The hope that flows within,

it is growing weak,

I feel the pain within,

It is all I seek.



The love that flowers inside,

The petals fall and die,

Instead a thornbush grows,

And I am pierced from the lies.



The heart that once beat strong,

Is dying softly down,

Its beat is strange and wrong,

and tortured is its song.

I wished on 11:11 for you,
I prayed for you every night,
I lied awake,
Hoping (for my sake),
That you'd never want to part,
From me,
But now you have,
And I continue to wish,
On 11:11,
And pray to God,
For you.
But the prayer has changed,
It's that you'd return,
To me.
Wishing you'd come back,
Walk through my door,
Instead of not loving me anymore,
And I prayed it for months,
Till I realized,
That I don't really need you,
In my life.
So now I wish on 11:11,
And pray to God,
That you are happy,
And healthy,
And doing his will,
And instead of you,
My God shall fill,
My heart.

Hello, Old dear friend,
It has been so long.
I wish you could see,
Just how strong I've become,
Since you left,
Since you walked out the door,
Telling me,
You didn't want me anymore.
I wish I could show,
Just how much more I know,
Now that you're gone,
and left me alone.
I send you this letter,
Not to rub it in,
Just how much better,
I have been,
Without you,
And your lies.
Instead I am writing,
Just so you'll know,
I think of you every time that it snows,
And I look at the gift that I bought for you,
That I never delivered,
Though it's just what you'd choose,
Because I knew you so well,
And I even still do,
But I am gone now,
So it's too bad for you.
With love forever,
Your former treasure.

Death and blinding pain,
I have nothing left to gain.
I don't know how I feel so sane,
when all that comes is death again.

Love and love is lost,
My heart feels like it's filled with frost,
how could I not see how much it cost,
and  now I am filled with exhaust.

To love you was the price,
I suppose it was my vice.
I tried to believe you could be nice,
but now your heart is hard as ice.

Hope for death to come for me,
I do not want you all to see,
the pain I'm in is the fee,
because no love can come for free.

For your Birthday I'd give you me,
but then I'm afraid I'll see,
my affections thrown to the side again.
For Christmas I'd give you me,
but by then I'm a memory,
a mistake made by a stupid selfish teen.
For New Years I'd give you me,
but I don't want to see,
the place your new affections lie.
For Valentines I'd give you me,
but my heart will not cease to bleed,
and I do not want the tears to start again.
For Easter I'd give you me,
but I'm afraid to be,
putting my heart out for you to see.
For my Birthday I'd give you me,
but now I'm afraid I believe,
that all you want is to hurt me dreadfully.
For Halloween I'd give you me,
but it is, I believe,
a day I can be someone other than me.
For Thanksgiving I'd give you me,
but I don't want to see,
you being thankful for someone other than me.
For your birthday I'd give you me,
but by then, hopefully,
you won't be someone worthy of my heart.
For Christmas I'd give you me,
but by then, hopefully,
my heart will be mine once again.
But sadly I don't believe,
it will be that easy for me.

He did it, He's gone,

He left and moved on.

I wish he could see,

I am still able to be,

The one that he loves,

I can still rise above,

I can be his always,

I would forever stay,

Gently in his arms,

Doing him no harm,

I'm his now and forever,

Forever and always.



But no.

He does not want that,

He does not want me,

I'm so very scared,

That I will always be,

The one with no love,

Because nothing I do,

Will ever change,

How I feel about you,

How can I move on,

If you've done me no wrong?



But wait.

He has done me wrong,

I know that he has,

One day he loved me,

Hated me the same,

I had no clue what to do,

I was going insane.

He caressed me,

Then left me,

He left me in pain.



That.

That is what he did wrong,

And so I will become strong,

Stronger than he,

Ever knew I could be.



And so.

So he will wish that he could've seen,

all the things that we could've been,

The beauty I would have shared,

Because I would have cared,

To forever be his,

And him forever be mine,

Together forever

with our spirits entwined.



But no.

He's lost out on that chance,

I really don't care to dance that dance,

The dance full of pain,

And regret, and sorrow,

As I ponder if there will be a tomorrow,



For us.

As I wonder how I could hold on,

As I hold us together,

Praying I'll be strong,

It never worked, I never was,

It just looked like it all because,

I became, nothing but a shell,

And my life, a living hell.



It was.

Can't you see?

All that you did,

It all hurt me?

If only I hadn't been so blind,

To think you were so kind,

To believe that your heart,

Had no bad part,

To it.



I was.

It's not all your fault,

I was naive,

I was naive to believe,

That it could last,

I needed a lesson from the past,

Nobody stays,

Not even one,

Even if love has truly begun,



To sprout.

