Do I want to know,
the things you think
and the things you say about me?

                do you ever miss me,
                            or do you not even care?

Do I want to know,
if you hate me
or if you even like me?

                have you ever wanted me,
                            or was I nothing to you?

Do I want to know,
the thoughts you think
in bed at night?

                are they dark and painful
                           or do you rest peacefully?

Do I want to know,
what is going on
in that mind of yours?

                that complicated,
                            beautiful,
                                mind of yours?
          

                                              ­          j.z.

At age six,
she was scared of the the monsters under her bed.

At age ten,
she was scared that she wouldn't fit in.

At age fourteen,
she was scared of the monsters in her head.

At age sixteen,
she was scared that the boy she “loved” didn’t love her back.

At age eighteen,
she was scared that she wouldn't get into college.

At age twenty-two,
she was scared that she couldn't pay her bills.

And at age twenty-six,
she was scared that she had finally grown up.


                                                               j.z.

If I don't make you laugh on your worse days if I'm not the one that
you go to when you don't want to speak to another human being
if I don't put a smile on your face
just by you listening to my voice
If I don't make your heart skip a beat
when I say I love you
leave me
If I'm not on your mind 24/7
maybe even less
(so it can be an exception)
and if my name is not on your school notebooks with hearts on it
(maybe my name in a light grey)
leave me
run away from me
far, far away
if the thought of you not wanting to speak to me again crosses your path
on days you hate me
leave me
if I don't make you squirm in happiness
even if it's just by the simple word
of hello
and make you the saddest when i say
the simple words of just good bye
leave me
just please leave me
just please do so
because you deserve better and
there is someone out there
who will make you feel
the way I wish I could make you feel

so leave me

j.f

I wish to go back to the day-
When we first met.
It was the day I let my guard down,
And I let you into my mind.
That was my first mistake.
One I will never make again.
Trust nobody,
I should've thought
To let me know to turn around.

Because maybe then,
I thought you were a friend.
But you were just the beginning to an end.