It's twelve past two
And my whisky is dry
Getting sick of this mirror
Staring at this guy
Empty stools are surrounding me
I feel like I'm gonna be jumped
They all look like hell, bent up and ripped
So tough
This bar smells of **** and moan
To many whiners call this home
Your life's so bad heres my belt
Go hang yourself
Put your memory on some shelf
I'm starring down this guy in the mirror
Slamming down my drink
Light my smoke
Let it all sink
Put out your smoke!
Some ******* says
******* punk!
I'm trying to be better off dead

Like whispers, nighttime speaks.

You are my drug
I keep coming for more
Your the only thing
that gets me high
Your love's my addiction
Swiming through my veins
You are my blood
Whisky and pills
Are your kisses and hugs
You are the whisky
In my water bottle
The bass, in my song
The light on my lifes
Disco floor
Dance with me
Hold my hand
Intoxicate me
Never let me down
I can't ever get you out of my mind
I crawl to get to you everynight
Your the only one who can take away these shakes
The only one who lets me hide
My mistakes
Take me for who I am
I need you tonight
I need my high, my fix
My new drug, my you.

I never meant to hurt you
she said
I always have loved you
As she got up from her chair
Leaving a lit cigarette in the tray

I loved you she said
I loved you
With her back toward me
I whispered I'm sorry

Wiped the tears from my eyes
And she was gone
Gone forever

She loved me
I was no good
She really loved me
I never treated her like I should

Learning love is more then a word
Is the hardest memory I will ever have
Learning how hard words hit the soul
Is a lesson I will always know.

The ground is damp,
My heart gone cold.
The sun don't  shine
Through the darkened clouds soul.
With fog filled eyes
And a near beaten heart.
My thoughts of you, grow further Each step, as we part.
The wind blows, to create a whirlwind of thoughts.
Questions to remain, forever,
To be answered in time - never.
For a new beginning,
With a vacant heart.
Moving on, alone,
For a brand new start.

Life is not a game, the prize has no name.
I am no king, nor are you a queen.
But we all are something else between.
Call the cards high and lows
Isn't this how our life story goes?
Calling life a game, like blackjack or poker.
Will never title you, except a joker.
Winning is in the eye of the beholder and becomes a lot less as we become older.
Leave all your games, pieces behind.
Then follow your heart, to a open mind.

God brings us in the world as a new body
Our spirit may be old
But his terrain is new
Flesh is just the souls jacket
The mind its amplifier
Vocal chords its speaker
Heart its energy

Our soul is a traveler
It may travel for years even centuries
Never to be understood
Until it finds the right mindset
To trust and call its own.

If you truly understand
You will see many roads
If you barely understand
They will all be closed.

God brings us in the world as a new body
Our spirit may be old
But his terrain is new
Flesh is just the souls jacket
The mind its amplifier
Vocal chords its speaker
Heart its energy

Our soul is a traveler
It may travel for years even centuries
Never to be understood
Untill it finds the right mindset
To trust and call its own.

If you truly understand
You will see many roads
If you barely understand
They will all be closed.

Summers day,
Sunshine my way.
Like a wild rose,
Growing in a field of lavender
Bringing a unique distinction,
Yet never over bearing.
Blending in,
Yet being my own.
A rebellious soul,
With a place to call home.
Sunshine my way,
On this summer day.
Greet me with a smile,
Even though I don't see your way.
Let us all understand,
We are all wildflowers,
Till the end.
Living for life,
In the same field.
Where all may be friends.

Lie to me again, she whispered

I love you, he replied.

Red was a man who had whiskers long and a temper short.

He was a man with out a home
Who worked in the park where I walked every day.

He painted pictures from his memory of how he remembered things to look
You see they took ol' reds sight in Vietnam one cold night.

I would talk to red (not to long) everyday. What ya seeing red, what's the memory of the day?

He would pull out a sketch book and show me his thought.

Once it was a big bright sun in the corner of the page.
Under the sun, blackbirds flying.
Under the black bids where a long row of clouds raining, raining stars on top of a boy laying in a field of grass.

I thought it looked cool, (all these different thoughts mangled into one).
Although his placements of somethings would be incorrect I would never tell him.

So what cha' think? Beautiful! I replied your thoughts are perfect! The rain earlier this morning, the birds feeding  in the grass under the clouds! Very cool!

Red shrugs his shoulders and said,
"I never thought of what was happening today. I was thinking back to when I was a child laying in the tall grass that grew in the fields. The fields behind my home. I would watch blackbirds eat while others sang, high up in the Sun till darkened night.

