Pause
I paused for a while, but everything around me didn't stop
Pause*
I paused, but the time didn't even bother to stop

Foolish heart, hear my warning
Stop before you start falling

Monday air has reached my skin
waking up my sleeping veins
sending colors in this monochromatic scheme
i wait for the magic to sink in
as the sun flashes colors of dream
i can’t help but open my eyes and grin

oh darling
we’ll be bones and ashes
before we reach
our overrated
eternity

30 Cycle
“roses are red...”
just like how we bleed
we’re stuck in this cycle
trying to recycle
to reuse the same lines
for every the same lies
the aftermath is in our poetry
twisting our very own story
and now we’re both left
trying to figure out
each and every petal
on “what ifs” we settle
i’m tired, i’m tired
of reading between the lines
guessing which are lies
words remained unspoken
leaving us more than broken

•••
Three words
“What about us??"
Four words
*“It ends with us."

I now consider,
Luxury- five hours of sleep
I'll be happy then

Like a piece of art
  - an abstract painting
   erratic, incoherent
   you can't comprehend
   only the painter (you)
   and his knowing eyes
   will see right through me
   only the painter (you)
   and his knowing hands
   will know the story on
   every stroke, every line
   every shade, every color
   only the painter
   the selfish painter
   will put me on display
   will hang me on the wall
   will risk me being judged
   to people who will never understand
   but will not care to what they say
   because he is a selfish painter
   and will just smirk behind the scene
   because he's the only one
   who truly understands me..

Buti pa ang bank at book may reconciliation
Samantalang tayo, wala naba talagang reconciliation?

Acrostic?
Creative you need not be
Rational or not
Only first letter that would fit
Senseless it may be
The thing is
It's still an acrostic
Consider this one, please

Picture perfect memories
Hanging on the wall
All burnt, all turned into ashes
We tried to run back to the fire
But there is nothing left to save

But baby, it isn't the fire that killed us
It is the lack of fire in our love that burnt us
The fire has gone, died
Frozen hearts, cold feelings
Can't we lit the fire again?

the room smelled of spilled wine
before the lampshade totally went off
a nightgown was seen on the floor
now the room smelled of more than just lust
- it was love, a violent one
oh, imagine the aftermath

Things take time, but time takes things.. ~unknown*



When I was a child
I always wanted to grow up fast
But now, feels like I'm in the wild
Lost in the world so vast

Growing old, adding numbers to my life
Afraid to be an adult and it's strife
They say age brings wisdom
But I~ just getting dumb

I am moving
Yet I go nowhere
I do not know if I'm improving
Or if I'm off to somewhere

Turning 22 isn't a big deal
But why does it terrifies me?
The idea of life getting more real
Transition to adulthood I can not see

Maybe I'm not yet ready
of a bigger world and responsibilities
Because my feet aren't always steady
and unsure of my abilities

I was not innocent
and definitely not immature
But I always face an awkward predicament
Because my life, is constantly unsure

Yes, 22 is not young, but not too old enough
to have a clear mind and smart tongue
So I just have to shrug this feeling of rough
And enjoy the feeling of young

Age and time, we could not defy
So as life and its formula
Running out of time, is a big lie
And age is nothing but a numeral

Age and time, definitely
Does not define maturity, nor brings wisdom
And I couldn't tell much, technically
Because, as I've said, I still lack in wisdom

•••
Narinig ko lang pangalan mo
Kumirot na ang puso ko
Akala ko okay na ako
Akala ko lang pala

365 123119
a kiss on new year’s eve

with a sigh
i closed my eyes
and before the last hours
of the year’s solitude
hope kissed me good night
ahhh, what a beautiful ending
for a bittersweet yesteryear

there’s a little light
peeking through
the small crack
enough to create
a spark, a fire
that will finally
set her free
and make her shine

I can't carry the world
I only have two hands
To hold me and to hold him

I can't cry it all
I only have two eyes
My tears,  I save for him

I can't say it all
I only have a mouth
My words, all for his ears

I can't love you all,
I only have one heart
And it is made for him

All the things I have done for you
All the love I am feeling for you
All of me I have given you
All my life I offered you

But
Still
You
LEFT

All the fights
All the “I love yous”
All the tears
All the laughs

All
Into
NOTHING

All the kisses
All the memories
All the plans
All of us

ALL
Ends
Two words
**GAME OVER..

I was at your door, I almost knock to say sorry.

But you didn't. You let the night pass without us fixing the damage

I almost called you, it took me so much effort not to.

But still you didn't. You let the night pass without us communicating our thoughts.


