some people hate themselves for who they are
others hate themselves for what they've done

but me, i hate every breath that i breathe
i messed up; i was so sure that he was the one

i cry myself to sleep every night
because i know that i am to blame

for breaking what we had apart
i was the one playing the game

*i slept with a guy i hardly knew
simply because he batted his pretty eyes

told me he would love me forever,
i was silly to believe those lies

when being honest means that i lose everything
its really ******* hard to actually do

but i had to tell the truth for real
and the truth baby, i think it made me lose you

As i walked the lengthy distance,
from the back row seat to the first.
I began to sense right then...
my project would be the worst.
Yet all the time i put in,
i figured I'd pass with a low B
and still as i walked that distance .
I knew it'd be a lower than a C...
listening as each person shared,
Their truly real short story...
i fidgeted and wiggled..
and really started to worry.
The teacher said to write
what came to mind.
Like childhood or family...
to make it one of a kind.
And yet somehow my mind still wandered
to a place still unknown...
i wrote about a womans death...
And how death had claimed the throne.
In English class i shared that project
in the front of that small space...
i read each word that i had typed,
not a syllable out of place.
When i was done my head was low,
i refused to meet their stare.
I sauntered back quietly
To my lonely back row chair.
It was then i saw my teacher smile
and simply nod his head,
it seems that my project was viewed
As a painful loss of the dead.
Little do they know,
i did not relate...
that story that i wrote...
was simply notes by my dinner plate...

I guess I figured the more I wrote about it,
the less I actually had to deal with it.

and if I covered up those red lines,
they would somehow disappear.

because to some, acting is a lifestyle,
but living just an option.

and i choose to live, to dance, to shout!
i wont be held back by depression anymore.

Why is it that I'm crying for you
When you told me to burn in hell?
Why must I stay calm and collected
When in my face you continue to yell?
Why is it that I'm to blame for this
When you are the one who invaded my home?
Why am I the one who is conceited
When you seem to think you're on a throne?

*It's one thing to hurt me you lying rotten *****.
But to hurt my father, my sister, my brothers.
You better watch your back....
Because I'm done being passive.

Truthfully; I do not see
What you see in me

I mean i guess i don't understand
Why out of all the girls, you want to hold my hand

You say my eyes are captivating
And my smile intoxicating

My eyes are just dark brown
And.. my "smile" is typically a frown

You say I'm beautiful, it's a lie
Cause you still say it, even when i cry

When you look at me though
It's like you read my mind and you know

You know me better than i know me
So please tell me what you see

Im a little too curvy, a little too short
a ***** sense of humor, when i laugh i snort

My hips are wide, i dont like crowds
My thighs are big, im way too loud

My heart in tatters, emotions worn
Broken promises that were sworn

Family problems, psychotic things
Scared of marriage, and diamond rings

So what exactly is it that you see
In loud, short, broken me

it was over the fence that we met
and over the fence we kissed
till it was your lips and your face
that i constantly missed

you stole my heart away from me
you took it and you ran
far away from all the trouble
i thank you for who i am

i love you more than sunshine
i love you more than rain
through every day and every night
my love will stay the same

taking my soul on new adventures
to learn to live and to love
you are my happy ending
you were truly sent from above

my angel, my darling..
my sweet sweet boy
you bring me endless laughter
you bring me endless joy

i love you till my heart stops
i’ll love you to the end
as long as you love me also
and always be my best friend

i am in love i do believe
yet common sense
you can't perceive
i see that smile
it draws me close
medicate me
increase the dose
is it fiction
or is it fate
please close the doors
and lock the gate
am i dreaming
or is this real
all these emotions
i do not wish to feel
please numb the pain
and let me sleep
these dreams i dream
i want to keep
alcohol
the bitter ***
all i knew
has come undone
drink it in
or pour it out
all this "love"
i start doubt
is he my hero
or is he death
my sweet encounter
or my last breath
does he love me
or am i to blame
for letting him go
i                                        
never               ­             
knew                
his          
name