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8.1k · Aug 2015
mercury bubbles
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
And no one saw her cutting
They saw echoing mercury bubbles of each other
Within the blue colored shadows that she was created from
2.5k · Aug 2015
Living Dead Girl
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
It’s just that I always thought I would find the one who loves me. 
And I did.
But still I feel myself getting use to living with that blonde hair girl in the mirror.
1.7k · Aug 2015
Cutting
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
Cutting could be an emo's second death, or cutting could be an emo's second chance at life...
Just a dream
1.5k · Aug 2015
A Martian Flame
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
I savour suicide itself with a martian flame
And fall right into its valleys of Ett
1.3k · Aug 2015
The Raven
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
A raven, so quiet, 
Sat on a branch outside
For a chance to be.  

The ice made her move,
Her heart beat fast
The other ravens had nothing to say.

The feather in her eyes
Dried out on the pages  
In which she'd silently write.
    
But deep in her dreams,
She knew it would not be..
And gave up on her hope.
Again, wrote this when I was in 8th grade. No reason.
1.2k · Aug 2015
butthead~
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
Met him at Target staring at baby Ciels
He made her heart beat faster than a racecar engine
And he's so dreamy
He looked at her and nodded  
At the check out
Before she made it to her mom's car, he was in her mind
Everytime she stops to think  
In further detail, she sees
Him and how they can't be together because he's always dating someone else
1.2k · Aug 2015
Superwoman
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
I tell myself it will be alright
As I sit on my bed
Clutching my hair at the seems
Shaking my fists uncontrollably 
Feeling the hole in my heart run out of my eyes
Knowing once the ice breaks
The dogs will stop barking and clawing at the fences   
That jealousy must Go
Prowling the earth like a tiger in the jungle
I understand what power feels like  
Except my hunger is making me weak
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
Crying over stupid things
Filling your mouth with chocolate everythings
Upset over the simplest things, you want to just scream  
These feelings come and go, or stay a few days
Everything has to be cleaned or organized just right or I'll go ****** girl
Wearing simple things and hiding in your room for days, sad or depressed
Being filled with water like a balloon, feeling sleepy and like you can't do anything
Opening your eyes to see it's today, it's no valentines day
Same feelings, same amys, different month
Pen or paper? Awkward or uncomfortable?
941 · Aug 2015
Lotion
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
Lotion rubbed over my hands
As you move them around my body
To soften each area of my skin
Lotion all spread
As I feel my soft hairless thighs
And lose my ability to keep my eyes awake
Lotion on my nose and around my eyes and under my ears
As I slowly move my hands towards you
I don't remember why I ever stopped posting on deviant art
934 · Aug 2015
Papa Paparazzi
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
Does this picture make me look like an idiot?  
Does this foundation cover enough of my face?
Do these sunglasses hide the flaws behind my eyes?
Do these jeans reveal too much of my slutty body?
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
Warm wet hands lather my smooth face,
Peeling away each layer of grime,
The texture of the water mixes with my eyes,
Making me feel a strangely smooth sensation stronger than ever
Pimples slowly melt away inside the hot steam,
Appearing then disappearing again
What a waste of steam,
What a waste of complexion
So wonderfully smooth and tempting like...
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
Tilt the pinball machine
Letting the ***** 
Drop into the holes
Lick the button
Off the sides
Like the salt of a 'tato  
Use the mini mirror to check your make up
Like a funhouse
Rainbow stops the dark
Take a extra bite
Of the silver sun
Get my Vitaminsss  
Scratch into the glass
Use your polished nails as mini knives
For the Wizard's mind games.
639 · Aug 2015
Valley Sweat
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
The valley sweat of love's song
left me staring into the distance.
I felt I needed to show the shadows of harps
that grow around my secret
diary  
And I found fire that didn't burn me. 
How can you feel the chemicals reacting behind a word and thought 
And then say that they are just dreams? 
How does one read but feel nothing at all?
636 · Aug 2015
burnt
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
As Ozzy once put it in his Black Sabbath song 'Children of the Grave'-
"you must be brave...
or you children of today (the world)
are the children of the grave..."
  