You see, your "almost" are never enough and as much as you want me to understand that you tried your best, that you almost do, it was never ever a consolation.


*It hurts to know that you almost did but the fact that you didn't is what hurts me the most.

Working during daylight
Studying late night

Away from home
Makes me feel alone

Black circles under my eyes
Doing my best not to cry

There are times I almost gave up
There are times I wished I could go back

But the wind always whispers something
"You've come too far, you're almost there"

A flicker of smile
My hope didn't die

do you think you’re
saving me from heartbreak?
love, didn’t you realized?
the moment you said you love me
you already broke my heart

Fell down
To the ground
Halo’s gone
Skin scarred
Not a human
Now dressed as man
Wings burnt
Heaven sent?
Castaway?
Did he obey
Or betray?
Punishment
Or testament?

tonight
you don't deserve it
but i shed another tear for you

took a coffee break
my heart starts to palpitate
just like our first kiss

lay me in bed of flowers
i want roses- white, yellow, and blue
i also want a red dress
put me a make up with shades of blue

keep the lights on
i want my place bright
sing me my favorite song
don’t leave me at night

let my friends- fake and real
say all the nice things
let my family cry and feel
all the sadness and loss that stings

mourn, mourn for me
give me your best cry
say you’ll remember me
with eyes of jeopardy

but on my last day here on earth
don’t make me feel that i’ve lost to death
instead please tell the afterlife
that i’ll bring sunshine and light

You can't retract words you've already spoke
Instead, you should take responsibility of what has been said
But if the responsibility is too burdensome
I guess an apology wouldn't harm

i broke up with you weeks before Christmas
but after a few days, i asked you to take me back
and you said you still want me
we’ve talked about gifts and you told me
that i am the gift and you’ll unwrap me
so i gave myself again, we made love on Christmas eve

we’ve talked about plans for 2020
fireworks and foods and parties
beer and noise and family
we kissed on New Year’s eve
wishing each other a good year

but you’ve broken up with me three days after
and i was mad and sad and hurt
so i told you to delete our photos
the messages and everything left to erase
i asked you not to message me until i’m okay
and i unfollowed you in social media

but after two ******* days
i felt guilty for totally shutting you up
and so i was the first one to reach out
told you that we can be friends again
that i acted immature and i was sorry
and so we are casual again

but it’s so hard not to call you baby
sometimes i slipped
sometimes you say you missed me
and want to flirt again
sometimes we can’t hold back
and so we sinned again

you say i am beautiful like a queen
that you regretted breaking up with me
you said you’ll never take me for granted again
this time you will be honest
and so we fell into our old habits again
you are mine and i am yours

and now we are talking about Valentines
and poems and roses and dates
flirting, kissing, moaning
we are talking about it
as if we’re never gonna break again

It's been a long time
Since i last had a dream
Funny that last night
After what forever it seem
You were still included in my dreams
-both when awake and alseep

A butterfly was first a cocoon, then an ugly caterpillar
Before it becomes a beautiful butterfly
Before it developed wings and fly

After the lightning and thunder and the rain
After the sky unveils its wrath
A rainbow will be seen, the sun will definitely shine

A lovely flower
Was first a small flower bud
Before it can showcase the colorful petals

See how things work?
See how time controls everything?

Don't hurry up things
For there is definitely
a time for everything

Grow your wings,
Wait for the rain to stop
Wait for your beauty to glow

Not too early, never too late
Just in the perfect time
You will shine

Under the moonlight
In the middle of the cold night
You will hear an elegy
The coldest, saddest story

Of how his heart was stole
Of how he lost his soul
To a maiden so heartless
Yes, a maiden so heartless

Many said, it wasn't stole
Instead he sold his soul
For a priceless illusion
To be with the girl of his ambition

So the story goes
The sinister he calls
To bargain something worthy
For a heart that costs no penny

He sold all of him
To get all of her
But the wicked will win
And the fool will suffer

Buying her heart doesn’t mean
Getting her love and affection too
Giving all of you doesn’t mean
Getting the same of what you do

So every night you’ll hear
Like a wolf wailing to the moon
Who can’t get hold of his dear
A man murmuring a mournful rune

Let me dance into your lullaby
While you say your beautiful goodbye
I will smile 'til I breakdown and cry
For tomorrow I won't believe in your lies
And I promise I'll be over you soon
For I swear you are up to no good

Attentive
Benign
Considerate
Gentle
Magnanimous
Solicitous
Thougt­hful


All these related words..
The world will be more humane..

