I wonder sometimes...
If it'***** you yet..?
If it'll ever hit you..
When you think back to me..
If you ever do..
I wonder if you'll ever think...


She brought so much good and joy to my lonely life.
Would it be hard for you to look into my eyes, and admit you're biggest regret?
I imagine seeing the ocean of regret fill within your eyes and slip down your cheeks as you continue to speak.
Would you go on to say..
You've learned the hard way?
You've learned from your mistakes?
That I was the only light in your corner of darkness?
And letting me walk away was your biggest mistake?

I wonder if...
you'll ever think...
Maybe I’ve always been destined to end up in this place?
Alone...
With
Nothing
But
The
Reflection
Of
Your
Own
Decisions.

I wonder...
if you'll ever realize...
Love will always be your greatest lesson.
Because you realize you had it all when you were with me.

I wonder if...
your eyes would show signs of being tired?
Tired of searching.
Tired of searching what cannot be found.
Tired of coming up short with every girl in town.
Tired of searching for the very thing you'd thought you'd forgotten.
But then realizing,
This entire time you'd been searching...
You were actually searching for me in another person.

If this were true..
This would mean..
You realized there is no such thing as finding me in another.

So I can't help but wonder...
If this would be your defining moment,
when you realized..
That...
You're a prisoner to your own pain?
Because you hurt the ones most close to you.
Who love you.
Is this the moment when I'll hear you say...
I’m a prisoner to my decisions.

I wonder...
if you'll feel the same emptiness
I felt?
Where you can feel your soul burning.
Burning with such sadness.
And how you sit in those hazy agonizing days filled with nothing but pain, because you cannot digest the loss you are faced with.
I wonder...
If like me,
You'll actually contemplate handing it all over to the devil himself,
Just so you could leave this place and once again see their face.

I guess I'll never know...
if you'll ever reach such a chapter...
But I'll always...
Always...
Wonder.

What would your husband think about you leaving? Any kids?

"I don't have a husband anymore.... And no, no kids...there's no point anyway."

What?

"Loving anyone or anything.....
Feels great at first, but it always turns to crap. I know the truth about love.... Its a hell I'll never get out of alive."





No one does......

I blinked my tired eyes open...
One morning...
In September...
I felt instantly different...
Something that had been there with Me...
For so long...
Was gone...
Just like that...
That one morning in September...

I'll never forget that day...
The day I stopped loving you....

It was the first morning in years,
That my mind didn't immediately go to you...
It was the first morning...
I didn't feel that same dull ache deep... Within my heart...
It was the first morning l didn't cry...
Not even a single tear...
And it was on this morning that
I realized..
I finally let you go...


I suddenly just knew....
That I would never spend another night...
Comparing myself to the girl you left me for...
Over analyzing...
Sleep deprived..
Maybe even a little
Crazed...

Never again...
Would..
I..
Spend another day...
Looking...
Searching...
For something that didn't exsist...
No more hoping..
To find even a shred of evidence that you loved me...
Even if it was in the most tiniest of measures...

You know nothing of Heartbreak...
And how it brought me to my knees...
Worst fears realized...
I was nothing but a ghost...
Stuck in limbo...


I  hated you for a long *** time...

I remember...
Going back and forth...
Between my heart and mind...
Arguing over you having an ugly heart...
And no soul...

No soul,
Behind those beautiful blue eyes...
I didn't want to believe that...
About you...
Let alone let that be my last memory of you..

But what are you to do when someone leaves you in ruin?
What do you tell yourself?
What would you have me believe?
You left..
Nothing behind but grief...

I knew you didn't give a ****...
I know you still don't...
I know you feel some kind of validation in everything you've done...
And thats where we're...
Too entirely different people...
I could never do that to someone
I loved..

So..
You gave me no choice...
I let go when..
You forced..
Me..
To doubt everything we shared..
To question your feelings for me..
Cant you see?


To question...
The one person you once loved more than life itself....
It does something to you..
It's nothing shy of a hell...
I'd never wish on anyone...


It was the hardest battle...
I'd ever faced...
But I overcame it...

On that sweet September Morning...
I came alive again...
Because I let go...
Because...
I let you go...

Ive accepted you may have never loved me...
But I can't say the same..
So..
Before you even realize it..
I'll be gone...
And I want you to know that despite everything...
And no matter what you go through..
In life..
Without me...
If you ever one day in the far future.. find yourself..
Thinking about me..
On a cool summers day...
When the crickets begin to sing...
Know that you were loved indefinitely...
In the best way any person could ever be loved...
Even if that person...
Was simply
Just me...

I’ve seen honest faces before.
They’re usually attached to liars.

In your eyes.
I sometimes saw a deep ocean of blue.
One to love and one to lose.
Sweet divide, our biggest fight.
Walk away or stay, don't make me choose....

I wanna feel the way that we did that summer night.
When we had our first kiss in the rain.
Drunk on a feeling, just you and I.
Couldn't get enough of you.
I trusted you.
I would of packed up my life and ran away with you.

I gave you all the love I had inside of me.


I loved you more than any one person could ever wish to be loved.

Sadly I don't think you'll ever see it.