Lynx: Poems

Anxiety

Lynx Nov 2017

Anxiety

Roses are red
Three comes before four
Do you want to know what goes on in my head?
It's an absolute war

#anxiety #depression #sadness #autism #aspergers

Crowds are My Worst Nightmare

Lynx Nov 2017

Crowds are My Worst Nightmare

As the crowd moves around me
I cower
and make myself
as small as I can
My eyes burn
and my chest hurts
"don't hurt me"
I think
as I cry so hard
my throat refuses
to let me form sentences
people ask what's wrong
but I can't answer them
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry"
Is all they can make out
and all I can make escape my lips
I'm sorry I'm scared, but I don't know what to do
Please forgive me
and don't hate me
for the fears
I can't control

I experience a phobia of crowds, and although it's not nearly as bad as 3-4 years ago, it's still pretty awful.

#phobia #phobias #crowds #fear #fears #anxiety #pain

Death

Lynx Apr 2019

Death

Cold
Like ice
but not quite
Stiff
like stone
but not quite
life is gentle
that I know
now
more than ever
as another life passes me by
the same way a leaf blows in the wind

Someone in Dawa's discord requested I write a poem about death, so I did.

#death #sadness #gentle #dead

Dragon's Rage

Lynx Mar 2018

Dragon's Rage

My life's essence is a dragon's rage,
fueled by anger and hatred
similar to Kiyohime
burning down the bell
Anchin hides in
to escape her fury
However unlike her
I do not take lives
I may burn them
and leave scars
but I never sacrifice the human
they deserve much worse
than I could ever deal
to those who harmed us

Fur Coat

Lynx Dec 2018

Fur Coat

My anxiety is a large fur coat.
Its made of dead things
But it keeps me safe from the elements.
I overheat, most likely because I keep it on too much.
I don't want to risk a sudden cold front.
I don't want to ever be exposed to the elements again.

Something that started as a 6 word story. Then grew.

#anxiety #depression #fear #paranoia #paranoid #stress

Home?

Lynx Nov 2017

Home?

I refuse to break here
I must be strong
I must not crumble, or shatter
I have to be the pillar
and without me, this whole structure will collapse
So why is it that I allow this to surface?
I know it will cause the inhabitants of the house to flee
I know this mouse is unwanted
But I allowed it within without leaving my space

Maybe I was never a pillar after all,
since the house is still crumbling within
even with my support.

#anxiety #depression

I Want

Lynx Jan 2018

I Want

I want you to hold me tight
I want you to touch me softly
I want you to be gentle with my heart
but most of all
I want you

A quick simple poem I jotted up while thinking about ...fluffy romance stuff.

Justice is Dead

Lynx Nov 2017

Justice is Dead

What is context?
Clearly they don't know.
I show my innocence
Yet get sent to the gullitine regardless
Even when half the jury is in my favor
The King refuses
and I get charged for a crime
I never committed
Trying to protect someone
Who just wanted me dead

#suffering #crime #guilty #innocent #charge #charged

Listen to Me Already!

Lynx Nov 2017

Listen to Me Already!

Just listen to me already
Why don't you listen?
I thought you were my friend
So why do you still hurt me?
Why do you let that person near you?
Why do you let them exist in my vicinity?
You know they're just an evil vindictive *****
Please listen to me
Please
Please.
Please...

#depression #anxiety #pain #suffering

Love Makes You Vulnerable

Lynx Nov 2017

Love Makes You Vulnerable

You hold me so tight
I fear I might break
But the feeling
It feels so good
To be against you
Against your chest
I feel as though we are one
I love this
I feel wanted
So please
My love
Hold me tighter
Go ahead
You can break me if you want.

This is from my views of last year, when my boyfriend hugged me.

#love #vulnerability #vulnerable #happiness #emotions #hugs #hug #hugging

Marta

Lynx Nov 2017

Marta

I love her
I love her so much
Her long hair
Her cute skirt
I love her
I know she's only pixels
Only lines on a piece of paper
But I love her
She's so sweet
And selfless
and brave
I want to be like her
And that's why I love her
Even if she isn't real

This is a poem about waifus. Specifically, I wrote a poem about Marta Lualdi. She's from Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of the New World, on the Wii and PS3. I recommend playing it!

