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3.9k · Jul 2014
Baby
Victoria Johnson Jul 2014
Your bright blue eyes gaze up at me,
and I can tell I'm all you see,
I just can't help but hold you close,
it's my maternal instinct,
I suppose.
3.5k · Sep 2014
Used.
Victoria Johnson Sep 2014
My heart
Pounds faster and faster,
My mind is convinced,
That my body's disaster,
But you told me it's not,
That you think it is hot,
And you would love,
To have me in your bed.

My body
Shakes harder and harder,
Your hands they wander,
As they gently discover,
Every inch of the surface,
As if it has but one purpose,
And that is to be yours,
But only when wanted.

My gasps
Come quicker and quicker,
And your tongue is slick,
In its oh-so frenzied lick,
As if my body was sweet,
Sweet as the richest candy,
****** till sweet no more.
I saw him and somehow ended up in the back of his car.
3.5k · May 2014
Suicide Bridge
Victoria Johnson May 2014
When you feel the mental anguish,
But honestly don't mind,
'Cause you're just happy you're going somewhere,
Even if your journey is about to end,
On a bridge called Suicide.
Short for me, really short.
3.5k · Jul 2014
Among the Stacks
Victoria Johnson Jul 2014
Here am I,
Lurking, waiting for you,
I see your face,
In every dream,
I almost love you,
Or so it seems.

I see you walk in,
And I take my chance,
I take you away,
So that we may dance,
I draw you in,
Among the stacks,
Take you so far,
that you won't come back.

With my temptress words,
I draw you in,
Because what I want,
Is lips on skin.
Slowly, sweetly,
You read me like a book,
And if you don't stop,
You'll be hooked.
3.4k · Nov 2014
Fateful Night
Victoria Johnson Nov 2014
You know I keep it caged,
Deep inside me.
I always did so well,
At keeping it quiet.
Nobody ever had to know,
About this monstrosity,
Right beneath the surface.

I keep my face straight.
Not a smile or a cry.
I'm constantly reminded,
To keep it well inside.
I always did so well too,
Till the night I lost control.

The monster from inside,
My own Pandora's box.
The monster's not inside,
Will never sleep again.
This monster on the inside,
Called emotion.
2.4k · Aug 2014
Homewrecker's Repent
Victoria Johnson Aug 2014
You kissed me and didn't want to,
You're now crying on the phone,
If you're gonna marry your girlfriend,
Then leave other girls alone.
I don't want to ruin relationships,
You were just my best friend,
But the first time your lips met mine,
I think that came to an end.
Same as yesterday.... Again. Stolen kisses contains the backstory.
2.4k · May 2014
Tattoo
Victoria Johnson May 2014
I like the pain.
I tattoo myself,
Just to let myself feel,
The needle dig,
Over and over,
Into my flesh,
Driving the ink in,
To slowly create,
Beauty from pain.
Like life.

I like the pain.
I remove my tattoo,
I rip it open,
And let it bleed.
I rub salt in it,
Burning myself,
To finally remove,
This faded picture,
So worn down,
From my life.

I enjoy the pain,
The new colors,
As blood and ink,
Mix together,
In a dance,
Intertwined,
Running from,
The lines that I,
So very carefully,
Carved into my flesh.
And it is gone.
I got and removed a tattoo in the period of two days, and this ran through my head.
1.8k · Sep 2014
Mixed Feelings
Victoria Johnson Sep 2014
I will always remember,
The way you held me tight,
And wished to stay the night,
But.

I hated every moment,
That you thought about,
The girl you can't live without,
Love.
The man I wrote the last one about came and visited me on his birthday, this is all I could think.
1.8k · Sep 2014
Mythical (Who am I?)
Victoria Johnson Sep 2014
I am a fallen angel,
I cannot lie,
A brilliant smile,
And wings of paper
Are my only disguise.

I am a singing siren,
With a coy voice,
And a silver tongue,
I twist my words,
To make things alright.

I am a cold banshee,
A harbinger of doom,
Just a warning for you,
But you fear me so,
You shot the messenger.

