They call me a ****
Tell me I’m a *****
That I’m fat
And that I’m ugly.
Yet they don’t know that when I go home
I hear it all again.
The students voices echo in my mind.
The long sleeves I wear to school
even in 90 degree weather
covers the scars.
I try to become invisible,
to walk by unnoticed,
but it never works.
They sense my presence and lash out at me,
Like a wolf on it’s prey.
I go home and cry myself to sleep.
Every night their words echo in my ears,
never going away.
Messages with the same words heard every day.
Suggestions of killing myself.
It wouldn’t make much difference
Just one less person crowding the halls.
One less person silently screaming inside.
One less person to believe I’m worthless.
Tears stream down my face as she ***** the gun.
The song that originally saved my life begins to play.
I close my eyes,
and with a deep breath he pulls the trigger.
The only thing left of me being the note that I wrote.
“I’m sorry...I can’t do this anymore”
with blood splattered across the pages.

Trembling vision and quivering knees indicate your world is shaking
A sinkhole beneath the concrete once thought of as a foundation
A tapestry of normality ripped violently to pieces
As you find yourself falling once again

A bleeding heart within my sight, a glass wall in between
As you pour your insides onto the floor and I look on helplessly
And I would offer a healing word, but the world drowns them silent
As I find you there, falling once again...

Trust.
Friendship.
Loyalty.
Promises.

Trust.
The one thing that I gave willingly.
The one thing that held worth.
Every word kept close.
Every moment feeling as safe as the last.
Until it was destroyed.
Until it broke myself and my heart.
All in one night.
Trust.

Friendship.
A connection I favored.
A connection that meant everything in my life.
Holding me up when I was low.
Holding my heart when daggers searched for it.
A relationship mistakenly strong.
A relationship turned cold.
All in one night.
Friendship.

Loyalty.
You had my “back.”
You had my everything.
Showing me your faithful hands.
Showing me your the adherence I needed to pull through.
Tear off the shroud that misted around us.
Tear off the secret lie I never once knew.
All in one night.
Loyalty.

Promises.
Let us talk about the binds of spoken word.
Let us say how easily they are formed in the night.
Begging for that one declaration to happen.
Begging that you held up this one expectation.
God if only the blind were not dumb.
God if only the precaution was taken to heart.
All in one night.
Promises.

Trust.
Friendship.
Loyalty.
Promises.

All in one night.

please forgive me
when i go
but there was a sadness in me
i never did show

i kept it buried inside
where only i could feel
and i tried to tell myself
that it just wasn't real

i hid it from all
because it knew what it did
it tears you apart
with a darkness you can't rid

and i have tried my best
and thought i could handle it
but it has been so long
it is time i give in to it

so i bid my farewell
it will be better this way
and know it's not your fault
but i could no longer stay.

s.s

You speak of my frustrations
in memories aloft
High as I was in the sky,
so as low will be my drop

In most of days I long for you,
and in most I feel the weight
of the pain that sears and scorches through
my arteries and veins

How long, how long shall your stare remain  
to torment my heart and soul?
The hades of which now fills my mind
had once felt much like home

and now I hide in solitude
from suffering and from pain
To escape the toils of loving you
To sleep and never wake again.

To find oneself is positive in society
But when I searched myself
I went too deep
And all I saw was darkness

Horrific and hellish
The internal warfare within
Created a hatred for the evil
And the people in this wretched world

To understand a monster
Are you not one yourself?
So I tortured with hate
The creature inside

A wish for its extinction
With no one to know
Until it was too late
The night of its death

I know the depression is all in my head
I have it pretty severe
but it's nothing to dread
because I don't fear what's under my bed
I fear…
I fear…
Myself.
My depression isn't seasonal
it is induced by a simple thing
when I look in the mirror
and I feel I will never see a diamond ring
on this finger of mine
on this finger
because of my mind.
I look in the mirror and I see a monster
something that's clawing at my eyes
and hoping that someday I will just realize
that someday
some way
I will be okay.
they say it's all your perception
I say it's in my reflection
it's all that I need to know
that my life isn't real
and the things that I feel
are not okay.
The pile the medication,
one after another until I feel nothing is left,
because nothing will ever be right.
I start falling asleep in class
thing is I never wanted to wake up in the first place.
I don't want to open my eyes and see my classmates laughing at me
because
of what I see in the mirror.