Feeling embarrassed about what I had said. I was moved on how simple yet heartfelt and powerful reds thoughts were.
I apologized, Red I never he stopped me. It's my memory everyday, showing me his note book he had the same picture in it pages and pages worth. You see beauty in this picture.           My story is sadness, see I never explained the stars and clouds. I had a abusive old man he would beat my mother and **** her daily in front of me. He never hurt me, he said this is how you treat a woman son go then go pass out.
I would sneak up to  my sobbing mother and hold her tight. She pleaded to me never to be this way. I nodded silently and walked out side.
Scared to someday become like my father, I decided to end my life (I thought this was the only way) I ran out in front of a street bus.
The next thing I remember is awaking by my mother saying thank God your alive! I told you not to play in the street! Mama! I said reaching for her. Yes my son, God hasn't taking your life, but has taking your sight.
I always would listen to the blackbirds play in the sky on sunshine days my friend, and still do to this day.
But now also after the play the clouds come in to take them away, turning them into fallen stars from heavens sky.
He touched his arm for me to look.
It was covered in tattoos of stars. One wink and a single tear red touched me.
  Thank you for listening to this old man. You are the first and last to hear my truth. God bless you son.
A week later I had heard from police red had passed in his sleep on night.
Now I look to the stars, wondering which one he is.
And wondering when it will fall to earth again.

I'm cornered in
The blackened sky
Staring through its
Silver stars.

Darkness never felt this good
Before
Darkness felt so good

My
eyelids close like a gates caged doors.
To
Locked in tight
The asylum of my mind.

Where my dreams once spoke
Now are just nightmares singing
Lullabies.

We aren't really living
We are just not dead
The difference lies
In these lullabies
Dancing in my head

Closing my eyes
Locking in tight
The caged darkness
Of the living dead

Awake I do
To the stars above
Happiness my minds slavery
To a hateful - type of love.

I am a stone.
I am the mountains stone.
With your strength,
You pick at me,
until I become to weak.
Until I can't take no more.
Losing my grip, slowly I separate,
With each hit.
Until finally, I fall,
Plumething down.
Rolling, bouncing around,
This ragged mountains terrain.
Bouncing off rocks,
Crashing to trees,
A never ending journey,
This seems to be.
Finally I land in to the rivers bed.
separated from my old,
I'll make this, my new home.
Submerged in water,
Trapped in a corner -alone
Camouflaged.
you'll never see me again,
Moss covered, green
Blending in, society.
Watching your every move.
Protecting all who you bruise.
Thinking I'm not there.
yet I live in your lungs,
For I am now your air.
I will decide,  when to leave you.
For all you have done in these woods.
Once you've realized to late,
You have killed all that's good.

Walking through the fresh scent of dew.
Morning hasn't awoke as the moon slowly falls down and asleep.
I witness the lullaby as sun shines alarm starts to rise.
So loud at first, it burns my eyes.
A new born day starts where nighttime lays.
Like standing in natures paradox understanding it all through dew filled skies between the fall of the rise.

A dark clump of ice
Blocks my soul, melting quickly
Turning my once clear thoughts
To unseen milky  visions
A body that once use to hold the warmest of hearts
Has now turned cold.
Like the sun, on a cloud covered day
The light doesn't  shine like it use to
The city's weather is uninviting,
Tonight.
So is my heart, that barely beats
To keep me alive.
It pumps the infectious thoughts of my mind
Filling my veins with blood as thick and dark, as the filth covered chunk of snow.
Lying in the middle of the cold darkened city street, slowly melting
Like my heart slowly deteriorating
Without the warmth of your soul.
My life is now an elapsing of fate.

Feeling down,
so I played the blues
Therapeutic tunes,
to help me get through.

Feel the vulnerability through the notes of another
Feel the heartwrenching wailing,
Through their solo

Relatable and understood
Are your words,
through your roots

Let your story, roll off your tongue
May your words, be as powerful
As the oceans tide

Play those blues
So I may hide

Sing your blues
One more time

A world in disarray
Filled with un-truth
Creating hate filled fear

No one can walk down streets
Without having fingers pointing
No one can wear a thing
Without offending another

How does a country so strong
Have so many
Who don't believe in a single thing
It - we - stand for?

Listening to facts,
not what we believe.
Not taking others actions
So personally.

