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Vallery Dec 2020
some people call love a game,
and it's not a game,
its a war...
a war between the hatred for me
and my undying love for you,
but succumbing to the enemy is a ruse
and this new life Ive found without you
is decent enough
without the games being played,
or the war being fought...
I simply am not strong enough to stand my ground...
I can't fall
again
down the hole
that some people call love...

I hope I don't fall
below the surface,
into the deep where the love that I tried to keep
only faltered beneath the weight of my own imperfections...
we lost that connection,
that fire between us withered
like my soul will do
if I fall down that hole
that some people call love...

I hope I don't fall
over the edge,
where the waters crash below,
and the fire glows,
and the weeds grow,
and the evilness of love shows it's ugly head...
I hope I don't ******* fall
into that pit of despair
that some people call love

I hope I don't fall...
I hope I don't ******* fall...
Vallery Nov 2020
how long can I keep saying
"everything is fine, everything will be okay"
before I start to crumble,
before I finally break...
how long can I fake a smile,
how long can I fake happiness
before I start to crumble
before I fall to pieces
how long will I suffer
how long will I cry
before I end it all
before I finally die
Vallery Nov 2020
sometimes I think,
and sometimes I wonder...
could we have been in love?
could we have really loved each other?
sometimes I think,
and sometimes I dream,
of what we could have had...
of what we could have been...
and now you're gone,
and now it's too late,
and now I'm left here
to wonder, to cry, to wait...
and now you've moved on,
you don't remember me at all...
you've burned all the bridges,
you let me crumble and fall...
sometimes I think,
and sometimes I wonder...
could you have saved me?
could you have fixed me?
could you have even loved me at all?
Vallery Aug 2020
my heart has shattered
and you can't fix shattered glass
so how do you expect me to fix my shattered heart
how do you expect me to live again
how do you expect me to breathe again
my heart has shattered
how do you expect me to love again
I have nothing more to give
nothing more to share
because my heart has shattered
and you can't share shattered glass
how do you expect me to move on and find peace
when the only peace I have is a piece of my shattered and broken heart
there's no solace
my heart has shattered
and I can't pick up all the pieces
every time I try to grab a piece of my heart my hands begin to bleed
they say love hurts but I never realized just how bad it really hurts
because my heart shattered
and picking up shattered glass hurts
so how do you expect me to get a grip or fix myself
when I can't fix my shattered and broken heart
Vallery Aug 2020
I said I wouldn't cry
but I couldn't help it
the thought of being alone scares me
I said I wouldn't lie
but I couldn't help it
the thought of losing you scares me
I said I would try
but I just couldn't
the thought of failing scares me
I said I wouldn't die
and I'm sorry but
the thought of living without you scares me
Vallery Aug 2020
nights are the hardest
it's quiet
and my thoughts are loud
I'm thinking of you
I'm thinking of what I could have had
I'm thinking about everything I said wrong
everything I did to hurt you
nights are the hardest
it's quiet
and my heart is barely beating
I'm losing my happiness
rather what little happiness I had to begin with
my lungs are barely breathing
I'm losing my sanity
rather what little sanity I had to begin with
nights are the hardest
it's quiet
and my life is slowly fading
and the bottle is emptying
my light is flickering, slowly diminishing
nights are the hardest
nights are when I want to sleep and not wake up
nights are the hardest
especially since I don't have you
nights are the hardest
because tomorrow means you won't be there
nights are the ******* hardest to endure
because I'll be without you
and I can't be without you for much longer
nights are the hardest
nights are the ******* hardest to endure
but tonight is the last
tonight will end
and so will the pain
for me morning will never come
and that's okay
morning without you is not worth it
nights are the hardest
but thankfully tonight is the last
Vallery Jun 2020
time moves slow
it feels like an hour went by
but in reality
three minutes went by...
time moves so slow
what felt like yesterday
was only an hour ago...
time moves
but barely...
I don't grow
instead I shrink
because time barely moves...
and I hope
that maybe
it may stop
and so will I,
maybe
time will diminish
and so will I...
time is slow
and so is my breathing...
time is stopping
and so is my heart's beating...
time is up
the clock stopped ticking
the flame stopped flickering
my lungs stopped breathing
my mind stopped thinking...
time is up
and so is my life...
my time has come
death has arrived
coldness
darkness
happiness
finally
and time resumes
without me
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