I can’t

I accidentally injured myself

I fractured my motivation

from strangers to friends
from friends to good friends
from good friends to best friends
from best friends,
they started liking each other
they got along very well
they got bored of each other
he started ignoring her
and they fell apart
forever
back to being strangers again

Appease your tired heart,
accept the love that you deserve.

You answered just a little too fast.
It surprised me.
I haven't seen you in about a year,
And I am realizing I've missed you.
It surprised me.
The last time I saw you,
And the time before that,
You were intoxicated.
It surprised me.
I haven't seen you in about a year,
And I am realizing what you are to me.
It surprised me.
You are a dress without hems or seams.
I hardly know you but you are beautiful.
You are the bullet in the rotating cylinder of the gun to my head.
You dig through my skull and explode my amygdala.
And force me to love you.
You are the jam in the barrel as I pull the trigger.
I fell to the ground in realization:
You both killed me and saved me.
It surprised me.

I feel lost
Faceless in this
World of faces
Im uncertain of my
Path. Left? Right?
Will I end it all tonight?
How is it that
I hate what he did
To me yet I crave
The touch? I must
Be sick or completely
Insane. Whats wrong with me?
Why do I crave this pain?