I am a unwitting succubus,
Unknowingly stealing,
Hearts of men,
And leaving my morals,
Behind.

I am just Sahmeiraa,
A throwback to my past,
Just a 13 year old nerd girl's RP,
With the only one she loves.
She is nothing to anyone but me.
This is me, described in the terms I know how.
1.7k · Aug 2014
Aftermath
Victoria Johnson Aug 2014
What happened to,
"Instead I sit here,
Blushing bright red,
Letting sweet words,
Rush to my head"?
It dried.
It twisted and died,
And fell from the sky.
There are no sweet words,
When he can't meet your eyes,
And if he does,
You think you may cry,
Or throw up,
Or faint,
Because you're pushed to the brink,
And can't stand to think,
Of that thing.
The one who ruins 16 year old girls,
With promises of marriage,
And happiness,
And love,
Yet does not deliver,
Just tortures,
And twists,
Your mind to fit his,
And slowly warps your soul to his will,
And oh so surely takes morals away,
From even the most convicted ones.
That is what happened to me,
I no longer sit here,
Blushing bright red,
Now I sit in the corner,
Holding my head,
And rocking,
And crying,
And gasping for breath.
That is what happened to blushing bright red,
That's why sweet words don't rush to my head.
He's a pervert, a 27 year old pervert.
1.7k · Jul 2014
Poem For a "Friend"
Victoria Johnson Jul 2014
How could you do this to me?
Time and time again,
I trust you once more,
And I fall for your lies.

You spread your rumors once,
To try and "get me right"
But I did not listen to you,
And kept him in my sights.

You spread your rumors twice,
No more playing nice,
You took your shot at me,
But he's still by my side.

You want what you can't have,
and I have what you don't,
You have thrown your grenades,
But within is just but smoke.

You think scaring me will work,
And you can try if you're so sure,
But I have what you cannot,
And now you're oh-so sore.

You want it for one reason,
And that reason is it's mine,
But I'm okay,
Go on your way,
Without you I feel fine.

Because I have something you don't,
And I'm not trying to get a rise,
Out of you,
Because you have something too,
And that's a toxic mouth of lies.
Ok, so the story behind this is that I made a friend at camp, a guy (I think I'll call him Jimmy here) who was a counselor, and went to the same church as one of the girls (I'll call her Mimi)  in my group of friends. I became close to Jimmy, because he learned my story, and I his, and they were so similar in a way that made us want to stay close to each other. We became accountable to one another, and so I stuck close to him physically and emotionally. Mimi pulled me aside one day, with a couple of my other friends, and they cornered me, and told me that they were going to stage an intervention, to "get me right" and keep me away from Jimmy, because he was a bad person. Had they listened to me, they would've known that everything they told me that he had done, were things I myself had done, that I knew he had done, and I knew we were both ashamed of doing. I didn't listen to them when they started spreading the rumors about his past around the camp, and we remained close throughout the weeks after camp ended. 3 weeks later, camp for the younger kids started, and my "friend" Mimi was a counselor. Now I wasn't a counselor this week, but I had a young dear friend (I'll call her Alison) who was like a baby sister to me, who was in Mimi's cabin as a camper. Now Alison was a shy girl, so she attaches to only a few people who she'll trust with her life. I told her to trust her counselors, Mimi, and another one of my friends who staged the intervention 3 weeks before. Now Mimi had no clue just how close Alison was to me, and did not watch what she said. She started telling all of the girls in her cabin that she liked a guy named Jimmy, and pointed him out to them. She told them that there were nasty rumors spread about him (not mentioning that she had spread the rumors) and that she didn't believe a word of them. She also told the girls that I had spent all of camp holding hands, and sneaking off with Jimmy, but none of it was Jimmy's fault, I had forced himself to, and pushed myself at him out of desperation. At this point my very shy friend Alison defended me, and while picking her up from camp, she let me know what had been going on. I have not, and will not confront this friend, I wrote this poem to try and let it go, although it still stings.
1.5k · May 2014
My Best Friend
Victoria Johnson May 2014
I have a best friend, a sister really,

