It is hard to forgive sometimes
and I now understand that statement
to it's full potential because of you
and I know that
one day I will forgive you
I do not know when that day will be
but I promise, one day
I will forgive you
for it **all

I forgive your lies.
Although I'm saddened that I had to see past your disguise.
I forgive your selfishness.
I forgive all of your negligence.
I forgive all the times you made me cry.
I forgive all the times you hurt me deep inside.
I forgive you and I don't want to.
But I still forgive you and all of your ignorance.
So I can move on with my life in bliss.

Maybe I'm not around
quite as often as I used to.
Maybe I don't post threads
quite as often as I used to.
Little things I should have said and done
I just keep to myself now.

You are always on my mind.
Maybe I didn't tell you
all those many, many times
but I often thought of you
hoping you would be fine
only wanting for you the best
as I know you need to rest.

You are always on my mind.
Tell me, tell me what you're doing with your time.
Give me, give me one more little sign
to keep me satisfied, satisfied.
Little things I can imagine in my mind
how you're killing your time.

You are always on my mind.
Maybe I'm not around
quite as often as I used to.
Maybe I don't post threads
quite as often as I used to.
Little things I should have said and done
I just keep to myself now.
And I guess I never told you
I'm so happy that I know you.
Maybe I didn't tell you
quite as often as I should have.

I suppose
I feel
that it is possible for soulmates
to feel each other's sadness
if so
then I want to cut the thread between us
so my soulmate won't feel mine
but I don't want to cut it either
because I would want to feel theirs
and lighten it with them

But I guess that
there is always certain sacrifice
we have to make
to find our other halves
to complete ourselves

I once was a girl
Who was young and innocent and carefree  
But something changed within me
And the world turned against me
Ambivalence and dissonance now engulf me,
Creating something of anxiety inside me
I'm drowning in the depression sea
The life inside of me wanting to flee
I'm being attacked by something unseen
The pain and misery I feel
Is something so surreal
But I'm bound to these feelings
I'm anchored to the bottom of the sea
The demons inside me bury me deep...
What have I become?

Losing someone,
Is not a one time thing.
You lose them everyday,
Slowly and slowly,
You feel a part of yours missing everyday.
You lose someone,
When you bury your hopes,
When you stop fighting,
When you lose the urge to make things work out,
Despite the intensity of your feelings.
You may be losing them,
Everyday every moment,
But they are never lost.
They always exist within you,
Somewhere, somehow.

This is where I grew up broken
And I still am
I'm trying to find my missing pieces

This is where I fell apart
I'm still not together
I'm searching for a way to snap things into place

Understanding is out of my reach
I walk with limited sight
Hoping that the next thing I stumble upon
Will be an answer
Will help me move forward

Feeling disconnected,
from the ones who surround you each day, is sadder and scarier than being lost in the darkest of caves.

I look one way only to be turned away,
someone else is more important right now.
I search for comfort from others
who I've grown close to with time.

It's not the same.

It all becomes a very depressing pattern,
what happens over the time it takes
for you to become, locked out.
Until only special people can help.