I would cross the living room and my tummy would grumble
I would imagine I did all the things I never did                                
I would shatter every chip in my mouth
I would brush my teeth afterwords, tooth by tooth
I would climb on top of a chair and feel like queen of the world
I would do anything to be right next to the refrigerator staring at food  
Just for food ...

Grilled and cheese.
Tomato soup.
Applewood Bacon.
All melted together.
chew
chew

My heart was never really too broken
until I turned 13  
I went from being sad to scared all the time
like a lost bunny left out in the cold
I found myself dreaming less
and if I did dream I had nothing but fear  
during the morning I'd hurt bad
and it got worse every second
but I kept quiet about it because talking doesn't help
Sometimes my heart hurt so bad
that I lost control of my tears
I lay on the floor and try to get up
while fighting the urge to die
Some days are not bad
some days are borderline suicide
then there are days where I scream into my pillow so loud and hard
I start to cry uncontrollably then get very very down
It feels like a super volcano is constantly erupting inside my chest
not allowing me to breathe anything but fire and pain
the room gets very hot and I feel so numb
that I start cutting words into my skin "**** me please!"
Sometimes just holding the knife helps when I'm having an insane panic attack
so does running 'til it hurts
my heart feels better when I'm next to you
I'm not really sure why I can't have you
it causes so much pain for me
I'm at my breaking point every day
to think positive is impossible
I have no other option but to cut
let the scars heal and try to cry less
anxiety is a battle that's harder to **** than death
but I think nobody cares because this is how you left me.

With five reasons why, there should be no more questions
For ex feedback and bs excuses
Just enough reasons why, one for each cheating boyfriend
Of his friends who back him, but only when he doesn't cheat on you,
Is when he blindfolds his lover...
Lovers, whatever.
Five reasons why for one ex?
Ignoring more than one ex is a crime i guess.
Making up lies to more than one ex
may be sweet but taboo

Your tears down my cheek
Your heart in my chest
Your eyes for a dream like mine
You're not lying for me
I want to exchange bodies with you
'Cause you know you want to be me

Today is going to blow
I want to **** a lemon
Can't wait til it's over
This day is over and it's now dark out
In my bed with my phone, I'll fall asleep texting  
Without you responding
Maybe I'll die without meaning    
Maybe I'll attract fruit flies with fruit baskets instead

Small hands that hold
The gold crayon tightly
Creating silver lined hearts   
She'd never been able
To put it into words

between graceland and never
is a small door
growing up faster than you want,
dead,
into something better.
psychology-
keeping someone too close.
playing with guitar strings, without a loose chord.
love, to question the dream
and never find another
somewhere in destiny, or between eventual and alternate realities.

Defeating
Elite
Four
Champions
In

Three

Minutes

Peeling mascara off with the tips of my fingernails
Trying to fit into a pair of jeans that's more breatheable
Making my lashes softer and more bendable
Wearing a darker brown instead of  casual black
While pulling them out
Soon I won't need to curl them or do anything
To them

(I don't know, just explaining why I don't talk much)
                                  
There's a thing such as beavis talk
You only know he's there when he's there
And, there's much more to him than that...
You can't respond  
Then your words  
Lose their power
You don't want          
Anyone to troll you
You don't even
Ignore them yourself

It took me a few months to see that star
And when it shined, it was blackened
from a star to a supernova
So I drank my can of monster
just enough to keep me energized
I wasn't scared of what was out there
or the absence of planets with life
but the chance of seeing another earth looking back at us...

There are two types of guys
Those that look through telescopes, and those who don't
Albert Einstein could undress the universe with a single thought
Your only achievements were in the shadows of that dream

If pain is pleasure then I don't like it,
I'd rather see red than black.
Set sail on a tea party for double,
with you and the tooth fairy-
wondering which will serve the next dish.

Terminator is such a great
movie. He killed
So many humans!
And even promised them that he'd
return

No matter how  
Much I rhyme
I will never be a poet
Concrete Angel
or Bring Me To Life
But I still write  
For maybe the truth is change

You always smelled like
evergreen over winter,
But I'm tired of hoping for
dreams that aren't real,
Because on stormy nights like these,
tears might never fall,
Always sleeping in our beds
and hiding from the shadows
from this torch
dry and crumbling hearts,
to love another
subtle scent of peach
under a broken cast
keep me close.

The knowledge of my sense of what's real
Grew too truthful, too quickly
Now it's changing and
I'm no longer the dream I once was

He bites his ears clean off  
And swallows them bite by bite
Since he isn't full yet
He starts to bite each one of our ears
Then before we can breathe
Without even speaking
Just as he's finishing devouring our flesh  
Moves his tongue behind hid lips in a a circular motion  
Then once more
"With a frosty cool around my glass
Your blood would freeze well to my tongue, amazing!"

