I'm in love I must confess,
my love for you I cannot stress
they all tell me you're not the best
but in my mind you'll never be less
because I'm in love as I confessed.

but now I'm love bound
sooner or later I'll hit the ground
we watch as the stars above go 'round
this love is something new we've found
cause now he and I are love bound.

I'm nothing like you.
he has done things I never thought I'd do
you lied to me, but I remained true.
you broke my heart, I broke a few
well... it turns out I am like you.

my mind so full of hate
we met cause it was fate
but although what we had was great
I never planned on heart break
so now my broken heart is now full of hate.

If i could end it all today i would
If I knew no one would notice
I'd keep cutting if he hadn't found me out
If you knew no one would care,

                              would you keep breathing?

If you heard the whispers
And could feel the stares
And the insults... seem to choke all hope
If you were told no one would care,

                               would you keep breathing?

If it were a choice
Between your life and his happiness
What would choose
If your death was his peace,

                               would you keep breathing?

If death were your own escape
From the demons who follow
If life was torture
And death was freedom,

                             would you keep breathing?

If not breathing was an option
A simple road to choose
I'd take it..... but......
If i was gone,

                            would *you keep breathing?

is it bad that i read my own poetry and cry?
and feel sorry for the person going through the pain?
is it silly that i feel more when i read these then when i breathe?
that my emotion is only in these poems you read?

for so long i thought i needed someone to feel
that cutting was a way to actually have a reason to cry
but these poems, the more i read the more i weep
for this lost girl with so much heart break.

who is she? who am i? why am i so sad?
this is all answered in my poems,
bad break ups, parents, life... they take a toll on you
but why am i, the way i am?

I'm in the mood for cuddling
For holding hands and kissing
It seems that all this time
It was your touch i was missing

I'd ask you to hold me
But i know where that will lead
I'll fall for you once again
And you will become a need

Needing you and wanting you
Has brought me so much shame
I've avoided truth and simpleness
I refuse to play this game

Throwing out i love you's
As if you care for me
I accept it every time
Hoping you might see

i love you's
They are my heart and soul
Holding hands and kissing you
Somehow THAT makes me whole

i try so hard to be normal. to be like all the other girls. to follow your rules and guidelines. i follow every step you take, never going out of line. i fit in your puzzle when i do what you want. and THAT is all ive ever wanted. to belong somewhere, even if i have to fight for it. even if i have to do things i don't want to for you to notice me. for you to care for me like i care for you. i am dying here beside you, while you hold her. i am crying beneath you while i pave your path so you don't fall. but i am done with being a door mat. i am through with you. but its all a bit too late because you've been done with me this whole time. who was i kidding? you didn't want me. but i need you. i need you to want me. to love me. to hold me. to touch me. to smile that smile that makes me crazy. i love who we could be, but we will never know what that is.

I wish i was a doctor
To have you surgically removed
I'd stitch it up quite nicely
I shan't be bleeding
Nor will I be bruised
If i must
I'll do it limb by limb
I don't care if you don't make it
I'll i need is you off my body
I think you're a disease
Threatening to choke
I'm dying on my knees

My voice is raw
My heart in tatters

                     Yet when I'm hurting
                      It never matters
                                                      
  ­                                               I guess i struck out
                                                 No more useless batters

Mother?
More like child

                     She "raised us well"
                     But we're still wild

                                                 We're not normal
                                                 We aren't mild

She blames me
But, nothing I've done

                    I'm just a ***** up
                    I've never won

                                               Lord please once
                                               Let me be the favored one

i simply fear death
i do not fear the pain
simply, but also so completely
because ive always wanted death
ive dreamt my end many times
in fact too many to admit
i long for the pain
the throbbing and ache
the hollowness in my soul
i long to be missed
to be cried over

i simply fear death
i do not fear the loss
completely, but how is that simple?
i fear that final breathe
i fear it will be heavy
the air may suffocate
or it may bring revival
i fear death
i fear a death alone
what i fear most
is their acceptance
not caring i am gone

i simply fear death
because no one will notice
my heart would stop
but the world will turn
no one will hurt
or notice my absence
death frightens me
only because i see
my death, my end
i will be utterly alone
like i always have been

Deep inside me
There is this anger
This hatred
This..  bitterness.