So quickly we erupt
So little do we listen
Offended by intelligence
Offended by answers
Quick to blame others
Quick to shame ourselves.
G-Buda

I am the night
I will wrap myself around you
and hold you
in darkened times

I am the night
don't be affraid of what you heard
for rumours
have caused both our definitions
to be turned

Rain drops fall from the tree top.
Tree top drips, from the leaves above.
Recreation of a storm that has already gone.
Fall from the clouds rain to be captured again.
Again to the wind, carried across the darkest sky.
Land on a limb falling like the tear from a saddened eye.
Tree tops cry, winds go by.
Fall gentle my tear, like a drop from heavens sky.

Bullied and beaten his whole life.
His body drown,
His soul trapped under ice.
Judged by a town,
He was a only  few,  
noone told their secret,
But, they all knew.
In the creek, in the town
Under ice, they'd be found
Wooden cross, sacrifice
Belief so strong, it took their mind.
Judging all who doubted a faith
Killing in the name of
Their fathers grace.
Nightmarish screams
Echo across the lake.
In a deserted town
Who'd never admit their mistakes.

Theres a thought,
that enters my mind.
Stoping the hate,
That fills my worlds time
Enter
happiness
Stop
in time
Understanding,
yours and mine
Stop
the time
In a still second pace
Holding time, briefly
To see, it's beautiful face.

To this thought,
That has entered my mind.
That gave me clarity,
For a still second of time.
I thank you,
my soul,
For allowing me to see,
A more loving world,
Where we all
can be.

Time does not stand still,
I know.
If it could,
this is it's second, I would choose.

My wish for this same second-
To freeze in time.
For each, and every soul
To smile, in harmony.

For everbody to feel
The warmth from happiness.
For everyone to see.
If we all work together,
A smile for one second,
We-
Can radiate a new born love.
For ourselves and each other.
All unite as one,
Where-
All are sister's and brother's.

Sitting, starring, open mind and closed eyes.
Hoping, praying, asking God questions of why?
Listening,  being, who I am.
Who am I?
My road awaits, one of many.
My challenges will never cease,
Nor will I ever stop accepting them.
Lit up is the path leading me to this new road/journey.
My vision brought me to this point, my vision will not guide me wrong.
May my open thoughts of purity bring my sense of strength, trust and understanding of my self shine. My soul, my beautiful soul that has been through it all and never left my side deserves it, understanding. Please I beg to be understood by you.
Signed: yourself (your one and only.)

There's a lot more in being alive
Then walking and breathing
There's also knowing

The world - our window
Its people - its soul

All people - together
For our strength - to grow

Hearts - warm as sun
Oxygen as important - as the soul

Take my hand, we'll be the bees
Polenated with love
Spread with a sneeze

Like a wild flower in the snow
Any where- our love will grow

Making a land of all colors and blooms
Where we all live as one
Where being born is our only due.

If a picture paints a 1,000 words.
Why am I speechless while staring at your beautiful face?

Once the love has died.

Fall has taken its toll
Flowers are hidden
Tree leaves dying
Days shortened

The whirlwind of summers ashes
Coats our streets and yards
Covered in beautiful colors
Of dried leafs
Until the cool wind takes them away.

Fall has gone
Its cold, barren and deserted outside
The ground is frozen shut
Grass still - from shock
Trees bare and stripped from color

Snow has fallen like an angel
Helping all of our mothers children
Covering the ground to keep it warm
Covering trees branches
Glistening  to give them new color

The snow has giving back the dignity of life in the most shocking of times.
A safety blanket for life in hopes of spring.

Ants drowning in a puddle
Single file dropping off one by one
Waiting to see which one of them could swim.
The swimmer would be the leader
The strongest of ants, to help build a stronger community.
Unless the swimmer is last
With out any help, he is as weak as any.
With out help he can not strive, like he once did.
With out help he can no longer swim

Her eye's read sadness
Her heart filled with love
The city streets, filled with madness
The homeless were giving hugs
Not asking for much
Her eyes grew dim
Keeping her heart open
But letting no one in.
They saw in her eyes
A world filled of darkness and despise
Seeing to much of the city's night
Her mind was her shield
For her heart, they wouldn't steal
Fronting a pain so deep and dark
To strengthen her shield
Of a bullet proof heart.

Doors open as I approach them
Slamming tight once passed
To assure they are closed, re locked
A one way ticket,
For a non stop journey
To keep moving forward

Locked behind are the doors
Once thought of never opening
Now are just past accomplishments
Never to be thought of our used
-again

Now knowing accomplishments come
With determination, and the strength of accepting challenge
I know I can, I will concur all my goals
Capturing dreams and building strengths along this very unstable, yet very rewarding road of life.
G-Buda

Lava like words
Flow
Fire like thoughts
Burn

Heartache, heartbreak,
Words heating so high
Temperatures in flames
Tonight

Misuse
Abuse
Bullet in vain
Aimed for the vein

Pretending to be blind
To prove thee others insane
When words are the bullets
You use in your game.

