I'll plant a seed
This is the turning of new leaf's
I won't sink into the ground again
Drowning in wet soil
I'll remain
Following the vine deep down to the roots
Cast aside
The earth
That covered these open wounds
Burried so long
In far too familiar
Unmarked tombs
Plant a new seed as soon as you need
It's never too later to start again

I woke early today
I finally opened my window
Pulled apart the curtains that hung so perfectly
Better than I ever could
Take a deep breath
And let some air in
I saw the light I've been craving
Since summer left
Me suffocating
By default
You became my stepping stone
To get me closer to the sun
Just sit back and watch me grow
No longer will I wilt under your overbearing knock off glow

Lay awake
Watch the birth of a new day
It's been ages since I slept right through the night
It's almost like the days have become better than the dreams my head creates
The grass has become greener on the other side
Sleep deprived
But my eyes have never been opened so wide
Creep inside my head
Experience what it's like spending years fighting with yourself
Just to get out of bed
Trapped inside walls built so hign
Lego brick ***** traps stationed like mines
But it's fine
I've decided to make my days better than my nights
I've gained the sight to see I'd rather live in a daydream

I don't believe in heaven
But we've got one chance before death
To create our own

I try to create motivation and inspiration with the words I put in lines
Referencing bands in my work
That have helped me through hard times
Hoping one day I can give back
Has they've given to me
A memorial of sorts
Everytime you read my thoughts
Listen to the records I adored and try work me out

What if I can't look again?
Without disliking the words I say
I'm a manic
And the words in my head never truely translate
I wanna be a artist and create
Banish all forms of hate
That self deprecate
I wanna be happy and smile
But I can wait for a while
I'm impatient
But not like before
6am to see if Santa's called
Is this even good I question it all
But I've realised to move forward I have to scale every wall with due course.

My redemption started
as I opened my eyes to the new morning sun shine
My eye lashes looked like forrest fires
If I squinted hard enough
As orbs of light danced from the corner of my eyes
Deep breaths and morning sigh's
Captured far too overwhelming familiar smells of home
I realised the days where getting brighter
And I no longer needed the light I hung onto so tightly
The weather was so often used as an excuse to not get out of bed
But then again I'm still sat at my window trying to find the motivation to do it all again

Your mourning was so loud
It woke death himself
Bargaining yourself ten minutes of life to say your final goodbyes
With tears in your eyes
You said I loved you so much
Crossing out the fights from the nights you wasted time
I wish I'd have told you when you was alive
It's sad I only got to tell you from the other side.

Give me something from your nothing
It's worth more to me than gold

It's hard to sell myself
When I can't even sell myself to me
Made in god's image
Bet he didn't get very far in art
I'm a mirror but frankly I can't stand the sight
Not broken by bad luck
Just bent by knuckles coated in glass
Guess I need to practice what I preach
I'll wait at the steeple
Till I find a justifiable reason for this internal beating
I can't smell the roses anymore
My thorns are deep under my skin
And the tainted glassers only focus on negatives
Can I ever win?
Imagine a movie where the good  and bad guy are one and the same
Going round and round forever in vain
Self harm doesn't always reach the surface
I wish hope was as easy as some songs make out
Stop wishing, waiting
On a shooting star
Stop wishing, waiting
On a man in the stars
Did those birthday candles get you far?

I breath in your scent every morning when I wake
So I'll isolate myself in this room so what I have left of you doesn't escape
Like the clothing you carried out in bags
Til death do us part
The words your once muttered in a dream I once had
I'll put a picture of you on the roof of my bunk
Mimick you with a pillow
Cove it in love
I'd video tape killing myself for a moment for your time
Or maybe even three
Because I'll only give up when my lungs give out
And my heart gives in
Because you don't leave as easy as you walked out.

I live for a summers dream
As I fall like leaf's in winter
Dancing to the ground ashamed
Of the days I wasted and the warmth I failed to cease

I play the drums when the neighbours are gone
Because my bedroom walls are paper thin
We live arm to arm
But not hand in hand
And I don't want them drumming back
When my note pads full and my wallets empty
And I've used all the plain sides of all my mother's letters
If I draw on the walls
Do you think she'll mind?
Do you reckon it'll add value?
If she literally takes my life
Call me Vincent
Van Gogh for short
Notorious after I'm gone
Art's a risk I'll after take

Love once sacred
Taken from my heart
And betrayed
Stabed several times in the back
And left to bleed

I worry when I'm drowning
In sentences
Trying to force them into lines
Where they don't fit
Always kicking in panic
Casting them aside  
But always Hoping for a safe return  
So I can throw them together
And create something

You've got the weight of the world on your shoulders
So half it on my back
We'll take the world together

I hate writing
I confess
I detest words on paper
They never convey what I'm truly trying to say
So I've decided to keep on writing
Because I love the feelings my mind brings
It sometimes hits home and stings
But I guess my love and hate have to collaborate
I confess this doesn't make much sense
But make a story in your head
Take what you want from this