So I wrote her this poem, it's nothing silly,

If you knew her you'd know,

She's really pretty,

I mean really, abnormally,

But she doesn't believe it,

She asks why doesn't that size fit,

But I wish she could see,

that she is perfect the way she was made to be.
This was written for my friend, who was and sometimes still is struggling with anorexia.
1.5k · May 2014
Limerick for Lymerick
Victoria Johnson May 2014
There once was a man named Lymerick,

And sadly he was very sick,

But he wanted a kiss,

Though his love was amiss,

so he stuck with kissing the broomstick!
I was at camp, and my friend bet me a can of mountain dew that I couldn't write a limerick about a limerick, so I did. I got my mountain dew. (I know it's not a good limerick, but I was 11...)
1.5k · Aug 2014
Glass Half Full?
Victoria Johnson Aug 2014
Is the glass half empty or half full?
Somebody asked me this once,
I turned to them and said,
"What does it matter when the water
that takes up half of the cup,
is *****, stagnant, bitter water?"
I looked through some old facebook messages, and I came across a conversation that went like this.
1.4k · Aug 2014
Aches
Victoria Johnson Aug 2014
His lips on my lips,
And his hands on my hips,
I'd say it was wrong,
But it feels like it fits,
Like it's right,
It feels nice,
And I enjoy him so much.
And he'd be great as my friend,
But he's so perfect to touch.
And I want him,
I crave him,
I think he is fine.
I would tell him so,
But he's not even mine.
Same situation as Stolen Kisses.
1.2k · Nov 2014
Hypothermia
Victoria Johnson Nov 2014
So very cold,
All of the time.
I can't feel my hands,
But that's normal now.
I feel my bones crack,
As I try to move.
The ceaseless shivering,
Has become normal,
And ineffective.
My pale skin has a sheen of blue,
Marred by the line of red,
From my bleeding nose.
And with 3 pained breaths,
I fall to sleep,
And breath no more.
I am literally cold all the time. Even in the summer you won't find me without a blanket or something wrapped around me. I'm so pale, and I lose the feeling in my hands and feet more often than not. The closer to winter it gets, the harder it is to breath, and my nose has bled a few times. I wonder if you can get hypothermia from the inside out, and I'm frozen on the inside?
1.2k · Oct 2014
Foreshock
Victoria Johnson Oct 2014
I let you know,
How I felt tonight,
And you had just 12 words for me.
"How you feel,
Won't stop me,
From being in love,
With her."
And I knew in that moment,
That I had made a mistake,
In loving you.

I should have never cared,
That was the promise we made,
In the beginning, at the start,
When all we were was two people.
With nobody here,
In between,
You and me,
Nothing but us,
Becoming one,
For no reason but loneliness,
And unfettered attraction.

I was warned of this happening,
Because you can't be so close,
Without somebody falling.
And the one who fell was me.
***** to love and be let down.
1.2k · Oct 2014
Thoughts
Victoria Johnson Oct 2014
So I'm a succubus, am I?
I doubt that.
You tell me that you can't resist.
I doubt that.
You tell me you love me.
I doubt that.
If I were a succubus, where's my tail?
Exactly.
If you couldn't resist, why did you leave?
Exactly.
If you loved me, why are you with her?
Exactly.
I'm smarter than you think.
You left.
I know what love is.
You left.
I know what it is to lose control.
You left.
I know how it is to be human.
And You left.
When I get accusatory, this happens. Whoops!
1.2k · May 2014
Moving On
Victoria Johnson May 2014
Is this what it feels like?

How it feels to move on?

I feel like I'm flying,

like this cannot be wrong.


If I fall in love,

Will it feel like betrayal?

My heart sings its song,

And it no longer feels frail.


And I've learned to give up,

On hating the world,

But I still hesitate,

To give it a whirl.


Instead I sit here,

Blushing bright red,

Letting sweet words,

Rush to my head.
1.1k · Apr 2014
Dry Your Eyes
Victoria Johnson Apr 2014
You've broken my heart,

You've made me cry,

I should be bitter (Shouldn't I?)

But I'm still alive,

And I've realized,

You'll never be less,

In my eyes.