Holding hands in society and in private is a true form of commitment.
Hold my hand while I lead you away from what makes you hurt.
Hold my hand while I guide you to your light.
Hold my hand in compassion.
Hold my hand during times of grief.
Let me know you are truly listening by holding my hand.
Congratulations,  shake my hand.
It's a bet, handshake confirmed.
Let's hold hands and be there for one another.
Help me be brave, let me know I am not alone,  take my hand in yours.
High five congratulations,  turn into a hand shake.
A handshake turned to hug goodbye.
Hand over hand shake of I will miss you.
A hand shake turned to bro hug, while saying goodbye to a friend.
A hand shake to share our emotions and introduce our souls.
A hand shake to confirm a end.

Words held captive
Guilty of all we do
Yet thoughts are orphans
Sitting in cages like animals being abused.

Days of speaking in riddle
And writing in rhyme
Are now handed over
To some clown dressed as a mym.

Language and words are a thing of the past
Only to be used as a flaw in our law
To be used as a pass.

Words no more
Actions of ******
Morals beaten, twisted and chained
Treated as a freak show
Looked upon as weak and insane.

Swelling eyes of red
Running nose
Quivering lips

Cold beer matters!
All beer deserves to be treated the same.
It doesn't matter what state it came from or how its brewed
It is someones love.
All beer is equal when it comes to relaxing from a long day. Doesn't matter if its a port a lager 16ounce or a pint as long as its cold there should never be judgment.
We can all get along knowing our tastes need not be the same to share our love for barly and hops as long as we agree on just one thing.
Cold beer matters!

Ice forms on feet
Frozen to the ground
Stopping us from dancing

The only oppression
Is the oppression you create
We are one
With many different views
If we ask for change
We should change too.
50/50 is a working relationship
We all sweat
We all bleed
Red white and blue
Are the only colors I see
No one needs to understand any race
If we are proud to be one
Where freedom lyes
Then the only color The only oppression
Is the oppression you create
We are one
With many different views
If we ask for change
We should change too.
50/50 is a working relationship
We all sweat
We all bleed
Red white and blue
Are the only colors I see
No one needs to understand any race
If we are proud to be one
Where freedom lies
Then the only color that should matter is our colors in the sky.

I see miles and miles of vibrant colors in blue.
across a still sea of unexplored possibilities.

I would travel that sea to get to you.
a path of still blue
blinding to some, the unknowing future may be

I would take the most treacherous of paths
just to say I am free

Once I got to you
I would truly understand
that all the obstacles I have hurdled
to get to you
have made me who I am.

Bringing together the vibrant possibilities of us two
now creating a new vision of blue.

Did you ever try to talk to the sky,
During its rain?
Did you ever try to explain,
To the clouds and stars,
Of your pain?

Did you ever want to be another soul, in a different time?

A time when time was a bit more giving,
A time when all there was,
Was giving.
Do you remember?

Understanding

A time for you and I,
Time to listen,
And extinguish all lies.

Did you ever try to speak to our sky?
Did you ever trust,
Never to question why?

Prayers to the rain,
Of you and I.
Cleansing our soul,
Seeing our light.

Guided memory,
Sights acceptance of clarity.
Do you remember, your inner beings
Inner sanctuary.

The darkness is the only one to show us the stars that we dream if one day reaching.
Our darkness helps us see the light in our future, the light we need to focus on to reach all that we dream.
So please do not interpret my darkness as morbid. When it's the most important thing I have to help me find serenity and peace through my minds dream.

Like whispers, nighttime speaks.

Water falls to the creek
My blood flows of emotion
As a tear drop leaks.

Whispers

The sky thick with ice
foggy visions
Fill my sight.

Nighttime

Whisper in my ear
Winds of change
Are getting near.

Serene

Thunderous day
Come back again
Speak my reflection
Of my only friend.

Darling I will sleep with you
In my heart tonight.

