Warmth from chaos
A past time of mine
It makes me feel goey
And nice inside.

The destruction of lives
The loss of property.
I enjoy it all.
Just not when it's me.

I'm gonna **** myself
But it's for attention
So it doesn't count
So just let this slide.

When you hear the bang
Don't enter the room.

I want you to call the police.
Tell them you heard a loud bang in my room.

Don't worry about the future
I left a box of stuff.

In the box, there's a list.
It's for Matt. Don't look.
Unless you hate surprises.

I left enough gifts on there to last you 20 years.
Matt will buy them
Or he'll feel like ****.

For Ky, I left my computer.
Hers is better, but she said she wanted mine
When we were 12.

For Hope, I leave my grandma's blanket.
It's torn and filthy, but that adds to its history.

I don't want you to enter at all.
At least for a year.

When the time's up
You'll find something special.

When it comes time to clean
Have Matt and Brian do it.

For Jared, I leave my old games
He says they're collectors.

For Liam, I leave Fire Emblem.
Maybe this will get him to play it.

Sorry that it was always me and you.
And not someone more interesting.

Jenna will console you
at least at first.
So you'll have someone else to talk to.

I was never good at conversation
So sorry for wasting time

But maybe now,
I'll be good for conversation.

I was writing a really good poem but then the tab got changed to another and I lost all my progress :/

Oozing from my eyes
Down to my nose
Taste's like gunk
Sounds of funk
On my fingertips.

Trifecta
The three of us
Or was it four?
I can't recall why
Or when.
But that's the past,
And this is now.
So where do we go?

A rainbows end
Should not be sad.

For its life
Was full of color.

The other side,
A new journey.

Glimmering gold
Is where it starts.

Shining beauty
Is where it parts.

Then the clouds leave.
As is the law.

Around the bend,
The last it saw.

Do not weep for a rainbow-
Even though it may be sad.

When you mourn for the rainbow-
You ruin what it once had.

Mother hen-
Lead the way
Tell me when-
And where to stay.

I need a guide-
Through my life
A place to hide-
No more strife

Mother hen-
I'm sorry I lied
Fault of men-
I just can't cry.

Take me away
Far from here

Let me rest
On the clouds

I need an escape
From what I fear

Put me under
6 feet down

I'll go asunder,
My eternal slumber.

Cheating on you-
With myself.
Nothing to do.
Not with you.

Flying a plane?
How dare he.

He's in my lane,
I dare say.

That's unacceptable.
I refuse to believe.

Please don't harm me.
Just let me be.

Stuck in a pit
Or stuck in a rut?
Irrelevant, it's all the same.

A lonely day
One after love
One by itself

Not celebrated
Nor is it hated
Just average.

Tuning my thoughts
To match my words

Tied into knots
Of broken lies

Defeating smile
The ten yard mark

Saw from a mile
All bite, no bark.

Bottled sadness
Soon to explode

Constant madness
A fading light

Dimming darkness,
That stole my fight

My will to live
My only right

It's been reversed
Flipped on its head

Reverse of what's not.
Wish I was dead.

I am a Hero
I am a Noble
I am a Knight
I am a God
I am a Liar
My name
Is Ferdinand Von Aegir.

I'm sorry for your time
I'm sorry to make you work.
Didn't mean to cause a crime
Didn't want him to get hurt.

You were kind
And you were calm.
Now you'd find
My head in my palm.

I'm sorry to say
It ended this way
I wish you a good day

Talking to myself
Might seem crazy.
Especially
when in public.

But I didn't think
I was talking
to myself.

I thought
I was talking
to you.

Sorry for the mistake
Of being born

Dear father
A name
You don't
Deserve

Take me away
Open up my pain
Press the wrinkles
Inhale my failure

Smoke in the sky
A sure warning

Here comes another
One more mistake
To join us.

Honey Covered Lies
Sweeter than the truth
Poison in my system
Botox in my veins.

Honey Covered Lips
The sweeter they taste
The stronger the dose.

Chopsticks
Don't look down
Don't fall
Don't worry
Don't give in
Don't listen
Ignore them
Ignore the thoughts
Keep moving
Keep thinking
No don't
Don't think
You'll fall
Chopsticks
They're frail
Don't falter
Push forward
Keep moving
Keep going
Keep moving
Don't think
Trust them
They don't lie

They snapped

Think before you make up your mind
I don't seem to realize
I can't do this on my own
I'll need support

But if I fall
I'll miss you all.

Mass production
just turn the crank

Mass destruction
hide in the tank

Upon the hill
I see the light glow
A place of happiness
That I'll never know

Busting my back
Breaking my bones
Helping the pack
Holding their stones.

Workhorse will try
Workhorse won't budge
It's time's gone by
I'll be the judge

A song should start on the root.
In the middle should be a 5.
And end on a jump to 8.

But I choose 7.

What happened to you?
Why are you broken?
Would you like some help?
Should I leave you be?

Are you shattered too?
Have you awoken?
Tell me how you felt.
Tell me what you see.

I am your family
So you can trust me
There's no need to leave

I'm your biggest fan
I'm what you're to be
My heart's on my sleeve.

At last, you've joined
Another day spent.

Now you're one of us.
It's where you must've went.

But now, you are gone

And now I'm content.

