'm far away from the shore
Yes my skin is busted
But so is my soul
And maybe if I wait a little longer
My existence should be torn
smoking is bad but the reason I smoke is worse_anonymous
We are the kids our parents warned us about when we were younger_anonymous  
Nov 2018 · 737
A Beautiful Creature
hj Nov 2018
She was a beautiful creature
Outside and in
But they marked her up
By her so called sins

A beautiful creature
Voice so loud
Waiting for someone
To hear her out

A beautiful creature
Her smile shone bright
Careless of what went on inside

A beautiful creature
Voice gradually became low

A beautiful creature
She froze like stone

A beautiful creature
With no happiness to call her own

A beautiful creature
With under eye circles so dark

A beautiful creature
But her smile doesn't spark

A beautiful creature
She cut her glowing hair
And made herself a room
Under the stairs
Where her beautiful voice
Sang along with sorrow
The beautiful creature
who lost her belief in tomorrow

A beautiful creature
But they tore her down

Until the beautiful creature
Listened to sorrow's sound

A beautiful creature
They hang her photos by the stairs
To remind everyone
Of the beautiful creature she were
It is a terrible crime to slay a unicorn. Drinking the blood of a unicorn will keep you alive even if you are an inch from death, but at a terrible price. You have slain something so pure that from the moment the blood touches your lips, you will have a half-life. (harry potter and the sorcerer's stone)
to anyone who as ever harmed a beautiful creature
how do u like ur half life?
Nov 2018 · 243
Bless Her
hj Nov 2018
Bless her
Standing at the window
Wondering whether she should collect it
Or let it flow

Bless her
Bless her soul
Holding the pills
That wouldn't have been made if they knew who they'd ****

Bless her
Bless her soul
if she'd ever feel whole
Hiding the pain inside
Tangle and untangle
Wind and unwind

Bless a girl
The world has torn
Bless her soul
That grew so tired
Bless her story
That lay untold
After her pieces
Fell to the floor
Bless her
And rest her soul
Bless her
Bless her soul
Nov 2018 · 226
Hold Me
hj Nov 2018
Hold me
As tight as you can
Let me listen to your chest
Rise and fall
Let me collapse into you
and find my home
Once and for all

Kiss me
and pull me closer
As our lips join our souls
Let the moon
watch in wonder
and hide us in a glowing midnight shawl

Let's make a we of me and you
Ur hands in my hair
My hand everywhere
Scream my name
Then whisper
I love you

Lay next to me
As I listen to your heavy breathing
AS I count the cuts on my heart
and wonder
How in heaven's name
did they stop bleeding
To my one and only
Oct 2018 · 163
Infinite soul
hj Oct 2018
I wanna dance in the dark
Let my audience be the stars
Move around to the song of waves
Have this world be my stage
I wanna walk on the beach barefoot
Leave my soul in footprints on the sand
Road the earth like it’s my home
Because I’m not marked by a piece of land
I wanna be an infinite soul
The moon is my only friend
You wanna be like me?
Just take my hand
I’ll show you the infinite world
Where it starts
And how it never ends
Because his world is full of wonders
That the limited souls just don’t understand
To all the infinite souls I’ve met in my life, and again to my girlfriend, You are all amazing, keep blossoming, I love you all
Oct 2018 · 376
hj Oct 2018
The sins we committed
Are written all over the bathroom stalls
My bedroom walls have memorized
Our drowsy midnight calls
The streets have accompanied
Our late late night walks
And the beach has made symphonies
Out of our never ending talks
Your late and my dark coffee
And your milk moustache
And how you laugh
Then kiss me under the eyes of a thousand stars
How the moon admires us
And connects our infinite souls
So darling I give you my promises
Now and for all
I promise to catch you
If ever you fall
and although I know it's not much
I give u my all
This poem is for my beautiful girlfriend, the perfect lovely piece of art work that I love and admire. I love u baby <3

— The End —