Dear life,
Let these closings of long battles
And roads of new exploration be my new path for a new serene normalcy.
May these paths lead to answers,
Answers of who I am.
It's been so long since I've been the real me it hurts to a pain staking degree.
Trying to remember what once was me.
Nothings normal, all I once knew is now forgotten and gone.
You cannot expect to accomplish a new road in life, without having the knowledge of how to overcome its new and demanding challenges.  Simply its obstacles are to great to exceed without knowledge. And even scarier to face. Not knowing the unknowing being thrown to survive in the Lions den.
As a writer I write,  my thoughts, feelings and dreams.
I feel like a caged animal
At a zoo, behind glass
Looking at my once life
Now held captive
From this disease.
I miss my old life, I progressed so far.
Able to challenge my strength of mind,body and soul
Each and every day.
Now that is gone.
Grateful yes I am
Sad and *******?
You better bet.
Although grateful, I am not in good standing with the life I lead  now.
I never asked for this change, I loved my then life and only pleaded for the healthiest body. So I may be the best I could be in all strengths from muscular to mental.
I would love to see the old me and old life I once had.
I would apologize with all my might for whatever I did for it to stop accepting me.
Then maybe I would learn how to live this new resistant relationship I am in.
It's hard to accept that your own body is fighting its every move and with its every move it is literally chipping a little by little of your life and freedom away.
All you can do is wonder why and watch it pay severe tolls each day.
If I cannot return to the past then please may my future be at a level of any normalcy that my present future lacks.
For the sake of my mind and all who are a very important part of it.

You are wind,
You are fire,
The flame that burns to my creative soul.
Are you created?
Are you gifted?
Or are you just a thought?
Maybe you are magic,
The way you bring a visual to your readers with a few cleverly chosen words.
Who are you? Poetry?
I ask who? Are you?
You run through my veins,
Deep in my soul.
I live for you, in you, with you,
Just to share part of your name.
Poet, am I?
I am, poet I am and if not then poetry set me free.
For without your title my words mean nothing.
My words, not a message no more.
My words now just a mere conversation blending with society and it's normal ways.

Poets- you all think your good,
So unique- I call *******.
Trying to say your ideas are original,
When in reality they are just a bunch of regurgitated words from another visionary before.
That's right, your spewing of words once were, makes your breath  reak.
You taste someone else's thought,
Think if you chew it up and spit it back on a plate you can call it lunch.
When in reality, your serving warmed over left overs.
Unique? I think not.
Poets? Really are non existing
Dreamers, trying to pretend their situations are unique, maybe.
Or martyrs who think their lives should be the next big movie?
Now that's  more like it.
Tell me tour boring story, of your boring town. Wait!
Let me light a smoke and open a bottle first.
(I'm  gonna need it.)
There is nothing unique of love.
There is nothing  unique  of hate.
Oh, you had a rough life?
Well whoopty  doo!
Here, I present  the golden tear award for you.
Unique, *******!
Poetry- a cheap mask for the jokers ball.
A bunch of hand downs,
Washed and pressed.
So we can call them new threads
And try to impress one another.

The day is dark as night
Once your heart grows cold

Your dreams, out of sight
wanting to reach, but feeling to old

The light that would once shine
Dims in the darkness,  
Trapped in my mind.

Never to escape,  
All these thoughts, left so far behind.

My eyes hung heavy
Thoughts density,  
fill my mind

Shaking my head rapidly
Repeatedly,
Like a rabid infestation of mites had migrated to my mind.

I drink heavily to drown the *******!
**** the ******* thoughts
Of killing myself.

These placid thoughts,
From a outside world.
A outside world of farces.
Plastic people with their plastic minds
The heartless and soulless  carbon copied pigs of society.

Pretend your pretty life
Is pretty.
Pretend your petrified smile
Is real.
Infect me with your lies
Through the poisonous food
You graciously say is safe to eat.

Pretend I'm okay
As you strip my life away
Pretend to help
As you infect my veins.

**** all your followers
With ******* and lies
Tell all your children
How ******* hard you tried.

Like whispers, nighttime speaks.

Water falls to the creek
My blood flows of emotion
As a tear drop leaks.

Whispers

The sky thick with ice
foggy visions
Fill my sight.

Nighttime

Whisper in my ear
Winds of change
Are getting near.

Serene

Thunderous day
Come back again
Speak my reflection
Of my only friend.

Father- look to the sun for the  answers my boy.
Son-why would I ask for answers from something I can only follow.
Father -because it is big and strong and can pave your road.
Son- my road is paved, paved of uncertainties and challenges which I openly accept.
Father- why would you not take the road we all chose for generations? Why must you disobey?
Son- I've seen all the damage caused by being followers, your once clean roads are now my bumpy travels. The abuse and misuse of generations have made a once easy choice almost unbearable. I chose to make my own mistakes,  on my chosen path. I choose to learn and teach my generation, and our future it is o.k. to think and live for "you."I will not preach my lessons as strength against others, but instead will pass them only, once they are aknowledged. Never will I  condone a life in the sunshines shadow. For I have lived in its realm long enough.

Wisdom lies deep behind our eyes as it brews in the soul.