consider me burnt
the embers of the sky
an ashtray in your heart
the curls of smoke behind your lips
the darkness in your eyes
the lightning in the clouds
the skeletons lost to time
a lonely corpse
left to rot

like the children of the light
584 · Aug 2015
love and ghost
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
Dark wedding vows
says my dying love.
If you were to live again,
beside you I would stand.
As you'd take your first  
step, your first death has gone.
I'll shadow your heart with mine
eclipsing the moon in my light.
580 · Aug 2015
Polka● Dot Dresses●
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
You cannot convince me
That these polka dot dresses
Are cute
Because they only come in one color
Dots        
And more dots
So explain
How can you tell this truth to someone  
Who hates wearing these dresses?
You don't...
579 · Sep 2015
Period
Chelsea Spears Sep 2015
Blood gathering on my pad
Like the times with you I'll never get back
Feeling my ****** cramp some
But I guess it's not over yet
557 · Aug 2015
Trick or Treat
547 · Aug 2015
The Speed Of Light
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
Wearing short shorts
Out in the freezing rain
Hoping I'll lose
A pound
Or two
From these colors that I shined
So gray, so gray
535 · Sep 2015
I Won't
Chelsea Spears Sep 2015
Everything is drama sometimes
I can't worry about it
I am done listening
I am done pretending to love someone I don't

My life no longer revolves around jerks
I don't need your friendship anymore
I seriously don't care
I won't let you bring me down any lower

Buried in these eyes are tears
Nobody sees
Nobody needs to know

I didn't actually need your kisses or hugs
I managed
My life was too dependent on sharing and bonding
I'd rather walk away and find new friends than try to fix you
526 · Aug 2015
Two And A Half Men
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
I don't say I love you so I can hear it come out of your mouth like a parrot. I say it so there will never be a reason why you should ever think it's not true.
518 · Aug 2015
Thought Over Dream
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
Your chemical romance
Left my cherry lips, kissed my wrists
Leaving me thunderstruck
Oh how a romance can ignite a flame in the darkest of places...
488 · Aug 2015
Gary Dick Oak
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
A boy once roasted me
that if I thought of pokemon
the way I thought of reality
my mouth would stop
But loose monsters sink boats
and I was the first girl trainer on the S.S. Anne
for I would rather drown in defeat
than smell him later
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
Each splash of Pink
leaves my nails so shiny, pretty and polished
Paint lands on my cuticles and compliments my feel
The strong scent of open nail polish  bottles in my room make me feel a little lightheaded
My nails appear so reflective and smooth from this
angle  
I use different colors for different reasons
pink for perfect
I'm in love with Pink, its just such an amazing color
Like that color that says, "Let's go shopping."        
Painted pink cuticles are so hot
I almost forgot that I'm a
tomboy~
455 · Aug 2015
Indigo eyes ...
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
As I trace the deep skies running up my real dreams, 
my sixth sense tells me that it can feel it with goosebumps,
signifying a supernatural change and changing the colors in my eyes to a dark dark indigo.      
          
