I'm stuck in this eddy.
And I'm such a poor swimmer.

I get swirled around.
Like a little helpless fly
caught in a wineglass.
Unbeknownst to the drinker.

I'm stuck in this eddy.
And I'm such a poor thinker.

I allow my mind
to get swashed around...
Like a lone sock
in the washing machine.
Lost without its other.

I'm stuck in this eddy.
And I'm such a poor survivor.*

So I just submit
to the will of the currents.
Like an empty bottle.
Stuck head down at the neck,
in the bathroom floor trap.

Sink or float...
I can do neither.

I don't even want to try
But I keep hoping and wishing
That someone, somewhere
Can somehow, sometime fill this void.

It won't be you, I know.
For you just make the emptiness
More hollow and more painful
Now I know better than to wait for nothing.

If all this is nothing to you
Then you are nothing to me.
I'll get a grip on myself
And let the emptiness be.

There's an empty vessel
It cannot be filled with what it needs
I try to fill it with something
But it refuses to be filled.

Empty words.
Empty promises.
Empty actions.
Make for an empty heart.

I've wasted my time
Thinking it can be filled
But no matter how I tried
I keep coming home empty-handed.

Here I go again
Putting my heart on my sleeve
I've done this so many times
Without learning from the past

I get what I want
Then they leave me behind
I can't put up a show
Pretending to be happy

Here I go again
I've fallen into the abyss
Of depression and sadness
The pieces of my heart around me

I got what I want
But I'm left broken... again
Once more, they turn their backs
On me, leaving me with my tears.

Here I go again
Wallowing in madness
My heart has been shattered
Yet again, I'll duct tape it.

Can someone fix me
I want to be whole again
Let me be in one piece
Let me be whole again.

Here I go again
Picking myself up
Trying to be strong
Trying to carry on

I got what I want
Forget the rest
Put a fake smile on my face
When inside, I'm shattering to pieces.

Here I sit with no one
But my thoughts
The room is silent
Yet, I hear so much noise.

My body ached
I felt bruised
Stretched to the limits
I felt physically abused.

My insides were moved
To different locations
It felt unreal
It was a surreal sensation.

My back hurt
My bones shifted
I felt sick
The pain persisted.

I felt like being ripped
From the inside out
They watched and waited
As I continued to shout.

Oh! The pain!
Oh! The discomfort!
I lay there out of breath
As I pushed with all my effort.

One last great push
It will soon end
I screamed
I shouted

Then stillness
Silence fell
My head plopped back
I felt like I was under a spell.

The silence was broken
By a piercing wail
It sounded like an angel
And you were unveiled.

Nothing ached anymore
There you are
My little angel
My little shining star.

To deny me is to hurt me.
To deny me is to break my heart into a tiny million shards of glass
To deny me is to turn your back on me
To deny me is to pretend that I don't exist

Because when you deny me, you are closing the door on me and opening a window to let the others' ray of light shine on you instead.

To deny me is to deprive me of smiles.
To deny me is to shatter my ego.
To deny me is to step on my confidence.
To deny me is to pretend that I don't exist.

Because when you deny me, it means that you want others to give you happiness that I cannot provide myself.

To deny me is to pierce my soul.
To deny me is to sink me into madness.
To deny me is to let my tears flow endlessly.
To deny me is to pretend I don't exist.

Because when you deny me, you hurt me and break my heart that I have tried so many times to patch up with duct tape.