i really cant believe
that you cant see
how broken and torn
you left me
laying there
on the floor
aching and wishing
i knew what i did wrong

if i'm not allowed to love you
then what am i supposed to do
with the butterflies every time i see you
or the smile i get when i hear your name
or the deep feelings in the pit of my stomach
when our hands touch
or eyes meet
and at night
when i lay awake
crying
shaking
wanting you
that i know
that the world does not want me to be happy

and when i finally decided to let you go
you showed me the one thing
that you said was never a lie
and that was behind all the black and white
you hid more than the truth
but how you knew how to break me down
and torture me from the inside out

not only do the drugs
and alcohol
drown out the pain
but they also allow me
to drown out myself

i didn't know that
letting you go
would end up hurting me the most
and making me do everything
to keep from going back to you

I'm only tripped out
by the thought of you
and burning by
the feeling of your hands
on my hips
but the sad thing is
when i'm sober
the high goes away
and reality hits

when i think of the lines and scratches
that scatter my hips and thighs
i realize that each one
is a release
a small bliss
of the sizable pain inside me

death inspires me
like a dog inspires a rabbit
or a lion inspires a gazelle
or a storm on the horizon inspires a bird
or a wolf inspires a lamb
or me whenever i think of you
when you took the only thing i had left

my sanity.

a best friend
is someone you can
laugh
cry
make jokes
draw
write
listen
observe
watch
and
LOVE
until the end of time

I never knew
how much you could help someone
until they were in need
of someone
or something
when they felt alone
and tired
and sad
and didn't know what it felt like
to be cared for

I had no clue
that standing in the room
screaming at the top of my lungs
would cause
no one to even acknowledge
my existence

my mind has been lost
in a maze
full of
thoughts and feelings
that in a while
will **** me

I can't take back
The words I never said
Because they stay on my tongue
Like liquor on a alcoholics breath

I am just
another flaw
on the skin
of society

i hate knowing
that if i was gone
like the moon when the sun rises
that no one would miss me  
and i ceased to exist

I love how
when you sleep
all your problems disappear
for just a little while
but my problem is
trying to go to sleep
with all of my thoughts
screaming at me
to stay awake

you are like a beating heart
spreading yourself through my body
through veins and arteries
healing me
because i
did not know
how to heal
myself

when i first met you
i thought that you were to good for me
but now as i have figured out
i am not good enough for me

I never thought
that you could love me
because i never even knew
how to love myself

I hate it
when
I try to
fight with
myself
because
I know
that I will
always
lose

being stabbed 1000 times
through the chest
with a rusty blade
over and over again
with your feelings and emotions
gushing out of you
feels the same
as someone telling you
that they don't
love you anymore

Love
is just a ****** up
way of saying
"I own you now"

my scars
do not define
who i am
but define
the reasons why
i am
who i am

how could
someone
hate
and
despise
me
so much
when
I've
never
even
talked to
them?

I
guess it
must be
me

how could someone just leave your life
and act like it never happened?

oh yeah.

it means they never cared in the first place.

Sticks and stones
May break my bones
But words
Will always **** me

who knew
that words would hurt
just as bad as
the blade
that was tearing my skin

i never thought that anyone could love me
until the day i wasn't there
to love anyone else
or myself

It's been awhile since I last saw you
I heard that you found her
The perfect girl
That is not me
And you treat her like a princess
While I am obsessed
With listening to the voices in my mind
Telling me to die
Everyday

Here's to the New Year
A new me
But little do you know
That I will not change
I will stay the same
And so will my mind
In the ****** up state
It is already in
Because of you
And your demons

All girls have a dream
To be loved by someone
Boy or girl
And to grow old with them
But for me
That dream will never exist
Because of one person
Who ruined me
And because of them
I will cease to exist
And I will drown in my own sadness

The day I started to actually breathe
Was the day that you took those breaths away from me
Those breaths became shallow
And jagged
Like my lungs were craving
The sweet taste of oxygen
Air
That only you could deliver to me
Through your soft lips
And hands that explored places I never thought it would
But then came the day
That the air through your lips
And the feeling of your hands
On my rough skin
Left me for the last time
And on that same day
I finally took the blade to my pale skin
And took my last breath I would ever take
On this living hell we call the world

Someone once said to me
"The sky is sad, just like your eyes."
I've just come to understand this
That the reason the sky is so sad
Is because the heat of the sun
Leaves it's dark depths every night
Just like you
When you left me standing there
That cold winters night
In the frightening depths
Of my own terrifying thoughts
And years of feelings
That visit me every night
In my head
And tear me apart
From the inside out

You gave me a million reasons to leave
But you always gave me one to stay
You broke me
In ways no one could fathom
But I held on
To the cliff that was you
Until one day
I decided
To fall into its murky depths
And let the water
Take me away
And into the deep

Little did i know
that you would haunt me
little did i know
that you would break me
little did i know
that you wouldn't stop me
little did i know
that you would end up killing me