The teeth inside my head
Swollowed
And overdosed on doubt
Clamping my jaw shut
The only thing that poured out
Was oxygen
Escaping my lungs
Adding fuel
To a already bitter furnace
Inflating a over indulged balloon
Ready to expload

I spoke until my throat was sore
Because the list of things I adored about you contained far too many Rs and Ls
My lisp stopped the smooth delivery I'd pictured in my head
Now choking in fear
The stumble shook my confidence  
Like a school boy giving a presentation in front of class
I waited patiently to be graded
Hoping your response was the one I wanted
I didn't want to get into a prestigious school
I just wanted to be with some one has prestigious as you

I have the same wish for you
As I do the snow
That you won't settle
And you'll go
Exactly where your heart yearns
That place that feels closest to home
Melt through the surface
Right to the core
And find that inner warmth
Hot fire's and Coco galore

Passing time with talks of red wine
But I don't even drink!
You won't even take this as a metaphor
Guess that's just another reason why
Your words find a home in my mind
Labels, types, grapes and vines
Time fly's in your presence like a child in awe of a war time story
It's not like I care about a single word but I'm a connoisseur I hang on every verse you've ever spoken
I love the gestures you make
Your hands dance you stumble your words you go red faced
I'm sick of writing songs about the downsides
Writing songs about sad boys with broken hearts
Red wines good for that it can ease the pain, cover all the *** holes in your vains
But I don't even drink
I don't think the wines to blame
One day you'll catch me smiling and you'll wonder why I'll have the littlest details on my mind of time forgotten but I won't mind and the talks of labels, types, Grape's and vines

Soon it'll be easier
And the tide will pull me in
Retracting me from your shore
Wiping away memories set in sand
Every kingdom must fall even though they take so long to build
Etiquette and mannerisms lost over night
I wish I was built of sterna stuff
Because not coming back is the hardest thing I've ever known
Knowing that we keep changing our mind
Everything my hand breaches the surface
Or everytime I open my eyes wishing you where here
Scrambling for rocks and relic's and any fragment of time
But I know it's better to let These things die
Something new can be built from the ruins.

I know they say it takes a while to grow
Like the shoes they say will one day meet your toes
But whys the rest of the garden blooming
Climbing towards the sun
Smothered in its gaze
While I'm laying low in the shade living off droplets that fell from your leaf's
I'm left tracing roots back to the dirt
Like I'm defined by my past
I know you'll never left me forget the choices I made

You cried as the sunset died over sandle castle
As silhouettes glowed red in the distance
You kissed me, told me you loved me
Then we said our goodbyes
The moon was so big that night
I remember inside jokes of me saying the world is ending and if it was that big we'd be dead
If it was destined our last, I guess that would have been a perfect way to die
Caught up in fractured moon light
And ******'s of affection fleeting by
Such a picturesque setting
But now I cry every night
Knowing that it wasn't our final goodbye
Just the beginning of relationship that was fraying from distance
It took a year and half down the line for my heart to be broken
I just hope it doesn't take that long to fix.

I've got your name of a calendar full of vacant days
I swear to god they say it should get easier
Everytime the distance pulls you away
But I still get a persistent pain
Everytime the train leaves the station
And you're on your way to that place you call home
We fall asleep Evey night on the phone
But we wake alone
Hoping we can hold this relationship together
Tested by distance

I held reasons in my lungs
that needed birth, tears in a pillow case that needed to be heard
But engulfed by  medicine
That I was told would help
Things not get any worse
My emotions were dulled
Every four to eight hours
But the reason I was here
Was because I couldn't express the feelings that made me want to leave

Everytime I spoke I tried not to choke
Because I dug deep
Opening up old wounds
Using jokes as comfort to soften the blow
But nothing hit harder
Than when your lip trembled
Because I have  thoughts of ending my life sometimes

Trying to find peace living in the present
Rather than living in my mind
Because in reality I can defeat a old demon bearing a new disguise

These tears are a minor leak
I felt overfilled like the bathtub
With the drain as it's only release Still plugged up but some droplets found a dramatic way to make a exit
My blood pours faster, it doesn't wait for doors to open up, just the slightest break in skin
Cuts under sleeves are easier to hide than red eyes
I want to scream
But this is all I've got right now
This is all that remains of the flood
I used my emotions to channel this

I've been selfishly wanting you to call
Haunted by the phantom of my phone tone in the halls everytime I have a shower
But Rushing out to no missed calls

