I've never been so afraid
Hidden beneath bed sheets
and no one to comfort me

I do not understand
How to let people see me cry
I just feel I need to hide

Not because of pride
but I feel I must always be okay
But usually, I am not okay

I get lost in my head
As I lay still in my bed
And alone, I always feel

No one to help me heal.

Funny how
You meant so much to me
I would lose my breath
When I only saw you
And now
I swallow air easily
You mean nothing to me
Funny how
I’m still writing poetry for you.
Some part of me
Must still love you.

It was my destruction- in the best way.
His presence, just that alone
Would make me lose all breath
I’d be panting,
Trying to catch what I had lost.

When I saw him
My heart would do anything
But keep a rhythm
I could never walk steadily
He was my destruction- in the best way.

His eyes made me shake
My bones turned to rainwater
I was taken by him.
Hung on every word out his lips.
He was my destruction- in the best way.

And when I thought he forgot me
It shattered me
The courage I found
To talk to him
I don't know from where, it came

Turns out he had not forgotten me
But moved on from me
And that’s what hurt the most
But that was the pill I needed to swallow
To forget him

He was my heart’s destruction- in the worst way.

I wish I was there again.
I wish everything that’s in my head got lost at sea,
that all I could taste was salty air.
I wish I was walking in the little shops
that all sold seashells and starfish.
I wish everywhere I was I could hear the crashing tide;
calling me back to the cold, fresh, water.
I wish my feet were buried in warm sand,
hiding from the chilling breeze.
I wish I was where time slowed to a stop,
where I had all the time in the world.
I wish I was staring into a never ending horizon,
where I wasn’t always running to catch up.
Where all I had to do was breathe in and breathe out.