I haven't lived since you've been gone
I've been living like a ghost for far too long
This haunting is all wrong
When it's happening in reverse
My head's cursed
I've been loosing sleep from the sound of creaking floors
Right outside my bedroom door
And photos falling once hung from walls
Now I spend my days staring up at empty ceilings
Where My only friend is the streak of paint where the lights used be
Before we revamped the place we believed we'd never leave
I'm used to loosing light and the sight needed to grow
But what I know
I've never been scared of the dark

Marching in rhythm to corporate rhyme
Waiting in lines
While the fire inside is dowsed
Burning holes in your pockets right in front of your eyes
Brainwashed by punk
That's got the wrong name on the packet
Companies making money off rage they've tamed
Worshiping a group who haven't been the same since they tasted fame  
I hope it's as sweet as being spoon fed
Scared to take a risk
Because that doesn't sell

You're the summers heat
Beaming down on me
The sound of autumn's leafs
Crunching under feet
you're spring the death of winters cold touch
You're the harvest coming in to add nutrition to my growth
You're as sharp as the winter breeze
And I'll do what I can to be in season
If it doesn't go to plan
And the weather changes
We'll be hand in hand
Because is it love
If it's not unpredictable like the English weather

Play victim
Make me lose my head
And say something I'll regret
You know you're in the wrong
So focus on the former
And don't let the latter kick in
Anything but the matter
Ignoring all the questions
So you can play blind to the facts
Hide behind your mask
Created from turning your back
I'll hide behind mine
Created by doubt and always bringing up the past
I wish I could scream and shout like you

Making Smiley faces with tattoo ink and safety pins
Putting childhood fridge drawn art on wasted skin
Finger paints and pasta shells were not artists but I'm sure we can't mess this one up, lines and dots wonky smiles and tired eyes
The face your parents make don't look so bad compared to there youthful mistakes
Sentenced to hard time
Full sleeves before nap time
Tattooed tears down your face cursing the ones who left you in this place

Death is just eternal darkness, so I guess I'll stick around finding the light in the darkness however unoften it may come around

The only clear reward for the starvation I had gifted
Was a body I'd grow to hate
Somehow more than I did before
There's more obstacles returning to your former self
Than there ever was leaving

They say you don't know what you've got until it's gone
And I hate when you say I didn't care
Because it cuts like a knife
Knowing in life
The right words where never there

I've got a house  
Full of broken parts
And the lights don't work
So we'll sit in the dark
Build a tower to find a signal
for this old TV
But believe me
this is the happiest I've ever been
Cuddle up on the sofa
That's older
Than the years I've had
I'll open the door to the delivery man
Feel the cold winter air through my spooky pajama pants
I'll bring the covers down
Feel your cold hands upon my knee
But believe me
this is the warmest I've ever been

Waiting patiently
For things to get better
Waiting implies standing still but you've got to keep moving to get what you need
Leaving dream catchers out
Falsely believing they'll answer your prayers
But all my believes are solely in myself
Don't wait around for a stroke of luck
Or maybe two magpies to grace your eye line
Stay up late one night
Watch the sunset die
capture those dreams with your own two hands

A line of emotion
Ended with a full stop
Ready for a picturesque funurel
Upon these pages

I've called myself young and stupid
But that excuse is kinda ageing

I've been writing up verses
And trying to converse with the devil in my head
Because even the simplest words don't look right when you're around

Of all the words I struggle to say
There was only three
Where I went all in
And risked it all
They found refuge
In my cheek
So I stumble when I speak
But they couldn't resist
When you moved In for a kiss
The words got cancelled out
When they eventually fell from my mouth
By the redness in my cheeks
And my heartbeat
My chest became a pillow once again  

I hope you find comfort in my jumpers
When I can't be there.

If there's no love left in this world
I'll give my life giving it Away

I've been chasing summer
Ever since you came into my life
Because something bloomed in those record breaking hot nights
All those lollies consumed in a  
Sweltering room
But you could never cool down  
Because I'd never let go of your hand
You'll miss it soon
When the winter comes

I woke from a nightmare
To the sun laying next to me in the middle of the night
And your warmth gentaly rocked me back to sleep
You became a new sun when my head convinced me my world had ended

Looking through my window
Waiting for a change in weather
The chipped paint reminds me of worse days
And a disconnection from the things I used to know
Like a fly on the window
Curious
With freedom in plain sight
Shorts and long Sock season
The sun's rays beaming
Blasting Skrwd as our mutual summer time theme tune
Such irony
Because now the weather's changed I won't settle for room temperature again
I feel a growth in my bones
I'm not waiting
I'm not waiting anymore
I'm just taking
Taking whatevers thrown
The cold doesn't effect me like it used too
My teeth don't chatter from fear of being alone
If summers the place to be
Let's make it a permanent state of mind I'll try find warmth in the greyest of skies.

