i feel the cold on my bare feet
i walk to the window
i wish i was as happy at the people on the street
the sound of my metal chains echo in my ears
the cuffs hurt but its okay
i'm used to it..its been almost a year
i hear screams down the hall
i use to scream like that too
But ive realized i already hit rock bottom
so there’s no more to fall

most nights i stare at the ceiling  
happy memories tease me
mistakes haunt me
until i’m left reeling
i learned that my tears..
are just words needed to be written
but those words are my biggest fears
i've been here 83 days
and i now know
How to regret things
a  million different ways

always in the back of my mind, there is this face
I see their blue eyes
i think its the person that put me in this place
i still have the note they gave me
i read it when i forget
what its like to be free
their ghost wont let me be
but somehow i still miss them
even though this is what
they did to me

you say your hands are cold,that you forgot your gloves
i look down at my hands
i take my only pair off and give them to you
i feel the cold air on my bare hands
i tell myself its not too bad and you'll give them back if i need them
hours go by
you still have my gloves
the muscles in my fingers become ridged from the cold
but i love to see you warm so i don't ask for them back
another hour goes by
you still have my gloves
i cant feel or move my fingers now
the tips are starting to burn...
i know this is the start of frost bite
but i don't want to take the warmth from you so i wait a little longer to ask you for them back

i finally gather the courage to approach you ...
under my breath, i ask if i can borrow them for a bit?
just to get the blood back in my veins?
you stare at me for what seems like forever...then you start to laugh
you say: i'm fine
you say: i don't really need them
you say: i'm dramatic
i say, i feel numb
i say: i just need them for a little bit
you say: i'm selfish
you say: i don't love you....that i want you to be cold like i am
you say: i'm a coward and say that instead of asking you
i should just learn to deal with it

i stood there not knowing what to say ... maybe you right?
so i decide to bare it , i bare it while my hands start to sting
i watch you with our friends as i sit on the side-lines
the love i have for you is the only warmth left in my body
i look down and my hands are turning blue now
i cant let me do this to myself
i realize i need to find help ...but that means i have to leave you
i never want to leave you
but you refuse to go with

after much consideration, i do what is best for no one else but me
i leave..
i leave while you still hold a bit of me
leaving was one of the hardest decisions i have ever made

"i'm sorry "
"i'm here for you if you need someone"
presses send

tears run down my cheek
i didn't realize
how much that hurt
i guess i'm still a bit weak
do u have a clue
i waited three months
to hear the same words
from you?
"if you need someone"
I opened every text
wiped away all my tears
use all i had left just to smile at you
but you just walked away
i stood there perplexed
Now its months later, a guy dies
and i saying these sacred words to you
i hate how i give some much of myself
to only receive lies
"i'm here for you"
you will never know
these tears are not for him
i never met him
so...
these tears are for my hope,
my heart,and my soul
that shattered one by one
because of you