And I feel it towards everyone.
Not just those who hurt me
The ones who betrayed me.

No this bitterness...
Is for all.
Trust no one
Love no one
Believe in nothing

But then...
I saw a change

A change in myself...

I was dying inside
Because deep down
This hatred was of

The person I am.

No one can help me.


No one can save me now

Because I hate who I've become


And I fear I always will

I swear I did not try to do this
I didn’t mean to rekindle this flame
As the low burning is humming
I softly whisper your name
The bigger the fire grows
more emotion I seem to feel
and the louder the begging becomes
at your feet I kneel.

IT STARTED AS A SIMPLE SPARK
NOTHING TO GREAT OR TO BRIGHT
AND GREW INTO A ROARING FIRE
THAT ILLUMINATED THE WHOLE NIGHT
I DIDN'T KNOW A FIRE COULD CAUSE SO MUCH JOY
OR THAT I WOULD EVER FEEL THIS WAY
SO I LONG ONLY FOR THE EVENING DARK
TO TRULY WITNESS THE BRIGHTNESS OF THE DAY

I can't help but think, maybe, if I was better.. you would stay. If i was prettier then maybe you would want me. Or maybe, just maybe, if I was smarter, or funnier, or talked less, laughed more like I actually cared. Maybe, if I wasn't me... you would finally love me.

I found this in my journal today from a few weeks back.
And reading nearly gave me a heart attack.
How could I so easily forget we're done?
When you, my love, were my only one.

Boys & girls please, don't let someone rule your life.. in your life you'll be forced to change.. by people, circumstance.. environment.. but please, if you're going to let a person change you... remember.. if they fell in love with you and then change you... they won't love you anymore.

I've learned my lesson.

thank you for trying to save me
its really so sweet of you to do
but how are you going to save me
if you cannot even save you

I fell for you like a falling star
flew past you and you missed it
I was bright for that moment
I shone bright for a little bit

I am not a smoker
I only light up on a bad day
when everything is wrong
and nothing is going my way

I am not a smoker
I light up when things are good
when I'm happy and carefree
things going the way they should

I am not a smoker
I light up when the day is long
when I'm worn and weary
and tired of being strong

We made an agreement
One we couldn't break
A promise to last a lifetime
Our relationship at stake.

You didn't read the terms and conditions
Backed out before the contract was through
****** me over again and again
But I guess the blame wasn't on you?

the day we met I knew
she was the girl to hate
she was cute and she was funny
and made me look less great

she was short and charming
she was utterly cool
that was when I decided
to hate the new girl at school

I know it sounds silly
to judge a book by its cover
but I couldn't just be one upped
by this girl I just discovered

so it was then when I gained an enemy
the girl I didn't like
and yet I ran out of reasons
and never wanted to fight

then one day that girl and I
somehow got paired up in class
we got to talking
and that time went so fast

im still not sure how it happened
but the girl I decided to hate
became my best friend
and im certain it was fate

and now she and I are inseparable
I cannot live without her face
she makes me laugh instead of cry
it was obviously God's grace

miss Roberts is what ill call her here
miss Roberts she will remain
she is my best friend
and I will never forget her name.

little does that girl know
she has saved my life
I was so close to giving up
and she gave me a reason to fight

I love her to the death of me
I love her to the end
im thankful for her everyday
im so glad she's my best friend.

when everything was going well
and I didn't feel like ****
you somehow turned my life to hell
and walked right out of it

you made me want to trust you
you just had to make me care
you told me lies, I told a few
but you left, that's not fair

just because my brokenness
isn't on my skin
doesn't mean that nothing's wrong
it doesn't mean I win

I see myself everyday
and wonder who I'll be
reflections, decisions, perceptions
what do people see

you read in books that people change
but really who's to say
I have always been the way I am
there is no other way

Who am I trying to fool?
We all know I still love you.
Why can't I just admit I ******* up?
I guess for me that'd be new.
How long will I feel this pain?
I miss who we were together.
What did I do this for?
I swear, I thought we had forever.
When will this sorrow reside?
I think it will continue to haunt me.
Is there anything I can do to fix it?
I doubt it, cause now you're free.
Did you know I loved you?
I guess maybe you couldn't really tell.
Don't you remember what we had?
I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to yell.