Liquid courage slides down my gullet
To approach her from across the room.

Told myself that she was full of it
A habit spelling my certain doom.

One deep breath intakes the fun-to-be
Helps me push away my deepest fears.

I can feel the music about me
Finally fitting in with my peers.

Spinning my good friend, I find a match
Taller than I, but nothing like her.

Hot and heavy moving past her patch
Finish within the time I assure.

Up a level, the party begins
My first winter storm left me burning.

Now it's really boiling up within
Up my nostrils, I feel it churning.

The yellow cannonball firing far
At last, I can be with the great stars

To escape is to see.
To sea is to drown.
To drown is to end.
To end this long abuse.

There's nothing left
You can't escape
There's only death
Accept your fate.

A little too much to drink.
A little too much that day.

Yes I went a little too far
And I'm willing to work hard.

But he won't give me a chance
One strike and then you're out.

I didn't mean to hit him that hard
But now I've got to clean it up.

I don't practice self harm
I'm just an observer.
It has a certain charm
It just makes me wonder.

It's full of holes.

I'm for freedom of speech,
Only when it's applied to me

I protect animals
Unless they're food

I want your time
But won't pay it back.

I won't give you some help
Now cut me some slack.

Ceaseless scratching
The sound of fingernails on skin
Constant
Unending
Rapid
More
I need it more.
Oh god.
Oh ****.
I can feel the Need.
It's all over.
The sensation.
Not even here. Just a mirage.
Just a dream.
Just a fever.
What I want.
NO
What I need.
When will it come?
How long have I waited?
Hours?
Days?
Months???
Or only minutes?
Time
Oh please go faster
A kettle
Boil?
That's it!
If I don't think
Then it will speed up.
How to achieve that though?
Oh,
I did it.

First time in a while
I'm a bit rusty
I've struggled before
but you can trust me

You know I've been scraped
And how I've been bruised
But I've changed my shape
And managed my tune.

Guess it's time to work
Get back in the fray
Just another perk.
Lets live another day.

When you're on your own
You've got nowhere to go.
But don't worry my friend

My shoulder's for sale
It's only price
Is a warm smile.

Have me get drawn and quartered
Tear my attention span shorter.
Go and tear me limb from limb
My weeping smile from cheek to cheek.

Mutilate my childish mind
Creativity left behind.
Beat me into submission
Misery; your only mission.

**** me and tell me I'm wrong
Hide and whine your pathetic song.
Father's your supposed name
He who ignores his growing shame.

Forgive him is what they say
Unaware of what's given way.
Tear me open for all to see
Dismember my will to be.

My brain is fried
Over easy
My brain cells died
Makes me queasy.

This nausea
Is giving me
New empty thoughts
Of hollow dreams.

Writing this now
I'm asking how
I've been endowed
With useless talent.

Fight for what's left
Not for what's right
What's right's subjective
What's left's objective.

The future's built
On what we have
The future's lost
To what we want.

Tank of green
Liquid steam
Bubbles rise
Growing wise.

All this pain
That I feel
There's no gain
From this deal.

Wired tubes
Sticking out
Glowing cubes
Left no doubt.

Fire raging
Forest fading
I'm Still waiting

How can we
Connect to
Someone who
Has gone through
Something so
Terrible?

I've never
Been beaten
By someone
With a whip
But sill I
Can connect.

How funny.

I've heard it for hours
Played it on end
Helped me when in need,
On it I depend

This verse still ringing in my head
The bittersweet memories attached
Motivated by its heartfelt words
But it feels like I need it detached.

"I want you to know: with everything, I won't let this go
These words are my heart and soul
I'll hold on to this moment, you know
'Cause I'd bleed my heart out to show that I won't let go"

I love you
I really do
But the year has passed
My need for falsity
is gone.
You will be missed.

Yours truly.

Empty eyes of sorrow and sadness
Stare into a constant void of madness

With her blonde colored hair
Upon hours I could stare
And hold no cares.
For a maiden so fair
My lifetime I would share
And be forever paired.

Some say it's quite drastic
But she's quite elastic
Who cares if she's spastic
When she's made of plastic

This blazing blade
Stuck in my chest
The starving flames
Licking my flesh.

The orange hue
Glowing so bright
Makes you ask who
Started this fight?

These pearl white sins
Melting away;
Charring my skin
No more to say.

The earworm
In my head
Had made it
To my brain
And eaten
What little's
Left

Everyday someone enters.
Everyday someone leaves.
But not me.

I've been here for 12 years now.
The pain I feel gets better with time.

Or so I'm told.

Isn't it ironic?
Someone tells me what it's like
But then I experience it.
Tell them otherwise.
But I'm wrong.

As usual.

The music is blaring
Like the drum of
My heart.

Isn't it strange?
To be surrounded
By people
Yet feel drowned
In loneliness?

I grab a
Drink
Swallow and
Feel the sting
That gets me drunk
on
The feeling of
Nothingness.

A blurred
Voice
Calls for me.
It's slurred speech's
Making my
Nerves calm.

I grab it
Tightly
And follow it home
Never
To be seen
Again.

Sign me up
Send me in
Equip me
With a pen.

Hold it tight
Aim it right
Take your pick
Feel the kick

Peaceful notes
Left behind
Makes you want
To rewind