I was in corner
Collecting dust
Waiting for you
Loyal to you

Until awareness
Consumed me.
I saw,
You didn’t even want me.

So I left.
I took my first,
Full,
Breath.

Since the attic
Of which
You left me
And forgot me.

Sailing ships
Cotton candy
A purple eclipse
Warm and sandy

This is what I dream

Forever mountain
Swirling by
A moon, grounded
A dripping sky

This is what I dream

Gears turning
My mind wanders
Always observing
Strange wonders

I used to tear myself apart
And bleed blue butterfly wings
To pause my torment.
My life had become pure survival,
On creating something beautiful
Out of a dreadful loneliness.

My life had become a horrific masterpiece.
No one understood- those blue butterfly wings,
Kept me alive.
I used to tear myself apart.
Slice, to release my anguish.
But a constant, it always was-

Lingering, waiting,
For the blue butterfly wings to vanish.
For me to rip myself apart.
Again, and again, and again.
At times it seemed
My suffering never ended.

These days are different,
For when those blue butterfly wings
Bleed out my skin,
They never mature to red    I devour them
To have lasting serenity.
Anguish will not ruin me again.

Because,
I used to tear myself apart.

I own the world
On a silver platter,
It is mine to destroy-
It is mine to devour.
When I'm hungry,
I will slice with silver knives
And scoop with silver spoons.
I will swallow the world whole.
And dab the corners of my mouth
When I'm done.
And everyone will know it was me.

It was red sand
Dripping through my fingers
Landing on my orange dress

I had been working with clay
Now my hands have grown
To be sensitive and alive

I press my hands against wooden fences as I walk
And to the tree's bark
Rough, under my, now delicate, palms

It was so new
I was feeling something real
For the first time

Clay had become my addiction
Something I could feel and sculpt
With a clear mind

I felt every grain of red sand
Drip through my fingers
And land on my course, orange dress