The distance from my side of the bed used to be too far
But now we're sleeping separately miles apart
Fall to sleep to the smell of detergent
Rather than my scent upon your sheets
I know we both did wrong
But I wish the best for you now.

sat with hands clenched
Praying ghost will haunt these halls
Hoping that my door will creak open or maybe you'll even call and my chest will once again  become a pillow for your head
Did you find the  words at the bottom of a bottle
Or from the pile you left on the floor
Let's play a game of Scrabble so you can try string together a word that means anything at all
I'm not one for childish games
But I've grown up with people drinking far too much
Liquid courage always helped
Ignite the words they'd never of said
Take a shot or maybe even two
A small reminder of all the bullets I took for you
I left you a note on the table on the back of a wine bottle label
Which tells you why I'm unable to be here when you wake

I walked all the way from the other room
To show my motivation isn't breaking
With words you need to consume
Promise to regurgitate and keep passing them on
Remember there's never a step too small
When you feel anchored down
And trapped behind walls
The use of "all the way" makes it seem like miles
The truth is
It was only a few feet of tiles
This rooms got better connection
And this is the only time I don't struggle to connect

My cupboards full of treats
I wish I could just eat
Instead of planing my life around
Stock piled up like the world is ending
But I'm scared of venturing out of my comfort zone
Leaving the bunker my mind's created
Incase I gain too much weight or loose my ****** shape
Ruled by a number on a packet
Pushed down my a disorder in my head.

Anchored down by feelings
I just can't let out
Always making wrong decisions
Decisive at the worst times
I've been pulled so ******* deep now
I can't even see the light
Stuck in some kind of limbo
Because I refuse to die

I watch your razor blade float across the water
With the scissors resting on the faucet
But the only thing that cuts deep
Are the thoughts in my head that never leave
I lay dorment til the water gets cold, sometimes fall asleep because I normally don't
Some of my best works have been scribbled down on wet sheets
I used to try wash everything away
Wishing it went down the drain like water
But now all I need is a pen and a few sheets
And I'll feel cleansed again

I've met the demon that's lurking behind your smile
With his mighty straw as long as the length of time
Ready to **** your emotions right back from the corner of your eyes
He'll Keep it bottled up so he can drink til he's drunk
And fill that hole that's been so long vacant of love
I always got told two negatives don't make a right
But If a positive collides
Is it possible to negotiate with both sides
And shine some light
On the darkness the negative feels inside
I've had practice controlling mine
Now the angel on my shoulder is the keeper of peace of mind
Maybe our horns and wings can make a right

Imagine being blind
And someone comes along into your life and fills all the categories you've been lacking
For you to one day gain the miracle of sight
And no longer love that person
Because what you see with your eyes
A  mere reflection of light
Blinded from what's on the inside

I keep falling through the cracks in the pavement
I broke my back laying for you
I know the toxicity of this relationship corroded the foundations
Confined to a room of emotions
We only wanted to escape
I'll take my portion of the blame
But the other half never gets claimed
If anyone asks I'll tell them we're friends
I've got no blood on my hands
Because I've got no hate in my heart
But I caught you red handed cursing my name

I'm tall enough now for my head to meet head to head with the shower
I'm only hundred and ten pounds and the tale of the tapes against me
I know you haven't noticed
But my feet hang out the bunk beds at your house
Seasons have come and gone since I stayed the weekend
but I've pushed through the weeks learned to use this swing without you
I believe in photosynthesis, self growth and the strength to overcome myself
I'm not rooted down
The ground around me is mine to take
I know it's hard from a neutral point of view
But I don't struggle
To see the ground  I've made up
Small steps mean everything
When the stickers behind your door are stuck with blu-tac in fear you'll fail to stick
It's good to know the only thing that haunts me in the night is a poster falling.

Soon is the time
We'll have to say our final goodbyes
Just another mear chapter in life
But I've written down and memorised mortal moments we shared
Immortalised and sealed
To be posted down the line
I know you never got to greet with smiles
But my sister, Your granddaughter
Is expecting her first child
Soon is the time
I'll have to say my first hello
Just another mear sign of time passing by

Everytime I picked up a pen I felt progress
And everytime it touched paper the weight of my world had been lifted
Always drawn back to the top of my snare drum
Where I wrote most of my art
Resting on a A4 note pad, trying to figure out the best way to express both my head and my heart
They've always been so far apart
Tuned to different frequencies
But I'll try my best to broadcast both parts

If all the emotions and feelings I create
Can be represented by colours
When all the paint
Runs away from this A4 slate
I should be left with Gold
Because my mind has been set
And I don't plan to settle for anything less

I want to make a difference
Change the system
Open up new doors an see flaws
And receive assistance
To open up your eyes and realise everyone's different
Held down by persistence
Searching for a myth of perfection that isn't in existence

I don't have the guts to make cuts
So I bleed on paper
But these days it never seems enough
Because a plea for help
Never gets a second look laying in these old dusty books