I can't sleep
Everytime I remember your words
They snap and recoil
And hurt me awake
Next time when someone
Promises me forever
I'll just smile
Look them in the eyes and ask
How long is forever to you.

I can't lie...
I miss her.
Maybe not the romantic relationship,
But I miss her company...

I miss those nights eating dinner in front of the TV,
I miss her in the kitchen sipping on some wine,
I miss those lazy Sundays on the couch doing nothing.

I can't lie...
I miss her.
Maybe not those nights when we fought incessantly,
Maybe not the constant struggle for wanting to be wanted..
But I miss her...
I miss the sincerity of her heart
I miss the love in her eyes when she looked at me...

I miss the security...
Knowing she was going to be in my bed every night,
I miss the feeling in my heart
Knowing that there was no need to worry...
She was mine, and I was hers.

I can't lie...
I miss her.
Maybe not the tears she shed,
Maybe not the constant fighting
Maybe not those nights when I was constantly pushed away...

But...
I miss the simplicity,
I miss how comfortable we were,
I miss knowing every single part of her body,
I miss the plans, the smiles, the conversations...

I can't lie.
I miss her...
My best friend, my accomplice,
my constant companion...

I can't lie...
I still miss her...my wife.

August 30th 2017
I woke up missing you today.
I could feel your hand on my hip and your breath on my neck.
I could hear your lullabies of sweet seduction whispering in the background.
I woke up missing the way you made me feel.
Waking up beside you was like waking up in Heaven.
I felt nothing but bliss and all the happiness in the world was held in your eyes.
Those galaxies of wonder.
You held the sun in your smile and I always enjoyed how I could stare at the sun without getting burnt.
But one day came where I got burnt.
I would give anything for just one more day to wake up beside you and for all to be okay.
But alas, your mouth no longer holds the sun, only empty promises.
Your hands haven't touched my body in almost 3 months. I can still feel them as if I was being taunted by a ghost.
But your eyes are still the keeper of the galaxies.
And somewhere out there floating among the stars is my broken heart.
If you find her, treat her well. I don't want her back. She was always yours after all.

August 30th 2017
I woke up missing you today.
I wiped away my tears and just as the sun rose, I let it wash away.
Because the sun is the sun. And you are not the sun.

Yet again it begins as the puppet master spins
Tangling the strings and holding up the wings
And down go the angels into hell
Down goes the bucket in the well
But the water comes up empty
And the bucket sinks down dry
And as sure as skies are falling
There's a needle in my eye

Did you try to tell me something
When you floated out to space?
Did you try to let me know
That the void was in my place?
That the emptiness consumed you
And you consumed my heart
And when you found it lacking
You blew us both apart

Yet again it will end and we greet again as friends
But the knots that were tied are just tangles multiplied
And the complication's ever
Ever present, ever on
Ever present, ever on
Ever on and on and on

Did you try to tell me something
When you sank down in the deep?
Did you try to let me know
That I was making you lose sleep?
Then those sleepless nights defined us
And defined we could not stay
And when that door was opened
You walked out and away

Yet again it begins as the wooden puppet spins
Held up fast and held up tight casting shadows in the light
And down goes the curtain on the stage
Fistfuls of hair fly in a rage
But the show reviews successful
So the master restful lies
And the blazing wooden puppet
Feeds the fire as it dies

Did you try to tell me something?
For the hour's now grown late
And the something that you said
Is now lost and out of date
Did you try to tell me something?
I didn't listen, couldn't hear
All the words from puppet masters
Were crammed deep into my ear

Did you try to tell me. . .?

Did you try to tell me. . .?

I keep dying everyday,
or the pieces of the
man I was, rather.

With each day that passes,
old parts of me also
fade into oblivion.

I remember how much
I loved her.
I loved her, like how the clouds
clung to the sky.
I loved her, like how the stars
burned in the dark of night.

I also remember being
afraid, but hopeful.

I was afraid of who I will
become, when all of who I was
has passed.

But I was hopeful that
I will be free, at last.
For the man that I was,
knew not how not to love her.

I feel like i'm restarting my heart
Everytime I see a pair of eyes
That look just like yours,


That pear tree resting where your eyes should be
Makes me think that everything is going to be okay,
Okay,
Okay.

Things are not okay,
Whenever I see your green eyes
All I am paired with
Is that fact that I won't be your pear anymore
I see nothing but sadness
What could I done differently,
Differently,
Differently,

Hang on,
I see these blue eyes
That come at me like a tidal wave
Over all of these barbie dolls we call people  
And maybe just maybe,

I feel like i'm restarting my heart everytime
I see a pair of eyes that look just like yours,
So blue and so pure,
Like the beaches we would beach on our sunday nights,
We have work the next day,
Yes but not now at 3am.
When i'm looking at nothing else but your blue eyes
Hoping that the moon will never fall,
Fall,
Fall.

Why did you watch me fall
From the tallest tower
You knew when to throw the hardest of punches
Harder than any tidal wave crashing against
There is a reason why storms are named after people
And this time that person is you.
Blowing up everything but these memories
On the beaches that have beached my mind.
My mind,
My mind,

Hang on,
I feel like i'm restarting my heart
Everytime I see a pair of eyes
That look just like yours.

I’m not in the swing of things
And want to meet by that is
I'm not used to being blinded by these lies.
The tie me down by the terrible fact that the facts
You told my ignorant eyes were nothing but lies

You left

I stayed

I had to pick up all of the loose ends
That you cut off loosely with me.

Odd

They looked like that one time
When we froze our *** off
At that donkey concert.

I'm not in the swing of things
And what I mean by that is
I stare at my phone to wait for text messages.
Marooned on an island of my most baneful thoughts

But wait
A message!

It's just an email from the people who write emails
That don't want me to write back

Shame

I just want you to check up on me
Like a direct deposit
See how my collection of poetry is going.
I want to live in the timeless time
When we couldn't imagine being with anyone else.

I'm not in the swing of things.
And when I mean is
I hate eating alone
Forks and spoons we used for food fights with
Are now just instruments to put food in my mouth.
I feel optimistic finding crumbs in my beard.
You see when I find crumbs in my beard.
I pretend just for a moment
That you left them
So I can find my way
Back to a better place

So I’m sorry if I'm not in the swing of things
This rope that holds me together is fraying
Each strand is stripping me away and leaving
Like the leaves you trekked into this ******* house

These leaves will melt away

The rope will give out

You will let me fall

You say that i'll get back on my feet

I'm just afraid of when my feet will fail me now.

I watch your razor blade float across the water
With the scissors resting on the faucet
But the only thing that cuts deep
Are the thoughts in my head that never leave
I lay dorment til the water gets cold, sometimes fall asleep because I normally don't
Some of my best works have been scribbled down on wet sheets
I used to try wash everything away
Wishing it went down the drain like water
But now all I need is a pen and a few sheets
And I'll feel cleansed again