There is beauty in desire a bit of joy in false hope
happiness is strung like a rope around your throat
there is no light within this life
there is no cheer in pain and strife.

I see no point in smiling
when all were doing is filing
the pain we've suffered this day
and how we cannot forget yesterday

there is no happy ending, unless
we somehow find a way to address
that we aren't fulfilled by want and desire
and we truly deserve the fire.

I know I always say you fell for me
But I know it was me that fell
And it was you who held my hand
But you only helped me back up
To let me fall again and again

I can tell that things have changed
no longer flirting and "i love you's"
now i feel like we're acquaintances
And all the silly promises, will never come true.

I'm not sure what changed
It feels like we miles apart
I gave you everything i had
I even gave my fragile heart

Please tell me what happened
Cause it's a mystery to me
We were so good together,
Maybe you just needed to be free.

Baby what happened to us
Where is the love we shared
Why such bitterness?
I thought you really cared.

Please, I'm begging
Love me again and stay
I promise you I'll behave
You can have it your way.

it was never what they did to me that hurt the most
the way they used my heart, my soul, my body
no, it was that when they got their fill they left
and what hurt the most was i knew they were going to

                                                             ­                                         and i let them

i guess a part of me hoped one of them would stay
a part of me hoped i was loveable, and not a toy
but that's all i ever was, and all ill ever be
they were never going to care, only use and steal

                                                          ­                                  continuously break me

there is never going to be a real guy
who will want to settle down with me and love me
because i want to be used and broken and torn
its who ive become because they made me this way

                                                            ­                  *loneliness always engulfing

sometimes tears speak louder than any word you could ever say,
and sometimes scars help you see the pain that others have felt
some love can tear you wide open
and some hatred can make you stronger than you ever were before

Here I am contemplating life and death because
I often write poems that are sad
They come from my anger, my hatred, my pain...
But often enough, good things come from the bad

I write of my miserable existence
And of how I long to be held in your embrace
Of what lies ahead and what was left behind
I write about how many things are usually replaced

My poetry is brewed, so to speak I suppose
In this head of mine, where i think and ponder
Where I lust and desire and want and wish
And where to thoughts of you I tend to wander

So here I am, still writing of the sorrow
Hoping somehow these words will change your mind
I am writing a poem that isn't sad, to simply prove
I may not be normal, but I'm the normalest you'll find

IS LONELINESS SIMILAR TO LOVELINESS?

As slowly as the day turns to night,
i know that falling slowly for you was right.
Because little do you know that it's always been you. The one and only.. i want to remain true to..
as quickly as the rivers rage,
and as quickly as I turn each new page
in our story were still writing,
i know that in time we will see the silver lining
and see that all this time we've waited
was worth each moment anticipated..
because i know my love for you is real
and i will never lose that zeal.
As each hour passes and each day goes by.
I find new reasons to love you
and things that make me dread goodbye.
So never make me say that, don't ever make me go... cause then we would never have forever and always... we would never know..
what the future holds and dreams to share..

never forget.  I love you and i care.

Sadly I'm good at faking it
Yes all the times we kissed
I giggled and I blushed
And you continued to persist

You kissed my cheek
My lips, my neck
I cried for sympathy
But I'm no train wreck

You held my hand
You held me close
I didn’t mean to lie
But truth never shows

I faked every moment
I'm not sorry that I lied
Cause in the end I fell for you
And I'm the one that cried.

its strange how you shut me out
its baffling how you won't let me care
its aggravating that you're amazing
and you refuse to see the perfection there

its odd that you're so closed off
its weird that you don't even see
its frustrating that I fell for you
and you refuse to accept love from me

I don't understand how you can't see it
I don't know why you diminish your soul
I don't see why you push me so far away
and you refuse to realize you make me whole

baby you've got to stop believing the lies that you aren't enough
how many times do I have to tell you you're my everything?
day in and day out I'll you how much you are loved
how my heart without you is nothing

i think it was on accident, but really who's to say?
you hand grazed my bare skin and its driving me mad
it somehow left me wanting you for the first time
ive never thought of you like this, is that bad?