When you ask,

Why you're still alive,

I'll answer with,

"Because you shouldn't die"



You'll change your ways,

But not for long,

I'll ask you why,

and you'll ramble on,

about how you feel,

and with a tear in my eye,

I'll say,

"Enough! Please!

Don't make me cry!"



You'll try to change,

Yet once again,

But you'll grab that bin,

Wanting to be thin,

You'll cry out,

Ana wins.



I'll come back,

I won't give up hope,

I know somehow,

Maybe, you'll cope,

Maybe, someday, you'll make it through,

Because I can't, without you.



I know you still have it,

That urge,

To grab the blade,

I know it's a feeling,

You'll never evade.



But if I could tell you one thing,

Dear,

It would be,

Do not fear.

The Lord will help you,

And so will I,

So do not cry,

Dry your eyes.
This was written for my best friend, who is struggling with anorexia (Ana) and suicidal thoughts.
1.0k · Dec 2014
Stronger
Victoria Johnson Dec 2014
Here I stand shocked,
I forgot your birthday,
I thought the day wouldn't come,
That I went without thinking of you,
That my life wouldn't revolve,
Around you.

I've grown just so much,
That I don't rely on you,
To make my choices for me,
To control what I say or do.

I am alive and I am me,
And nothing you have done,
Could have changed my core,
My essence, my very being.
I am not yours.

I am happy now,
And finally free,
From your grasp,
From the grip you had on me.

Thank you,
For teaching me how to love,
And thank you,
For teaching me to move on.
To Nick. The best first boyfriend a girl could have asked for, one that would inadvertently teach her to not put up with someone obsessed with controlling her. For being loving despite everything I didn't know. I can't believe you're 20, and I forgot.
987 · May 2014
Mirror World
Victoria Johnson May 2014
I write about my pain and my sorrow,
and I try not to think,
about any bliss or happiness I may feel inside.

I fill myself with hate and despair,
I dwell upon the dark,
and not let any light shine in.

I do not let myself know love nor hope,
for I cannot let myself feel,
in this backwards, mirror world.
I dunno, watched Catching Fire again, and couldn't help but write dark things.
975 · Apr 2014
Dancing in the Street
Victoria Johnson Apr 2014
I want the joy that would let me dance in the street,

The heart that would let me do so with no care,

The innocence that allows me undignified naivete,

The soul for worship without a second thought.

I long for the dance,

The beauty of worship before our Creator.
Because not all my stuff is morbid. This is how I feel. I want to worship with all my heart.
955 · Sep 2014
Tribute
Victoria Johnson Sep 2014
"Oh the humanity"
The words of tragedy,
Repeated throughout,
American history.

"Oh the humanity"
The terror among us,
The flames that rise,
A burning mess.

"Oh the humanity"
When humanity is,
The biggest problem,
and the deepest pain.

"Oh the humanity"
Don't you know,
That we the people,
Will rise again.
9-11 here already. 13 years. The children born in 2001 are teenagers, who may not even understand just how terrifying it was for families, and how devastating it was for the loved ones. I used the line "Oh the humanity" which was in a newscast when the Hindenburg exploded, because it seemed fitting. This is humanity, and I wish we could stop it.
902 · Dec 2015
The Fox and the Raven
Victoria Johnson Dec 2015
The gorgeous Fox mesmerizes me,
I watch him perform for me,
Sing for me,
Play for me,
Call me out by name.

"Little Bird" He cries,
"Don't leave me,
Let the sun hit your feathers,
So you may light up,
In brilliant hues,
Of gorgeous greens,
And blues."

"Little Bird" He croons,
"Be mine, be my dark,
Beautiful raven,
And never let me go.
Be my songbird,
And sing only for me,
Because I care about you."

And I bathe in the attention of my Fox,
I let myself fall for him,
I listen to him,
I care for him,
And as I open my beak to sing,
I drop the bread from within my mouth,
Which he catches in his teeth,
And flees,
Leaving his Little Bird,
To cry in shame for what she's done.
Written for a man I called my Fox once in reference to the Aesop's Fable about the fox and the raven. He called me "Little Bird" after I compared myself to a raven once, so I found the fable fitting both then and now, though for different reasons. I still miss him, and although we can remain friends, that doesn't mean I get my bread back :/
883 · Jul 2014
Me
Victoria Johnson Jul 2014
Me
I do something strange,
If only for the attention,
Good or bad, it doesn't matter,
I just want to be noticed.