#anime #video #games #marta #lualdi #tales #of #series #love #cute

My worst enemy

Lynx Jan 2018

My worst enemy

You don’t understand me
But that’s okay
no one does
You don’t know me
but that’s okay
no one knows what’s deep inside
If you took a peek into my mind
you’d feel like you were branded
like a cow
being lead to the slaughter
and I’d never wish that on anyone
so when you try and tell me
the horrible stories
you think you know
I don’t care
because you’ll never know
what this is like
what it’s like to be tainted
what it’s like to be me
what it’s like to live this experience
daily
over and over
but do you know what?
That’s okay
I don’t want you to
I’d never wish it
on my worst enemy
except
my worst enemy
is me

new year, new me, right?

Lynx Jan 2019

new year, new me, right?

I awaken
my eyes not yet open
to a new year
my cat curled beside me
I move to stroke his soft fur
'this year will be better'
I promise myself
smiling softly
and sitting up
preparing myself
for a new day

Happy New years everyone (even though it's almost 7pm)

#new #years

Not Me

Lynx Nov 2017

Not Me

Some people say I'm hyperactive
But that's not me
Some people say I'm cute
But that's not me
Some people say I'm heartless
But that's not me

I don't know what I want
And I don't know what I am
But I know what I'm not
But that's okay
At least, I think so

I know what I love
And I know what I dislike
I know what I hate
But only sometimes

Life is a mystery
Life is a puzzle
And I want to solve it
But I know this puzzle is never ending
For now, I guess
I'll just focus on the pieces that make those around me happy.

I don't know what I'm doing, sorry.

#anxiety #me

no way out

Lynx Mar 2018

no way out

I'm tired
yet here I write
beneath the bright light of my room
too tired to move the trash off my bed
writing in hopes others will understand
will resonate with me
will be happy
for some reason, or another
I just want everyone to be happy
but I know it's not that easy
and I wish I knew that when I started out
because I wouldn't have painted myself in this corner
with no way out
now that my mind has had itself firmly planted
in that frame of thought...

Anixety and depression is a *****, man. So is trying to make everyone else happy when you can't even make yourself happy.

#depression #anxiety #stubbornness #stubborn #tired #fatigue

Only

Lynx Nov 2017

Only

Swear to love only me.
Don't look at anyone else.
I only look at you.
So only look at me, okay?
Say you love me.
Only me.
You can't stray.
Your heart has to belong to me, and only me.
You're absolutely mine.
No exception.

#yandere #possession #possessive #love #paranoia

Only You

Lynx Nov 2017

Only You

More.
I need more.
You say I'm insatiable,
But I just can't help my hunger.
More.
Give it all to me.
I want the whole world.
But my world is only you.

#possession #possessive #love #obsession #passion

remind me

Lynx Nov 2019

remind me

hold me close
remind me
how much you love me
with your touch
your breath
please
I only feel vulnerable with you
so open me up
and take as much as you want

Repent

Lynx Jan 2018

Repent

You lied
You lied.
You lied!
You lied to me!
Why would I trust liars?
This angel with a pure white canvas of a heart
has been tainted
with black paint
and seeks your suffering
you've made her fall
down to earth
and soon
she might be dragged into hell
if only you could repent

Sleep it off

Lynx Nov 2017

Sleep it off

Sleep it off
Sleep it off
My solution to everything
Sleep it off
Sleep it off
The one fix for any ailment
Sleep it off
Sleep it off
Everything will be better after you wake up
And even if it doesn't work
You can just sleep it off some more

Time to sleep off more feelings.

#depression

Untitled

Lynx Nov 2017

Untitled

Pull me by the arms
And tell me that you love me
As long as we're together
This game brings so much pleasure
Your soft skin against mine
makes me quiver
I love you more than anyone
So never let me go, never tell me you're done

Someone told me to try and write a "lewd" poem. I attempted to do just that.

#**** #*** #lust #love #passion #skinship #lewd

Untitled

Lynx Mar 2018

Untitled

I hate myself
I hate myself
so much
I hate myself so much that I want to hurt myself
I can't
I used to
but now I'm not allowed
the blade wills me
but I'm not allowed
I want it
it's shiny
it's sharp
I miss carving out
my pain into my skin
but I'm not allowed
it's okay
someday
I'll move past it
...right?

a poem about someone who hasn't self harmed in years and misses it dearly

#self #harm #pain #suffering #depression #anxiety

Winter

Lynx Sep 2018

Winter

The night was as cold as ice
The white snow glistens beneath my feet
As I walk, the white ground crunches
Am I alone?
Was I ever truly company for anyone?
My hands are cold
but my heart burns bright
and shines like gold

— The End —