If you accidentally
             fall out of love,
Do you just dive
                back in head first?
           Feet first??
                     Eyes closed???
        Cannon ball????
             Or
Do you walk away
       Cause you can't swim
And you're scared to death
                   of *drowning?????

Sleeplessness is a lonely kingdom.

I could promise myself discipline with the daylight,
but what if I told you that I lied under the moonlight?
Sinners never sleep,
sinners never sleep.

They lie awake and talk
with the wings of Gabriel.
They don't shut their eyes;
there are stories in the picture houses of their own.
Of lie and deciet.
And guilt and anguish.

They'll never sleep.

They'll howl with the night
and forget why they were meant
to darken their hearts to match the sky.

They'll never glow. They'll never beat.
I'll never sleep. I'll never sleep again.

My body ached
I felt bruised
Stretched to the limits
I felt physically abused.

My insides were moved
To different locations
It felt unreal
It was a surreal sensation.

My back hurt
My bones shifted
I felt sick
The pain persisted.

I felt like being ripped
From the inside out
They watched and waited
As I continued to shout.

Oh! The pain!
Oh! The discomfort!
I lay there out of breath
As I pushed with all my effort.

One last great push
It will soon end
I screamed
I shouted

Then stillness
Silence fell
My head plopped back
I felt like I was under a spell.

The silence was broken
By a piercing wail
It sounded like an angel
And you were unveiled.

Nothing ached anymore
There you are
My little angel
My little shining star.

He plays with my hair until his fingers get tangled,
I keep them there in fear that it's the last thing keeping us connected.

A little part of me breaks when I catch you leaving through your eyes to some place you'll never tell me about,
leaving your body living dead
and me to wonder what to do because I want so desperately to be your home like you are mine.
No matter what I do,
I don't feel like home
and that's maybe because I am not a safe place to live in.
My windows have been shattered
and someone stole the door,
the walls have been ruined with spray paint
and droplets of water spill through the cracks.
But when you're here with me,
it stops raining
and the broken crystals from my broken window dance with the sunrays,
making beautiful light art,
the door-less entrance lets butterflies along with pollen from beautiful flowers in
and the spray paint looks like it's fading.

you sent me a love letter, a message in a bottle
but when i cracked it open i cut up my hands.
i guess i’m the same way;
i wrote you a love song
but i forgot i didn’t know how to sing,
so i yelled the words at your window like
i was flinging pebbles and you told me to put down
my boombox because i was going to wake up
the whole **** neighborhood
with my teenage angst,
my painfully naive i love you-s.
i think my heart is too loud for suburb lawns
and white picket fences.
and i guess that’s the trouble with us;
we were always
controlled chaos, a dormant volcano
and all the kids counted down to the eruption
like they were waiting for the other shoe to drop  
and numbered their calendars for a date
that should’ve been on a unmarked grave.
and we’ve just got short fuses,
kisses and bruises
because when someone is the pin to your grenade
when someone is the oil spill to your wildfire
you’ve always got to be wary of explosions.
and we were always going to ***** each other over,
we were always going to
burn too bright, burn out too fast.
because i was just a pretty girl in a sundress,
and this is just a memory you’ve been trying to repress
hand clenched in the fabric of us,
so determined to not let the inevitable happen on schedule.  
and i love you so i’ll ruin you, it’s inevitable
and i love you so you’ll leave, it’s inevitable
and i love you so it’s not going to work out like i want it to.
it’s just... inevitable.
there’s no avoiding it the future unless
you take your own away.
sometimes i have to remind myself five times a day
that destruction, that implosion,
that falling apart isn’t as poetic as i think it is.
and now, i’m biting my tongue to keep from saying
baby, bring home the wreckage
maybe there’s still something there for us to salvage
and if we're a sinking ship, i'll go down with you
and if we’re doomed, i’ll be ****** with you.
because i’m still thinking there’s an off chance,
because i’m still thinking that maybe if you still...
i’m still thinking that all this time
i was just wishing on the wrong star and there’s still a chance,
there’s still wishes to waste
and coins to throw in the fountain
and eyelashes to count on.
but you know somebody once told me
that the stars aren’t really there, we’re just seeing
footprints of where they used to be.
we’re always looking a galactic graveyard, a sky littered
with the star-studded remains of supernovas.  
always thought you were more of a black hole than a star,
but maybe there’s some truth to every cliche;
i see everywhere you used to be clearly,
i can see your presence in every absence.
because i miss you terribly
and i know i’m not supposed to.
but i still wonder what you’re thinking about sometimes.
i still wonder about the stars
you’re looking at sometimes.
i still wonder if we see
the same constellations
anymore.

and lately i've been
excited to sleep
close me eyes
ready to dream,
for it is the only place
i can still be with you