Shave half my head,
Just to draw eyes,
Tattoo my skin,
For a story to tell,
Walk with my chin up,
To make it look as though,
Maybe, I'm fine.

But being third has its perks,
Because nobody ever expects,
The shadow to fall away,
And reveal something so strong,
As dangerous as me,
As my unbridled flame.
829 · May 2014
You Are
Victoria Johnson May 2014
You are something newly discovered,
rare and beautiful to me.
You are my waking and sleeping thought,
and most of the ones in between.
You are a puzzle,
a question with answers undiscovered.
You are a song,
constantly rising on my lips,
You are a melody,
my heart aligns its rhythm to.
You are you,
and you are perfect for me.
I did it! I moved on!
781 · Nov 2014
Remain Strong
Victoria Johnson Nov 2014
To those people who think that I,
That I just want somebody to love me,
That I just want the attention,
That I didn't care about him at all,
You were wrong.

Love scares me,
Closeness scares me,
And no matter how nice you are,
You scare me.

I don't care if you're in love with me,
Because I don't believe you.
I don't care if all you've ever wanted is me,
Because I can't care for you.

If I were to love you,
I could lose you,
If I were to care,
You could leave.

You scare me,
But not so much you,
As the power you could hold over me.
Don't push me into something. You try to get close to me, and every step closer you take, I'm going to take 5 away.
754 · Oct 2014
Trip
Victoria Johnson Oct 2014
I fell once again today,
I watched as my hands bled,
I stared and watched,
As the red lines ran free.

I fell.
With ribs so bruised,
That every breath was pain,
My heart irregular,
And tears on my face.

I fell.
My feelings are hurt,
By the words you said to me,
I craved your heart,
And you just broke mine.

I fell.
I did what I shouldn't,
And now we both feel bad,
I loved you much,
And you loved her more.

I fell.
What can we expect,
From the ever-dizzy girl?
I fell for you,
And you let me fall.
Yet again. Ever be with a guy who the second he finishes with you, picks up the phone, calls his girlfriend, and sets up a date while you're still there? *****.
745 · Nov 2014
Words
Victoria Johnson Nov 2014
Mmm,
That word feels so good in my mouth.
You know the one,
Starts with an F,
and ends with You.

I just let it roll off my tongue,
I have let it do so,
Since before the pain,
And since last June.

The meaning changes with every thought,
I went from I'll F You,
To just F You,
Whenever I was caught.

It's just so satisfying on my tongue,
Do you even know,
What I went through,
All because of you?

Who knew these words would help so much?
More than the lock-down,
The intervention,
Or the therapy, I might add.

I went through just oh so much,
With threats of lockups,
On top of lock-downs,
And the reality of solitude.

The madness and pain will never end.
With hot breath,
Still on my neck,
And glares still shot my way.

The jokes that started then, still go on,
About little ****** Tor,
Stealing the hearts of older men,
Hoping she can score.

The feelings for me are always mixed,
Between good or bad,
I'm sure that youth leader loved,
Having a fall-back plan.

You see, my life's a living hell, maybe even for good,
So here I am,
****** Tor,
The **** of everyone's joke.
Don't you understand what I've been through?? What I'm still going through??

I've been put on lock-down since June, watched every second of every day, threatened to be put in a residential treatment facility to get you out of my head, and I almost begged for it, because it sounded like heaven to be away from my family, despite what I'd be going through there. I was put in counseling, and watched every second of every day, with my brother literally breathing down my neck. I was guarded every time I entered the store, literally flanked on every side, to keep you and me apart. Even now, my best friends have nick-named me ****** like from Nabokov, and half my youth leaders avoid me, the other half... Well, don't. I'm ******* up and I'm a punchline. I highly doubt you can say that.