When she was 5 years old,
She was made to believe that
An ice cream can make someone stop crying

When she was 10 years old,
She was made to believe that
Girls should be modest and simple

When she was 15 years old,
She was made to believe that
She's too young to fall in love

When she was 20 years old
She was made to believe that
Real life, she could not handle

Now that she was 25
She had realized that everything
She was made to believe
Were nothing but all lies and opinions

Now that she was wise enough
She realized that an ice cream wouldn't solve a problem
That women can be whatever they want to be
That falling in love was just a normal thing
That the real world is complicated but manageable

Now that she was old enough
She will never believe
Anything or anyone
Unless she had experienced it
Unless she had seen it in her own eyes

She will never believe again
Because everything she was made to believe were all lies..

she sings of broken dreams and loneliness
she smells of *** and cigarettes
she takes me high, she takes me low
she is the belle i can’t let go
she dances for me when she is high
she tells me she loves me but it’s a lie
she gets me high yet she let’s me down
but still she is the belle i can’t let go

i see a glow in your eyes
despite the sad songs you write
i see dreams and fires
and all your brilliance
you glow, you shine
you bring light and warmth
yet you do not know it
i’m writing this letter to you
you the belle of my life
in case you forget
you are loved, very much loved

a cloudless sky as clear as your eyes
ohh i see you are a belle in disguise
in you, there is quiet and hurricanes
flowers, rainbows and rains
ohh you a belle in disguise
tiptoeing between truths and lies
don’t let them take whatever remains
don’t let reality put you into chains

oh my belle, my beautiful belle
you mourn in front of the mirror
each night you feel queerer
so you bury yourself, clutching the trigger

oh my belle, my pretty little belle
beauty you deny yourself
you’re afraid for the world to attest
so you shut your eyes to the rest

oh my belle, my lovely dove belle
you died when you put that mask
why did you do that to yourself
do you hate your skin that much?

oh my belle, my poor sad belle
you were once my sunshine
lighting up my world with your smile
you don’t even have to try

oh my belle, my beautiful dead belle
i’ll never forget the way the light left your eyes
and my only consolation is i’ll never hear your cries
oh my precious belle, flickers and fades and dies

you love too much, you give too much
so much of yourself you’re giving away
no matter what, with nothing in return
but you my belle, despite of everything
despite of how much you pour yourself
you never run out, you never go empty
oh my sweetest bella
you are my definition of bella ame

look at the mirror
look at yourself
filled with broken poetries
from shattered dreams
and shattered heart
those deadbeat words
that never made it to your mouth
now choking you to death
those bloodstained verses
for unheard horrible screams
lurking in your head
look, look at yourself
my beautiful belle in disguise
the monsters you’ve tried to hide
the tears you’ve failed to free
look, look at the face you’ve faked
why can’t you just say you’re weak??

so many times
cupid has shot your heart
yet it was all a failure
now you don’t trust him
whenever a new arrow
plunges into your heart
you failed to feel
and now you’re looking
for love in all the wrong places
oh my darling belle
rest easy your heart
believe me, someday,
someone will be worth
that pain of an arrow shot
someday, he will find you
and when he does, he will love you
the way you deserve to be loved

whatever curves and carbs you’ve got
didn’t i tell you, i love you and your scoliosis
i love you just the same, or maybe more
oh my fainthearted belle
when will you realize that from a cocoon
you are now a lovely butterfly?
if you only saw, if you only believed
belle, you are a beautiful metamorphosis

9/9 end of belle series
she the belle in disguise
still masked by stories in her mind
the dreams she built and lost
the love she kept, even the ghost
it all haunts her, asleep and awake
but still her soul would not break
her soul will never break
she will never break
.
.







PS
maybe she’s not a belle in disguise
maybe you just have to look into her eyes
to see that her world, that this so called reality
is the culprit, oh, how reality is just a fantasy

In a world
where words
breaks and mends
  -- trust and hearts
sometimes
questions are better than tears
and
what ifs are better than fears

A brush of fingertip is heaven
A wink takes me to paradise
One smile then I die
One dance is like a forever

Bits and pieces of you..

Your love
A pill is an overdose
A drop and I’m drunk
Overwhelming, intoxicating

Bits and pieces of you
is too much, too much
What more a whole lot of you
Can do??

87 Black Magic
what kind of black magic
did you cast on me
that no matter
how many lips i kissed
it’s still your name
i spell on my lips

darkness,
*he doesn’t want it
the silence, stillness
the vacuum, emptiness
that comes with it
he doesn’t want it
then there comes
a little spark of light
that slowly radiates
more than the sun
could ever shine
so he chooses it
well, what can i do
bright lights are blinding

addicted to your lips
and the poetry it speaks
and every time we kiss
oh darling im in bliss