After were gone
my heart will sit out
on the lawn
And my mind back in our den.
I'm blessed and charmed to be a Pon,
That much I comprehend.
Never wonder- always ill be, grateful till the end:

but an abnormal load of guilt, you see
I feel always & constantly

You wont say, but I still know,
that the ride of life I drive too slow.
Somehow, every loving act,
answered question, & proven fact
I took to quickly, wisdom lacked,
my psyche now barley intact.

for drugs are my defining trait...
never imagined as my fate...
I had it too good, I still have it so...
What the **** will I do when both of you go?
I can barley get by, the extent you don’t know,
of the Eric sacrificed, revert I don’t grow.

I may look like a man, but you know that I'm not
there is so much much more I need to be taught.

Austin and I
Move at different speeds.

The fatal race of life we each compete
at a pace unique to ourselves.
I find myself disoriented all the time,
exiting delirium, now on a regular basis...
Each time
requiring
A reorientation
Without which myself is lost.
When each reorientation
Is less accurate than before,
it all becomes inevitablly  lost.

That initial destination I may never know.

Through the haze In my mind
Waves Austin
And in a heartbreaking protest.
Waits Austin.
in a Tribute to nostalgia-
it's Austin-
And in an intersectionally unique pain  we are connected. There, he stays.
And as I slowly, But surely,
Continue my own race-
I glance back, constantly, and his hand still waves me on-
the gift of direction..
.
Now as I lay here
Before I can rise
I force myself to record it
for a better me;
that

Austin and I-
Move at different speeds.

Lying in thick dark
the candle we made glows warm,
burns away my time.

I made a pitcure of jade and emma,
Tossed it on my wall,
Even took a couples pics
They loved it, that was all.
Neither understood its facts,
and till now, neither did I
Intended not as honorary, but as a battlecry.
That picture I conceived of them, includes me in it not- just my reflection in it's glaze, an abstraction in their thoughts.

And yes, even we formidibal three
Somehow all forgot
That even forever aint forever
Our lessons already taught.
And so the power of this image, is more then I will share-
It merley depicts my two best friends,
Admiting they don't care.

This type of art is devistating.
Astonishingly clever,
So clear its truths invisible
The subjects see it never.

Sara I know you won't get this but Im writing it anyways- I think about you at the strangest times and I wish you could see the artist I've become and am going to be. You are permanently in my heart. I will make your mother a beautiful piece and I hope you can somehow see it. You are missed by such a random connection, me, just as strong as ever when it happens. I love you. Thank you for loving me too. Rest in peace, through the Mellin collie and the infinite sadness.

H for the humility be it here or there
U for understanding  yet so  unaware
G for the good and also the great
O for opinions we insinuate

You'll never know if they'll come back,
to mend your heavy heart,
to create all the things you lack,
to validate your art.
True friends one will always know,
regardless where they choose to go.

When your love is more then theirs,
you'll notice quite the bruise;
you'll be the only one who cares
and only one to loose.
Will you come back for me my friend?
Or will this truly be the end.

Standing Tall, Standing Brave
is to ignore the chase
begin to hope, rethink the life
I once chose to embrace
though I've still got you-
All  age is on your face-
You've become the one reason
for my life, to retrace
Because you see- with your love
my sorrows replace,
your compassion is my fuel
in life's brutal race.
With Softly Spoken Wisdom &
Unrelenting Grace-
Dad you remind me alone
that I'm not in this place.

I would like you to stay.
Stay where you've always been-
Where I once was. I would like you to stay
Here
With me. And I know that it is wrong and
Selfish
to even express
How still I long for you to stay- but I cannot bare the bruise
Of another milestone
Whipped at my head
though they're not even mine.

I never thought I would become all that I now am. I never thought I was this capable of hurting myself. I never thought I would be this alone surrounded by all the things I love and understand. I never thought this would happen so early on;
The great distance left bearing only heavier weights.

So I'll take whatever milestones I can
And abuse their theoretical beauty

The sleep

and breaking of my bones-

My last and final duty.