Part of me hopes you never read this, actually, most of me hopes that. But I just needed to write what I felt.
729 · May 2014
Naivete
Victoria Johnson May 2014
I should have known it wouldn't last,

And alas, our time has passed,

I was good and submissive,

But you were dismissive,

And I don't know what I can do.



You liked me, adored me,

You though I was sweet.

But today, you called me,

And said you could see,

We were not meant to be,

Because of what we believe.



I know I'm so young,

And sweet, and naive,

I know it's crazy,

But I believe,

That age doesn't matter,

not to me.



But I guess I should see,

Only friends we will be,

But these Tim Eyes will always remain.
Just got my heart broke, *again*
717 · May 2014
Self Hatred
Victoria Johnson May 2014
**** you, loose woman,

**** you, ***** *****,

Whose thoughts hold no weight,

Except concern for your next score.



**** the body which craves so much,

**** the heart which will not love,

Yet masks itself so well,

In a heartbreak masquerade.



**** the thoughts that ****,

**** the tongue that is not held,

No matter how hard you try,

It will never connect to your mind.



**** the pain that stabs,

**** the strongest feelings,

Because despite how hard you try,

You'll never be good enough anymore.



**** that boy,

**** what he did,

None of it should matter to you anymore,

Because you're nothing but a *****.



**** the skin so soft,

**** the eyes so smoky,

That he cannot even help,

But to touch you all the time.



**** your curved sweet spine,

**** your long smooth legs,

That he can't control himself,

That he has to take you in your sleep.



**** the childish innocence,

**** the sweet naivete,

That you trusted him,

That you couldn't stop him.



**** the pain inside,

**** the hate you feel for him,

When it was all your fault,

Yet there was nothing you could do.



**** the world,

**** it all,

When there's nothing you can do,

Yet all you do is fall.
Sorry for the swearing, I don't swear, it's really weird for me to swear.
699 · Aug 2014
Stolen Kisses
Victoria Johnson Aug 2014
I receive kisses from the one I care about,
But they're stolen from his girlfriend's mouth,
I know he cares about me too,
But honestly, I don't know what to do.
It feels so wrong to let him go on,
But I don't want him to quit,
Because I sorely long for it,
That feeling I'm sure his girlfriend gets,
When he's making sure her needs are met,
And his lips make all her worries disappear,
And his hands curl around her waist,
Pulling her close so she feels safe,
I suppose that's what she feels,
I know it's how I'd feel,
If he were mine.
But he's not,
So when his lips meet mine,
As we say goodbye,
And his hands grab my hips,
Just to keep me steady,
I just get a glimpse of what I think she feels,
What I would feel,
If he were mine all the time.
One of my best friends (who I used to have an unattached slightly physical relationship with) has started dating his ex, but me and him still hang out as friends, which sometimes leaves me slightly discouraged.
676 · Apr 2014
Musings of a Broken Heart
Victoria Johnson Apr 2014
If Love shows itself through golden rings,

and if I love you, my heart will sing,

but if it doesn't,

then I do not,

and if I don't,

does Death come for me?

I hear Death swoops in on deep black wings,

and if I wish for the peace death brings,

will there be peace, or will it sting?
Victoria Johnson Jul 2014
I breathe in your scent,
Rich like freshly ground coffee,
And my skin against yours,
In a sweet embrace,
Of friendship turned more,
And my pale skin,
Against your darker tone.

We are what people want,
We are supposed perfection,
But what happens behind closed doors,
Is not what's expected.
One cares for the other,
And one cares for what's offered.

We dance a dance,
Where one is pleasing,
And one is pleased,
But neither one is satisfied.

The dance continues,
Where one is giving,
And one is taking,
And the giver is about to wither.

The dance will end,
When one is dying,
And can offer no more,
To the one who takes,
And when the dying one is empty,
The living one shall leave.

So tell me now,
Is this really what you want?
We may be beautiful,
But inside we're just as fake,
As those Styrofoam cakes,
You find on display,
Because that's what we are,
A display.
657 · Nov 2014
Freefall
Victoria Johnson Nov 2014
What is it like?
That moment of freefall,
When you're the one who jumped?