I do not know if eyes are suppose to change colors like this  
              
It always happens 

Around this time each month
440 · Aug 2015
Pyramid
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
You're not even standing by the tombs of ancient Egypt
and yet
I've made a greater pyramid for the new Atlantis
414 · Aug 2015
Sa1ad Ba¡~
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
Crunchy crunch crunch; mirrors and sinks
Olive garden breadsticks  
Dried crouton thingies  
Enriched yum yum
Whole-y yum yums
O
Om
Omgeeeeee
413 · Sep 2015
Hope.
Chelsea Spears Sep 2015
They say it like they know it,
And you've always kept quiet,
But you've got poetry,
Right down to the louve,
It's now just a hall,
In your mind's eye,
To see,
And not like what is there,
The picture in your word blackens,
But it won't let you speak it,
You gave up on being perfect,      
A long time ago,
Flowers in a tomb,
Keep watch by Egypt,
Yet you still feel their shadow,
Though their spirits are gone,
If they were real,
They'd leave memories too,
But love only lasts so long,
By a dream like you,
Although your spirits are still here,
And mysteries remain unknown,    
You're only seeing your words,
While the earth sees your hope.
409 · Aug 2015
Smooth Criminals~
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
Cut into my thighs
(Just losing weight)
Clean up the tub
(Just a little blood)
Throw away the evidence
(Suicide is a crime they can't punish)
397 · Aug 2015
-
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
-
Vampires
Draining their drink
fingertips, counting seeds
The apples on the trees
Like mount everest
and its peak
The ripples of your lips made shadows
You took me down faster than light
But how can I blame such a thirsty fiend
I should have known to see
before you got on top of me
It was hurting me inside
But you made rain
You said that word
More than you ever meant It
381 · Aug 2015
I Hate My Everything
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
Right now I’m honestly struggling with my weight  
I hate how I look
I’m always comparing myself to everyone else
to the point where this hole in my heart becomes deeper and deeper
I don’t have what she has
my ***** are too big
my stomach is disgusting and gross
I can’t wear anything without feeling like I'm not right
Sometimes I wish I could stop cutting
so I can be happy with what I have now
I sit in the shower and try to hide underwater
as I cry it all out for an hour or so
I feel like nobody wants me
whenever I go out to school I'm scared for my life
I feel so worthless next to everyone else
so I hide in the halls by myself during lunch    
I wish this knife in my hands would go away        
I hate cutting my body and just want to die
I just wish I was smaller like all other girls I've seen
so I can stop feeling like such a loser all the time
WRITTEN BY: Chelsea Rae Spears 
WRITTEN ON: August. 17, 2015 Thursday 12:47 A.M.
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
Visiting this gravestone right here
But just murmuring a few words the ghosts around here might hear echoing through their spirit realm
Sitting curled up by a lonely flower
Blaring heavy metal songs
Since I cannot have my family back 
At least these ghost's let me stay awhile hovering over All That Remains
371 · Aug 2015
Apologies
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
Don't worry about saying you're sorry,
I've already apologized for you.
363 · Aug 2015
<3. (poem for Felicia F
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
You are out of this world hot;
Inside and out
You do not get in stupid fights, you do not hit people and smile

You are out of this world hot;
Inner beauty and heart
Perfect and a star  

You are out of this world hot;
Pretty and full of fun stories
Stares with butterflies, silent, always speechless

You are out of this world hot;
Mystic and true
Kisses sweeter than strawberries dipped in chocolate

You are out of this world hot...
358 · Aug 2015
ching chow...
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
My eyes can never be fully opened
So let's all go draw anime
In a manga of our own
356 · Sep 2015
Won't Stop
Chelsea Spears Sep 2015
I won't stop reading
It's an addiction
I won't stop and I don't plan to
Furtherer and further I see
I passion the passion in my eyes
Cherry coke pouring from my sight
At last, a song to kiss my broken
I can't stop 'til I am happy and free
The sky above me reaching too
I shouldn't want to fly higher  
I am not going to be that little girl everyone thought was weak
352 · Aug 2015
Daily Double
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
Turn on the ac
Freeze my worries away
Turn off the basement lights
Hide from the monsters in my closet
Close the dark windows and shades
Forget about those blood hounds tracking my history
Close the curtain on their act of disbeliefs
Work without truthful sounding distractions
Unplug the life support on all my exes  
Save the love for someone who wants it
348 · Aug 2015
My puppy
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
The way she wags her little tail
and her fur is always needing attention
The way she stares at me
and her eyes so full of life  
The way she loves kisses
The way she barks to get my attention
Her eyes are dark, dark choco
I'd hurt really bad if she ever left without me
338 · Aug 2015
-
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
-
Orchids grow from
black holes without light
Crushed down into singularities
from the pressure of being the only stars that were never loved
338 · Aug 2015
Hollow
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
Part of me will never forget
for not loving you

But another part                           
feels like you wanted me to
Causing me to   

Part of me was already on the way to the bakery
to find cupcake making supplies

when my reflection appeared, realized you don’t have a sweetheart

Unless the reflection was made with darkness, 
there was no way you would see clearly now 
                                                          
I wonder why you had wanted something else    
when all you love is lost

Thinking you were hoping that I could be there with you
back into the graveyard tracks

so that these echoes
made sense like a song again

I believe things are better now  
but it is like blowing on a candle the days of your life

Definitely not worth it   
though I understand your truths and words left unsaid. 

