I fell in love with you too easily.
Too easily, I hoped and prayed
and placed too much faith in something I knew,
in the back of my mind, was not there.
I placed you on a pedestal
so high and above the clouds
it was unreachable, and I loved you
from the ground on which I stood
to the stars that hung above your head.
You never looked down, you never noticed.
And I planted beanstalk upon beanstalk
to try and get to you, but they all withered and died.
I tried and tried, and still you never glanced at me.
But I loved you all the same.
I loved from a distance, the same way I loved before.
It was easy to love you, it was easy to try.
And it was easy to get hurt, and have my selfish hopes ruined.
It was also easy to stop caring,
To stop sitting at the base of the pedestal that I built.
Oh it was so easy to dismantle that pedestal.
Too easy.
It was hard, though,
seeing you on the same plane as I.
Seeing you for who you were and not what I wanted you to be.
It was hard to walk away, because I did love you,
I just didn't love you enough to stay and hope anymore.
So I did.
I walked away, and left you there,
bewildered at my antics, and still not seeing
the ruins of the pedestal, the dimming of the stars,
or the withered beanstalks that littered the ground around you.
I walked away.
But I left a piece of me with you,
and you still haven't noticed.

I wrote you a poem,
I wrote you into a poem,
I wrapped your name around every letter,
And engraved my heart upon the title.
I inked your eyes into the bark of a pine,
And your hair I turned into raven’s wings.
Your laugh was the rain cloud-spattered blue sky,
Then I molded your touch into the petals of a rose.
On the points of the brambles that adorned the meadow floor,
I hung your wittiness,
And your mind I carved into the antlers of a stag.
Then when I made night fall upon the pages
Where I wrote the poem that was you,
I made the mystery of the dark your presence,
And let the moonbeams become your smile.
Every star in the sky was made to be a sparkle in your eyes.
I wrote the weather to be as unpredictable as you,
And I rhymed your heart into the deepest recesses of the darkest cave,
Out of sight, out of reach.
I wrote you into a poem,
Where I buried all my unsaid feelings
Below the roots of the largest pine tree,
Beneath the earth that held the verses.

It was the dead of winter,
Or as close to winter as we could get.
It was January,
The wind would bite,
And my heart was weary.
It was a new year, but the past year's beating
Had taken its toll.
My lion's heart had diminished,
It had fled along with the cold.
There were gray clouds in the sky,
Rain pounding on the windows,
Along with sleep-dreary conversations with friends,
And a fog in my heart.
There were no birds,
There was no music, no orchestra,
There was no sunbeam, no moonray,
But there you were all the same.
And i looked, i stared, i memorized.
The intense hooded eyes,
The ponytailed black hair,
The almost there biker's beard,
The unsure gait,
The intimidating presence.
Committed them to memory,
So i could write about it later, much later.
You intimidated me, made me unsure,
And i was intrigued.
Here i was in a world of gray,
And a ball of darkness passes my peripheral vision.
Of course i had to know your name,
Of course i had to talk to you.
And i thought i'd be done after that.
I was awakened.
And my courage returned, albeit reluctantly.
Then we talked, and talked about fate,
About the present, the future, never the past.
I liked it that way.
How impersonal, yet intimate it was.
It was the most fun i'd had in a while,
You were the sun, the moon, the stars or
The deep darkness of space
Beneath the fading gray clouds,
I Never did find out.
After the weary heartwrenching wars,
You were the decision.
Whether i won or lost,
I barely cared, all i knew,
Was that you were the end.
And it was all that mattered.
I ended.
I ended with the thought of you,
Two conversations with you,
A smile, a wave, a "goodbye, and good luck, friend".
It was all i ever wanted, and all i ever feared.
And it was glorious.

Sometimes, in the mornings, when I see the light,

I think of you, as a lover often might.

But I get up and realize you absence,

Not just your missing presence,

And the lonesomeness I feel is deep-rooted,

Always reminding me, that whatever love I feel is one-sided.

The miles between us, not only physical,

But the miles between our emotions keep me feeling cynical.

Our hearts as far apart as Paris and South Africa,

Your treatment of my adoration as cold as Antarctica.

But I still harbor a hope of change,

Maybe one last miracle, one last conversation.

But I grow weary and you grow farther away,

And I lose hope for that one fateful day

When you might comeback, see me again,

Miracles might happen, and my heart will mend.

*Camz

You close the blinds on your window,
You turn away and watch, as the shadow of the day
Engulfs what was left of what you threw away.
Last chances, given and wasted,
Lie tattered and worn upon the floor.
You suffocate as the pain makes you forget
Whatever was left worth fighting for.
Your thoughts break the spirit of your soul
As you recall the sweetest goodbye ever given,
And the silence in the emptiness you once called a heart
Deafens and threatens to defeat your pretenses.
You look for solace in the ashes of a flame,
You look for warmth in the house of a home.
The dogs are barking at a new moon,
The cats are whistling a new tune,
Then you say, “Goodbye was the only way”,
And tell yourself all good things come to an end.
You say it would be good to go away,
But if nothing is left to make things change,
If there is nothing left to do but stay the same,
If promises made are made to be broken
Then it’s the same for you,
So you’ll just stay.

*Camz