Do you dread the end?
Have second thoughts?
Or are you just content?

Do you feel peace?
Or like you have wings?
Or has control been ripped away?

Suicide is not a beautiful thing,
But do you feel beautiful in that moment,
When it's just you, the air, and God?

Do you feel like an angel in that moment?
Or does the reality hit you too soon,
That the thing you did to gain control,
Is not in your control after all?

Because you are but a human,
Just one of many,
And entirely unique.

But one thing we have in common,
Or rather, don't have,
Is control.
627 · May 2014
Janus Coin
Victoria Johnson May 2014
Beware of the fire.
It burns,
It ravages,
It kills.

Beware of the smoke.
It stings,
It suffocates,
It kills.

Beware of the water.
It drowns,
It pushes,
It kills.

Invite the fire.
It warms,
It brightens,
It brings life.

Invite the smoke.
It alerts,
It saves,
It brings life.

Invite the water.
It cools,
It quenches thirst,
It brings life.
626 · Oct 2014
Dance With Me
Victoria Johnson Oct 2014
My eyes meet yours,
And the music in my mind,
Reaches its crescendo,
As I make my way towards you.

We danced all night,
With names unknown,
Just the pure bliss,
Of being in your arms.

I lost sight of you,
In the confusion of the night's end,
I know not your name,
Nor you, mine.

But the thoughts of me,
Folded in your arms,
Shall never leave me,
So remember me as I remember you.
"Remember Me," by Two Steps from Hell  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DWno4j7pSg is my inspiration for this, as well as what I'm going through.
623 · May 2014
Lost But Not Forever
Victoria Johnson May 2014
Love is lost, but not forever,

Because when I feel alone and hurt,

I just remember our time together,

And my life I reassert.
My healing poem
577 · Jul 2014
Teach Me
Victoria Johnson Jul 2014
Teach me to waltz,
Dance with me,
Take me to the ends of the earth,
Teach me to love.

Teach me the ballet,
Dance with me,
Show me the world,
Teach me to care.

Teach me to salsa,
Dance with me,
Set my passion alight,
Teach me to stay.
573 · Nov 2014
Foolish Mistake
Victoria Johnson Nov 2014
I'm never sure I love you,
Until the moment I have to be without,
The moment you can't handle me.
The moment that I realize that what I did,
Is killing you.

Please know I love you,
Even in the moment I've gone without,
That moment you can no longer handle me,
That moment when you can't pretend that what I did,
Isn't killing you.

How could you care so much for me?
When I do this again and again?
When I've degraded myself to the point,
That I am nothing but garbage?

I love you,
And nothing I say is an excuse.
Nothing I say should be.
I care so much about you,
And I don't know how you could forgive me.
I wouldn't blame you if you couldn't.
I can't.

I can't forgive myself.
I led someone on without meaning to,
And I let what was precious to me,
Be stolen once again.

The burden on my shoulders,
Grows heavier with every step I take.
The knowledge that even you couldn't stay,
That you couldn't handle this,
That I love you.
I love you,
I love you,
I love you.
Please don't go.
568 · Dec 2014
Truth Be Told
Victoria Johnson Dec 2014
You tell me the truth,
That what made you fall for me,
Was me.
Was that I listen,
To you,
Not that I'm willing to shed,
My clothes,
And every shred of self respect,
With them.

You tell me the truth,
That all you needed was my ear,
And my voice,
Not my naked form, my chest,
Against yours,
Not my lips on your lips or my tongue,
In your mouth.

But even now you call,
And I listen,
So won't you tell me the truth?
Do you,
Want me to stop or not?
Are you,
Over me, or aren't you?
Will you,
Keep me in limbo forever?
Because now,
My back will surely break.
549 · Oct 2014
Step
Victoria Johnson Oct 2014
How do I move on from this?
What's the next step?
There are tear stains on my laptop,
Left over from your words.

I want to move on from this,
Is there even a next step?
There are scars on my heart,
Left over from your words.

I have to move on from this,
What's my next step?
I trashed my room in the rage,
Left over from your words.

I'm going to move on from this,
I need to take the next step.
I will distance myself from the pain,
Left over from your words.