I would have given you my heart 
within the reflections of a sweet sweet ghost
330 · Aug 2015
A liar
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
Being a liar has its ups and downs
But some things you just don't know
There's been guys I've dumped, and guys I've lied too
Telling the truth and hoping they'll understand gets you no where, you must move on without them and just stop loving them completely
  
Suicide, attempting it, cutting deeper until that friend who said they loved you is finally gone
Not even arguing or speaking to you anymore
Still doing what I want to be me,  making me out to be bad is so childish that I don't even say a peep no more
Freaking out over me being bad or whatever, nothing less or more will ever change me so give up and die

I've been through some crazy relationships so far with people who swore they would protect me                          
I've been thrown on the street by my mother over money
I didn't even have the chance to buy a car or find an apartment
Not looking forward to you or anyone like you talking smack behind my back either

I still have to listen to you text me asking if I'm alright or if I forgive you
These promises are called Lies...150 mg's truthful sounding bs
I have to have my own dreams apart from yours even if you think I'm not doing what's right, I've ignored every text and deleted you from my heart
At this age I'm alone with barely enough money to make it out alive, no one like you will ever understand me so please get out of my life before I really do **** myself because now that I'm alone...I can't be stopped
326 · Aug 2015
This
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
Nibbling on my lip gloss plastic tube thingy
Liquids dripping from my mouth
Soft red lips  
Slightly open and drooling, drooling
Tasting the cherry
Flavored substance smack
Waiting to be over this
Feeling
326 · Aug 2015
Empty bag!
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
My salt and vinegar chips glaze my lips
To the point of pure golden bliss
I will miss every chip even more when they're gone  
But I cannot let my tears fill this empty bag
320 · Aug 2015
Theory of :p
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
Nothing
Quark
Atom
Sun
Black Hole
Universe
EXPANSION!
318 · Aug 2015
Target YYZX-237659200743991
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
Dating an emo
is never a good thought:
boys dressed in black,
dark and unimpressed
for butterfly effect,
more emotional than some me
with a shattered heart,
that dream in quantums
and theoretical love physics
of hearts they'll break next.
Silence is a quiver,
suspense is an arrow of ice
but with only one shot,
the tension could break a ghost.
317 · Aug 2015
-
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
-
It was an ****** thought
Of Milk and Rice Crispies
With a yearning between out eyes
The first time is magic
311 · Aug 2015
Panic Attack-y
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
My heart was never really too broken
until I turned 13  
I went from being sad to scared all the time
like a lost bunny left out in the cold
I found myself dreaming less
and if I did dream I had nothing but fear  
during the morning I'd hurt bad
and it got worse every second
but I kept quiet about it because talking doesn't help
Sometimes my heart hurt so bad
that I lost control of my tears
I lay on the floor and try to get up
while fighting the urge to die
Some days are not bad
some days are borderline suicide
then there are days where I scream into my pillow so loud and hard
I start to cry uncontrollably then get very very down
It feels like a super volcano is constantly erupting inside my chest
not allowing me to breathe anything but fire and pain
the room gets very hot and I feel so numb
that I start cutting words into my skin "**** me please!"
Sometimes just holding the knife helps when I'm having an insane panic attack
so does running 'til it hurts
my heart feels better when I'm next to you
I'm not really sure why I can't have you
it causes so much pain for me
I'm at my breaking point every day
to think positive is impossible
I have no other option but to cut
let the scars heal and try to cry less
anxiety is a battle that's harder to **** than death
but I think nobody cares because this is how you left me.
WRITTEN BY: Chelsea Rae Spears 
WRITTEN ON: August. 17, 2015 Thursday 2:47 P.M.

I wrote this while in the land of confusions, slow ride-y and chop suey-ly.
309 · Aug 2015
She Is Phenom
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
Her heartstrings are breaking chords
Her tears are like pepper flakes
Her hands are just the right size, holding up the neck of her favorite art
Chelsea Spears Aug 2015
Feeling blood from between my legs monthly
Removing band-aids every few hours    
I notice "Hey, this never ends"  
Even my friend's dogs seem to notice
Not that I could ever stop this form of self-harm
Do you think it's better not to have a friend?
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