The truth is bleeding out of my pores
And yet the feelings are all bottled up inside
I fall out of my skin, disappearing out the back door
Losing my mind, struggling to find the best place to hide
Running laps around the sounds of my own screams
Trying to decide which dreams I should or should not believe
Thinking that my life is no more than it seems
And these struggles I have are sent by the devil to deceive
It works; the lies, the hate, the pain that I'm put through
It makes me break down and I get scared of the truth
But the suicidal thoughts in my mind all lead back to you
And the tears that stream down my cheeks burn like a fire
That's bigger than all the flames of rage from my youth
It hurts; it builds in my soul before it pours out my eyes
Becoming rivers that flood my life with disguises and lies
I don't know how to make it all fade away, to disappear
Because it's more than I can handle and I hate to admit it
But it fuels my spirit and awakens all my childhood fears
Chilling me to my core, causing me to give up, simply quit
How do I do that? How do I commit myself to suicide?
Is that what I really want? Is that truly what I need?
Do I believe that my life is only my choice to decide?
And if I hide in the corners of my mind, will I still bleed?
These are the things I ask myself every morning when I wake up
As I stare at all the sugar settled at the bottom of my coffee cup
Then the caffeine hits me and I finally start to think clearly
What was I thinking? There is no way in hell I'll ever give up

You played doctor when I needed you
         Then passed as I held on
  You left abruptly at the crack of a smile
         And always hung above, loose yet binding, in a moment of grief
            You take life away with each successive sunset
      And you've always been before we ever gave you a name.

*My greatest enemy, my only friend.

Frost on your window
     Heartbeat off tempo
     Don't wanna open the door too scared what you're in for
     You've been here before
     But it's never hit so close to home
     You don't know if you need to be held
     Or just be left alone

But come in girl, I swear it's warm inside
If you can't take it baby, we'll both go hide
Tell me what you're thinking, I've been around
In a room full of frowns, you still put it down

     Calls on your phone
     Letters at home
     They used to not talk, now they've missed you so long
     But they just can't make it
     Their time has been taken
     And your stuck here waiting
     Circumstances won't change just

*Let me in girl, I promise, just confide
I can take it, I've got nothing to hide
Tell me what you been thinking, baby I've been around
In a room full of frowns, I'll still hold you down

The words keep t
                               w
                              i
                               ­  s
                                  t
                           ­     i
                                   n
                                 g
                                      in my mind
               Truths and lies
       Becoming h
                             a
                            r
                             d
                          e
                              r
  ­                               and harder to find
              Blurred together
      between h
                         o
                       l
                         l
                     o
                         w
                               and grey lines
         The differences becoming
               o
                 b
               s
                  t
              a
                 c
               l
                  e
               s
                   more difficult to define
    And life has lost all its
                                           l
                                             o
                                            v
                 ­                              e
                                                  and **rhyme

Talking to the mirror I done learned some things
  About self preservation
Who I see myself as and if I'll make it
          I stand here naked
With no protection
    Just my reflection coaching me
      All I see is these scars
Vanity lights reminiscent of cars approaching me
     I traffick myself in words
You read every inch from the drivers side
A little sniff
My standard's stiff and I'm firm handed when I write
Guess it comes out ******* white
                            Paper
Lines later I'm in the shower sitting on the floor
The water hits and I'm gripping on the door but I'm slipping trying to soar
I can't escape, can't fly away
But I've given so much of myself there's not enough to sell
I can't reup on myself
      So I'll stand here staring at my face
And figure how to keep what's left of my heart in it's place.

Kneeling down
        Speaking to God
        His black eyes scream forgiveness
        The sound gives me goosebumps

    You see
                  I've done things most would consider a bit unusual
  But I've always deserved it
     A razorblade horizontally drug across my lips reminded me to never talk back
     Embedding shards of glass in my legs one by one reminded me to never run away from my problems
              
            After everyone died there were questions I could never say the real answer to
          
        You were there to hear the truth, always were
        Beside me, behind me, beneath me
    You never loved me enough to be inside, but it was ok because your mystique kept me inebriated

    The questions never stopped the rooms got smaller and I had to run
       I had to leave. You came with me

    I hated myself for not staying. And when the pieces of glass weren't enough, I understood I deserved a worse punishment, I lit a cigarette and started my trusty chainsaw
   And after I was finished even you shrunk away from me, my flat friend made of blackness where did you go?

       Now all I have is God.
He listens okay, but he's not like you. With my decimated body leaning against my bed, I look into his two deep dark hollow eyes, I bring his eyes closer, into my mouth, and finally he talks back. He says *bang