To grow like a flower,

Beauty with power,

Enough to change a heart of stone.



But remember.

Rain will strengthen a flower,

But a storm will destroy it,

It will wilt,

Falling back down,

Into the filth,

Where it began,

Never to be seen again.



And though.

It may blossom once again,

Remember it is not the same,

It is not the same flower,

And its scent may be sweeter,

Sweeter than the one before.

I flaunt my heart out on display,
Like a piece of fine jewelry,
Worn for all the world to see.

My heart is now worn on my sleeve,
No longer held close to my chest,
Kept far from the feelings I hold.

I now hold my heart at arm's length,
Seemingly held out for the taking,
But I just don't want it near me.

You take my cold heart from my hand,
And hold it gently in your hands,
Attempt to heal the past abuse to it.

My heart warms up so slowly to you,
Picking up speed as it's held close,
Till it's burning fire once again.

The heart begins to burn your hand,
And you won't stand the pain for me,
You let it go and run away from it.

I watch you run and watch my heart fall,
It hits the ground before you're gone,
It falters and stops, and yet you do not.

I bend down and pick up my heart,
Feeling it cool down in its death.
I replace it on my sleeve and forget.

I touch your skin so innocently,
But innocence is not on my mind.
I whisper so quietly in your ear,
Under the guise that it is strategy.
You are on my team, as they know.
They do not suspect sweet nothings,
To flow so very freely from my lips.
They do not know how much I crave,
You, of all the off-limit people I see,
To show me how you feel about me,
To let your hand linger on my hand,
Just a moment longer than needed.
Just long enough to let me know,
That you care about me the way,
That I have to hide how much I care,
About you, dearest.

I think of you, day in and day out.
I think of your face, your hands, your lips.
I crave you, day in and day out.
I crave your neck, your chest, your hips.
I want you, day in and day out.
I want your eyes, your ears, your kiss.
I miss you, day in and day out.
I miss your voice, your touch, oh what bliss.

Understand what I mean when I say this;
I think of you, day in and day out.
You are the thought I fall asleep to,
The thought that awakens me.
You are my hope when the phone rings,
And if it were you, I think I would sing.
And I write you this poem, like you love me,
But I'm so very sure the world can see,
Right through this.

You just messaged me,
I can tell you've been drinking.
You can't even remember my age,
You can't seem to recall that Saturday,
Or all those mistakes we made,

You're trying once again,
To ****** me as you did before,
Will you not stop, just quit it now?
Your girlfriend deserves so much more,
And so do I, you know.

Don't you see it hurts me?
I care so very much, too much,
Much too much to see you like this.
Too much to not try and solve it for you,
Too much to think of leaving.

I need to back away,
You know in your heart I do,
Because if I let myself get close,
You know I'll fall once again for you.
But once again I've stayed.

Nothing you do or say,
Will convince the strongest walls,
I have set guard upon my heart to fall,
I need for you to hear and understand this.
To believe this lie.

Question.
Does friendship disappear overnight?
Do feelings drop off randomly?
If they do, do you really fake it,
Hoping it could come back?

Question.
Do relationships do the same?
Can you lose two years in two days?
And when you do,
Do you fake it hoping for a miracle?

Question.
Is there a script for men to follow?
Whether friend or lover,
You speak the same words,
Hoping, praying I don't notice the lines,
Used on me before?

Question.
Do you find me so unintelligent,
That you believe that I,
the girl with the wise eyes,
And the beautiful mind,
Could not see the patterns proven to me before?

Question.
Do you think so little of me,
That you could so casually use,
My worst fear against me?

Statement.
If you wanted this to be easy for me,
Don't quote my ex word for word.
Don't insult my relationship with you,
And do not insult my relationship with God.

Statement.
Don't ever come back,
Because you (I cannot say good) sir,
You are a ******* of the worst degree.

How you crave love,
That you would do,
Or say, or give away,
Everything,
And anything.

How you crave beauty,
That you would cut,
Or slice, or carve away,
Everything,
And anything.

How you crave perfection,
That you would mold,
Or change, or melt away,
Everything,
And anything.

How you crave skin,
That you would strip,
Or lose, or trade away,
Everything,
And anything.

Twisted,
Falling,
I feel my wings crumple and fail,
I plummet slowly to the the earth.

My heart is,
Breaking,
I feel my hopes falling to pieces,
I will hit the ground too hard.

My mind is,
Fading,
I feel my safety ending,
The ground rises to meet me.

My vision's,
Failing,
I am blinded now,
For I have hit the ground.