I am moving on from this,
I am taking the next step,
And the next,
And yet one more,
Until I am far far away from the holes,
Left over from your words.
I will rise above, and I will overcome.
525 · May 2014
Secret
Victoria Johnson May 2014
You know how hard it is?
To pass right by you,
And pretend I don't care,
Pretend I don't have a clue,
How you feel,
How I feel.

To walk past you,
And long for you,
To just grab me,
And hold me,
And not let the want show?

Do you have any idea,
That I can feel your essence,
That I come close,
And I am so aware of you,
And of your perfect body?

That location means nothing to me,
I can be a mile away,
And feel the cord that binds us,
Telling me exactly where you are.

That I can see the arrows,
Pointing me to you,
Showing the way,
Revealing you to me?

That I follow your trail,
And watch you,
Closely but from afar,
Like a little lost puppy dog?

But I cannot do anything,
Cannot say anything,
But despite my quietness,
Know that I love you.
For my (only somewhat) secret love <3
501 · Sep 2014
My Plea to You
Victoria Johnson Sep 2014
Please. You did it again,
The more you touch me,
The more you can see,
That She is all you desire.

Please. Don't do this again,
I don't mean to offend,
But the message you send,
It is messing with my head.

Please. Why kiss me again,
My head's full of you,
With no clue what to do,
My delirium is all yours.
The same guy from Homewrecker's Repent, Stolen Kisses, Among the Stacks, and the like. He visited me, and we ended up kissing.
500 · Oct 2014
On Hands and Knees Here
Victoria Johnson Oct 2014
I know you'll never see this,
But I just wanted you to know,
That even if you believe,
That she is all you need,
I need you.

I tried to let you know,
So long ago,
Before she was even back,
Taking you from me.
I love you.

You said you cared for me,
But if you did, why'd you leave?
No goodbye this time,
Because you pretend you're still here.
I miss you.

All I want is to be with you,
To care for you,
To let you in.
I want to make you happy.

But you cut me down,
You don't want me,
No matter how much I,
Bend to you.
I'm nothing.
I miss him so much.
482 · Jul 2014
Chance
Victoria Johnson Jul 2014
I just bared my heart to you,
With a twisting, wrenching feeling,
And I don't want you to know,
Your rejection would send me reeling.

But you surprised me,
In a sweet and heartfelt way,
And I feel so overwhelmed,
By the kind things you had to say.
I showed it because I cared, but honestly I was scared.
471 · Nov 2014
Fears.
Victoria Johnson Nov 2014
I am afraid.
Of you,
Or more realistically,
Your power over me.
I am afraid of intimacy,
Well, I was,
Until you coerced me,
My first kiss,
Stolen from my lips.
The feeling of your fingertips,
Tracing my every curve,
Or lack thereof,
I was but a child you know.
Little by little,
My fears slipped away,
As you held me,
And told me you'd love me,
You'd marry me someday,
That I would always be safe.
Then you grew up.
I was afraid,
And now,
Now I am terrified.
Written for my first ex.
468 · Sep 2014
Spiritual Warfare
Victoria Johnson Sep 2014
I struggle.
The battle within me rages,
Each side fighting for control,
The Darkness has temptations,
But the Light will make me whole.

I never know whom to trust,
Which side of me they'll see,
Oh the Darkness has temptations,
But it'll be the death of me.

I live my life as if for the Dark,
But try my best to cling to Light,
Oh the Darkness has temptations,
But I want to do what's right.

I have learned to follow Light,
And I'm smart enough to know,
Tho' Darkness has temptations,
The Light is what I shall sow.
There is a battle going on for me, and many teens nowadays' souls. I struggle to follow the Lord in what I do, but it is hard.
466 · Apr 2014
Feelings
Victoria Johnson Apr 2014
The hope that flows within,

it is growing weak,

I feel the pain within,

It is all I seek.



The love that flowers inside,

The petals fall and die,

Instead a thornbush grows,

And I am pierced from the lies.



The heart that once beat strong,

Is dying softly down,

Its beat is strange and wrong,

and tortured is its song.
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