I'll hold your hand down the rabbit hole
I'm considerate like that
Or maybe just crazy
My fragile minds nieve
To the devil behind my own eyes
I'll forever hold onto last autumn and all the things we shared in common
I'm everything your parents warned you about
From the sins under my soles to the air in my head
Take me back
Take me back to wonderland

I wish I could meet him
Have a heart to heart
Ask a few questions and talk it out
I'll be the interviewer
You be Theresa May lie about strong and stable til you're blue in the face
"Why me?" I ask
You slip on your words and I swear I hear you say
"You've got to understand i only plague the mind of the strong and we need to learn to get along"
I sit up at the edge of my bed questioning why I'm talking to myself  
I'm not that gone yet.
I'll find the common strength to overcome myself .

You're always growing and getting strong
But you need to let it out if something's going wrong
Don't be rooted down by problems

If you ever have the audacity to feel worthless
I know things didn't quite work for us
But remember the purpose that I wrote this
To remind you that you're beautiful
And I know there's not much to my life right now
Other than living in clouds and looking down
Trying to bargain your value while I don't even know my own
Why should you take the time to read a single line?
A poem I wrote in just fragments of my spare time
Because every second is priceless
But it'll always be worthwhile to try make you smile
And Every second I took to write this I was thinking of you

To love is to abandon fear
But I'm so scared to let my only consistence go

I'm scared now
it'll always be the same
We'll lie about forever
argue and refuse to take blame
6 months of medicore happiness for it all end same
And six months more to make sure it cut the right vain
Two halfs of my heart lie on the bedroom floor
One half to be taken and the other half yearning to be complete once more

I've become a coroner and my bed's become a casket
I've got myself nailed in for a long stay inside my head
I've realised I'm the only one mourning
And for flowers to bloom upon my grave
I need to cremate this self pitty

Host a party for my words
As they gain age they never change
They grow old with grace
No matter my mental state
I'll give you some words that matter
That don't shatter
when they leave my tongue
I hope they hurt as they stick into your feet
Like a stake through the seems
So I can rebuild you from the ashes and start a new
Let you see you
Through my eyes like I do
Least you'll understand my  master plan
To make people believe and perceive
They can relieve there demons

I can see your eyes
Tearing up with dust
You've triped from grace far too many times
The rest of you
Has fallen Though the floor
Your finger nails clinging onto old accolades and awards
As your feet lay under floorboards

I'd write you a poem but I don't think the words I conjure would do you any justice
So I'll send you "a good morning"  before I sleep
Just so you don't wake to nothing.

The space imbetween when we're cuddling tightly
Is far too much
How do you think the distance effects us?

Holding time so tightly
With you in one hand
Hoping that it might stop
Giving me the chance
To align the words I struggle to find
Time after time trying to make the perfect line
Something so much sweeter than I love you
If we don't sleep tonight maybe tomorrow won't happen
And the train's won't take you  away

A man walks into a hospital....
They watch him die
Because he can't pay the price

I do sincerely believe the words I write in the moment's I write them
But sometimes the weight capsizes the boat sending me off course
To a destination unplanned
But the original idea isn't lost
If you push through the woods
Cut through vines and shrubbery to the better ending
Or leave a trail behind to help the next adventures find there path.

January again
And I'm already counting down the days til the next one
Already made enough mistakes in a matter of days
Febuary I'm so done with the rain and the  pattering on the window pain
It's march again
Another year older but I feel more or less the same and not much wiser
Continuing counting down the days
Maybe I'll learn a lesson or two along the way
And learn to line what I think and what I say
April,May
There's nothing much to say just a reminder of the wasted days and praying next year won't turn out the same
June, July
Summer time
I'll just watch and wait inside
November  in sight
Just more sitting and waiting inside
I missed my bus but you know how I get when I write loose all concept of time
December is here met by a cheer
This year it might turn out alright

I've made myself remember
My summer's were better than they were
But I've been unwell through all four seasons
Nothing changed in the warmth
The same fluoxetine dose
The same minimum hours of sleep
And a notion drilled into me
That this is a happy place to be.

I express my moods with weather types
And my growth through nature
Because I guess we're all clinging onto the sun's
Warmth and better days
Spent finding ourselves
Filled with good health
Long socks and shorts
Pop punk anthems and talks
About how we'll be better off next year
It comes around so quickly
And I'm still mocked by my evergreen for being under the weather

I'm in that headspace
Where everything I say
Gets written down
And maybe
Just maybe one day
In time
These words will form a short sentence or rhyme.