I met you in a white school building
You made my heart pound
We both had secret sides
The teachers didn't see, we smart  
I hugged you, you hugged me
We were bubbles and buttercup
But we never, never told anyone
Now, you're gone
I still have the stuff you gave me
I wish you were still alive
But you can't, you're mom told me  
I nearly died, you see
But when you stopped talking to me
I knew...you knew
Your mom, she said it was because of me
But how? You loved me?
I could have stomped your mom...it's my fault for letting her bully you
But I still remember everything we did
I wanted you, you secretly wanted me
Now we're both together in my memories and living our dream

I've always thought I'd be ready
But I actually wasn't
It's sickening
No matter how hard I try
And the warm fluids in your mouth
Burns and tingles inside
Makes you want to gag all over the place
And you try to be polite and say that you'd love it
So you don't sound rude

Soft eyes and hands from my feet to my toes
And these sparks and hidden emotions
Leave my heart feeling super sensitive
Your fingers around my tear ducts
Your scratching the inside of my eyes
I think I might scream
Tissues and tears hidden in the corner of my heart
Between ******* these buttons and unzipping my jeans
Is the need to feel what comes between

Raised by many nations,
but raised for different reasons
A lot of nations
Die for different reasons
But only because
There is a reason
If there were no reasons
There would be no lies
If there was no lies
There would be
No truth  

Raised by the people
Throughout their beliefs
Holding their medals
Bronze stars and more
Against their chest
With no regard for anything else
Shooting down all whom seem weak
They rule with their art of
With hidden meanings so plain to see
Fighting for money
Fighting for honor
It's not for peace
It's all for

I'll wear long sleeves 
Across my arm
As if
It never was
Last time

Bathrooms are the most peaceful places ever
Laying in the tub
Looking at stuff online
Looking for sites that no one's seen before
Behind it all, down really deep
The bathroom is my only place to read
I never need to rush

I'm better off without you
To be so small
~
One day I'll be so
Covered in blood
That when I cry,
No one will notice
Or ask why
Or even pretend to sympathize

When you smile
You cause
Ghostfires    
To travel          
Further up        
My neck

Always feel gross after I eat
Try to relax by the bubble jets at the ymc
Can't wash this song away no matter how long I sit
The sauna and all this exercise couldn't burn the calories today
Just want to cut this cake up and eat what I crave
I hate that I can't lose this weight

Mistakes are like scars that
Will never heal
Tears I hide  
Are wetting my eyelids
They stay longer than centuries
And never seem to go away

Now I know why these words were written to me  
To read...without these feelings, I'm just a chalked out line
Wanting to write a new poem ever five seconds and 
Repeating myself in the same theme over and over again.

You committed the honorable
To get Lizzy off your monkey's back
So I left you some tea
And you came back for a drink

                                                
(About a "butler" who faked the honorable)

My heart is beating
Pumping in your blood
Cut me open
Enter me

Let's listen
To Disturbed
Together
While exchanging
Another Way To Lie between
Each other

I think I'm right
For, I have told the truth
From many years ago
I keep these old maps
Because I want to 
Remember the things
I forget so
Easily
Maybe I'm right

This dull blue razor by my side
Is nothing compared to the broken glass                            
That hides beneath these red eyes

I <3 u
I <3 u so
I <3 u so so much

My cruel intentions were to break us up
But I think to be honest
It sounds more like a duck

Slit open my lips
(Just can't erase)
Soak up the blood
(Just won't erase)
Burn the kiss twice
(Make me feel this erase)

You've made me look like a complete idiot around my exes
More than I ever have  
The first time got me laughing and feeling sorry for your future with them

I can't handle this
It's definitely not a turn on
I pull down my tight pink *******    
Sliding them off and tossing them aside
Noticing something happening between my thighs  
Catching me by surprise
I thought it was tommorrow
I clench my fist and scream inside
Stepping into the shower and sitting down in the water




**** it        
I knew I shouldn't have worn those

When the wolf opens his mouth
I will be gone
A journey to the stars
And some worlds to change

Don't follow me          
Just go away
Walking
To run

Leave me behind
After I stop waiting for you

There's been many things I've written
That I'm not exactly sure of
Texts that I've sent
That I was in doubt of
Things I've said 
Just because
Ways I've felt about what you said, repeating itself over and over,    
That just right
~

Waking up at 1:30 in the afternoon
I'm really not awake yet...

I'm okay...
Really    
It was kinda ...  
A slight scratch
A shaving incident    
And definitely not on purpose    
                                          
That would be the most truthful story I could tell
If my entire body
Was not covered all over with...
All these mysterious scratches
Shaving incidents            
And things which happened by coincidence from what I can tell

I should have talked about you more
I should not have cried
and said goodbye
But I was only learning how
to be okay, perfect and better
How funny it sounds when you scream
I measured my trust in ice
and saved my money
for something that was never
good for me.

The cuts don't stop
They just rain down my skin
Close your minds to what I'm saying
Lock your heart
****** hands, go numb
When the vein's slit            
The key to my perfect insanity            
Burns a wind scar throughout my heart

What moves me more,
is not your lips,
but under your eyes.

What contacts you take out,
I place back in.

I thought pichu would kiss me
Jumping up into my hands
            
I guess I held too hard
Watching you fall asleep in my arms

Know I nothing of this poem
But oh, still I love writing the name

Take my chains and I'll take yours
We'll toss these into the woods together
You'll take me as I rest in your arms like so
And you'll hold my knife close to yours when I'm shaking  
                                                        
I didn't think it would be so hard to stop  
But with my poems, I can do pretty much anything                            
Our eyes sense the magic that's hidden
We clear our minds and write again