growingpains

growingpains Nov 2017

Reset

What do you regret?
What would you want to reset?*

"To the day we met,
Not* to get to meet you again,
But to make our paths parallel."

#reset #past #time #regret #parallel #paths

growingpains Nov 2017

Questions for my father

He looked at me with disgust
I was surprised he had the guts
But in the midst of my tears
I was struck with a sudden realization, a question had appeared
Was he disgust with me become of who I am?
Because of the way I carry myself?
Or was he disgusted with the creation that was his?
Was he disgusted to think that I had a little bit of him, that we shared similar mannerisms?

#father #toxic #unhappy #disgust #parent #tears #mannerism #question

growingpains Nov 2017

Desires | Necessities

You submit yourself to a lifestyle
You guarantee yourself to a good time
Where love and lust only share a letter in common
Where their uncommon association is their juxtaposition
Where both can live in dimensions that are parallel
But you won't be saved by the bell
It rings to say that you're lying to yourself
But you won't be saved by the bell
It yells to tell you that it doesn't suit you well
You need to realize that love and lust share more than you wish they did
That both combined make up what you need
That lust alone makes you think of love
Even in the most meaningless and heated moments of fun
And that love alone makes you think of lust
Even in the most intimate moments of affection

#love #lost #friends #with #benefit #what #you #need #want #desires

growingpains Nov 2017

November

I'm more than just November
I'm more than just remplacement, I'm important
You look for her in other woman
And I know I just fit the description
but,
I'm more than the warmth holding you tight at night
Because you still haven't gotten used to not having her around
You say it's past history
But she was your whole beginning
She walked along you with the fall of leaves
With them turning from green
To other colours that couldn't relate to my envy
She was there for Halloween
And the costume and the festivities
And I'm just November, right in the center
I'm just the one in between
Interfering

#november #october #halloween #important #unrequited #love #rebound #past #history #fall

growingpains Oct 2017

Not pretty, but not asking for pity

I'm not pretty

Not like the other girls
I'm not pretty, not in this world

I'm not beautiful*

While my friends exude this aura of supermodels
I'm stuck, cursing myself for not being invisible

I'm not pretty

While my friends sit around the table
Sharing, yet again, their *** escapades and those fables
I realize that not one single guy has taken interest in me
I know I shouldn't live life with this attitude, with this constant self-loathing
But it isn't just a sudden thought
It's in the pit of my stomach, like a knot
It's the foundation to all of my buried epiphanies
It's the root to all of my deepest insecurities

I'm not pretty

And I don't know if I'm meant to be

#pretty #beautiful #not #enough #invisible #*** #guys #love #insecurities

growingpains Oct 2017

L O S T

The traits you once considered d e l i c a t e
Are now traits I should e r a d i c a t e
As you r u i n e d aspects of myself I didn't even know existed
As you brought to the surface
A yearning d e p e n d e n c e
As our soul intertwined,
As your path met with m i n e
I got caught up in the midst
Of the combination of our substance
And in the midst of it a l l ,
I l o s t a sense of myself.

#lost #myself #delicate #love #confusion #dependence #codependent #souls #sense

growingpains Oct 2017

Daddy issues and some heart wounds

You don't know how to express your feelings
You beg for me to let you help me
But dismiss when water pours out of my skin
You shame me for not wanting your help
Make me feel guilty about your incompetence
You force what you think upon me
Thinking I'm ungrateful if I'm not smiling
I no longer bite my tongue
I no longer talk through my teeth
I've had enough
Letting you steal my peace
I've reminded you countless times
I don't think I'm above you for roaming through life alone
I've shared with you hundred of times
There's no choice,
You haven't shown me that there's trust
So I'll do it on my own

#daddy #issues #heart #wounds #independence #letting #go #trust #guilty