I Keep being weak and checking your socials onece or twice a week
Just to watch my moods drop from highs to lows
I don't know what makes me look back
I guess it's the memory of being loved to blame for that

I still see the Sharp reminder gracing my floor
Of where I hurt myself
Chasing you all those times you walked out the door
I should have just let you go right out of my life
After all the times you said you didn't love me
But when I found strength to give up
You came back pleading with me to give more

Death is needed so we can have life
Fear is needed so we can overcome and strive
There's no going under
These no going around
No corners to cut can be found
Take it in your stride
Go right down the middle
Don't hide or shy away
From the risks you after take
Smash through the cracks in the divide
And master the power you have inside to take control of your own life
You was born to do this

My work doesn't reflect a picture of me
It's more like a family photo you don't want to see
Shown by a aunty in pretence to remember how it used to be
And you look at yourself and see the struggle to express
From the way that you dress
And that fake smile
You've held for which seems like a awfully long while
They can't contemplate how the image the camera makes fails to translate the frown that you've Hidden away

Peace isn't all its cracked up to be
Maybe we're peaceful and that's why nothings getting done
Just a pile of cards in order
Ready to be played
Terror is fed from the hand it was delt
And the dealer made a choice for  all of us
Maybe he was counting cards

If you were the tide
And I was the sand
I'd pray for you upon these shores  
To build a castle
That we could call home
And when you decline
My love won't be following far behind

I always doubt
What remains on the page
When the rest has been crossed out
I wish you could see
What didn't make the final cut
Believe me
Someone
May fall in love

All they saw was death and mourning  
As they layed you in the ground
I saw something beautiful
A bouque of flowers bloomed
Has you became one with the earth
A fresh start
For you to write the wrongs
With the people who surrounded
Parting ways with forgiveness and love  
Hearts full of cherished stories
A chapter closes
But the book never shuts

A safe place I made
Was a place where I could rest my head
And watch repeats of old TV shows from my bed
But quickly that dream became stale
Instead of escaping through vents
Dark thoughts circled my head  searching for a release
Soon what I loved was no longer my friend

The place I go when I'm sleeping
Is right back to the hotel room
Where this all started
Because
You were once a dream
That occupied my consious state
I didn't sleep a wink the first time we shared a bed  
And now you're only here when I sleep
I wake violently to empty sheets
And I always wonder if you ever think of me
I slept an entire twelve hours today and I still ail the kinda tired sleep can't cure

It's painful to read lines
That once meant so much
But now mean nothing at all

On one hand
It's one of those days
I fail to string a sentence together
But on the other
I'll form a line
And hang this old birthday banner
And celebrate
The day my head is silent

I could forge lies with my tongue
But you wouldn't fall for none of them
You could see the gaps in my stories
And the truth in my eyes
So believe me when I say
Things can only become better with time

We finally got our house
And our first double bed
But the closer we got
The thinner the love spred
Like in the mornings how you used to moan how I buttered my bread
Both laying at oppersite end's
Clinging onto memories of single beds

No one's at the top of the pile
And no one's on the bottom
We should float with each others support
If one link breaks
We should build back up together

If I just lay in the snow
Will it take long to die?
That's what I hoped when I thought about it one time

Being with you is a dream leading to a nightmare
Everytime you have to leave
I don't know if it's getting easier or harder

When apart we feel like lost souls floating aimlessly with parts of ourselves missing
But together we know the parts we acquire don't fit each others puzzle
And it's for the best

I hate to see you down there at the bottom of the pool
I'll breath for you
I'll keep you on my shoulders if the pressure gets too much
We can go swimming
I'll take that risk for you
Add salt to the wound
Like stubbing your toe a thousand times
Your goggles are filling up
Your eyes are red
But for you it's a lovely shade
I always said you could pull off any colour
Take your mind off stuff
Focus on kicking your legs and staying afloat
We're at a gym or some kinda swimmingming pool
Guess I'm neither brains or brawn
Or whichever way it's said  
I'll take you swimming
We'll do whatever you want too
We could go dancing
I've got two left feet but you're always right
There's no other person's feet I'd rather set on in a slow dance
I'll take that risk for you
Break all my toes so you don't have too.