I fell for it
I fell for you again
I didn't want to
I knew I shouldn't
But I couldn't resist you
As always
Why am I so weak
To fall for the words
I know aren't anything
Not worth my time
My energy
I deleted eighty percent
Of whatever happened
From my drunken brain
My phone
But I remember
I wished you a
"Mediocre New Year"
And with your responses
I was entrapped
Ensnared
And clothes came off
Prematurely with our words
And I kept telling you
"You're a bad idea"
You wanted pictures
I'm glad my friends
Didn't let me send
Because I want love
And you want lust
Last night
I think I pretended
I wanted it too
But I don't
"I shouldn't want you"

Broken in repetitions 
Lying stagnant in defeat 
It's only been one girl
But my heart's barely breathing
 It took me years to love again
It's not that easy to just say hi or hey
Not just any girl to fall in dismay
The heart's recovering from the past pain

I wish it would hurry up,
I wish time would run its course,
my mind has become detached,
and my heart I wish to divorce.
this pain is ebbing away,
in the dark depths of my soul,
it is not so easy to fill a gap,
when all that is left is a hole.

Pushing away every viable ardor
Beats of fragments danced in my head
Every girl that came with open arms
Lure me with expectations that never seem to last
Those sweet nothings will gave me infinite hope of catching feelings
Always shutting the door and locking it.

**But this door can only stay locked for so long,
I've lost sight of what is right and what is wrong,
such expectations have destroyed me helplessly,
I've been choking on my pain, breathlessly.
when they came around, I was full of vitality,
and now they're gone, I've been living rather absently.

May the hurt you knew
Be washed away for always
In this year of new

Meet me somewhere dark,
and I'll try to shake
the trauma induced erotophobia
long enough to be
worth your while.

Meet me somewhere dark,
and I'll be so invisible
that I'll be comfortable being seen.
And don't worry,
I bite, hard.

Where is my heart?
I can hear it
I can't feel it
I can't see it
But I hear it
I don't know what that means.

How can I do this alone?
Each time depression hits
Leaving me inside my head
Praying someone understands



Making me feel if I'm trapped
Everywhere seems always closed

I left feathers on your pillow
           and you threw them away

I whistled a song outside your window
           and you closed the blinds

I tried to build a soft place for you to lay
           but you stepped on it

I thought you loved birds

Being so aggravated that you dig your nails into your palm until it bleeds