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May 21 · 72
Untitled #33
(PHASE -1)
"Into the chaos I pummel, as the time gets tough,
The responsibilities I bore now bigger than my ego,
And I getting crushed under both.

Trying to breathe in,
Big gasps coming back empty,
No support or help...
Support being a fantasy as everyone's in the same boat.

"My flaws", mock me as it pushes me deeper,
Cutting me off from everyone I hold dear.
The more I try to fix things, the worse it gets,
Like a devil toying with my helplessness..."

(PHASE-2)
"No salvation, no outlet,
Like bubbles filled with intensely compressed agony...
I try to blow them away before they cloud my judgement,
Alas a bit too late, for the damage has been done,
The words that slipped down my tongue
have already struck like lightening,
Now there's no one remaining..."

(PHASE-3)
"Now that the bubbles have left,
I see them shine in reflection of the devil's eyes,
Oh, have Mercy! I have nothing left,
Just guilt, remorse, increasing ever so severely.
But like a child, the devil pops these bubbles
compressed with agony,
While I watch from a distance,
The chaos whispers: "It's only the beginning"... ~
Posting a poem after a very long time. I haven't gotten any time due to so many things going on, not just for me but for everyone, plus I guess the fact that I can't write until it's too depressing for me and I need an outlet. So I knew when my brain was too scrambled and I needed to write a poem just to keep sane. It's quite heartwarming that I always turn to poetry at the end of the day even if it's been ages since I picked up the pen again to write one.
Feb 2020 · 78
Untitled #28
Outcast Dreamer Feb 2020
And tell me...
where should I take all this pain,
This depression that makes me
Not even feel a dime's worth.

Should I pour it in form of love?
To expect few cents of the same from the other?
Because I know how horrid it feels,
To drift aimlessly in vain...

It's not like I haven't done that before,
But it's something that has left me more torn than healed,
The expectations and promises from both sides
Weighing down on my turbid brain
Thoughts that remain unsinkable in the name of comprise and hope,
That everything will be alright one fine day.
The dismay to pay for everything in exchange of one love,
Be it friendship, the comfort when things fall apart.
Should I really turn my pain in the form of love?
For love is the pain worthwhile to feel,
But I am already full of cracks through which even if love pours,
All I feel is doubts, uncertainty and dismay.

Should I pour it in the form of friendship?
For I have encountered snakes more than I count,
If everyone is scared of the same pain why do they bother inflicting the same on others?
Mistakes are the definition of our imperfections,
Why do they forget the good times when things turn dire
and neglect our inner conscience?

Should I pour it zealously in my work?
Burn my pain with passion for fuel?
Been there, done that.
It's a matter of time before the burnout,
And that's when the pain intensifies multifolds.
Hopelessness never felt so bottomless.

So tell me...
Where shall I pour this pain?
For I can't make peace with it,
Life has never been that easy to begin with ~
Mar 2019 · 456
Untitled #10
Outcast Dreamer Mar 2019
Might I be a bit too cold-hearted right now,
maybe a bit confused, lost and wandering...
I mean, decadence is definitely not easy,
face after face changes, nothing is still.

Who am I? Who are you?
I don't know and I don't care,
maybe I do, but it's inaudible...

Drifting, falling, drowning, fading,
waning, losing, slipping, laughing...?

I don't make sense,
I mean, I tried, but it all falls apart...

The chaos in my veins,
Rings loud in my ears,
Sinks numb into my brain,
Wrecks my heart with fear.

Too silent, too loud...
There's nothing that I can visualize.
Me? Who I am?
You? Who are you?
Place? To call home? My own??

Escape?
Who's the one that laughs so near?

©outcastdreamer
2016 was last when  I posted, but not the last when I wrote.
2019 has been a ****** start. Maybe that's why I am back.
Why did I ever leave?
*sigh*
Dec 2016 · 854
Untitled #9 (Haiku)
Outcast Dreamer Dec 2016
"Maybe all we need
is a touch of reason through
all our dreams and pain" ~

©outcast_dreamer
A reason to keep chasing our dreams and a stronger reason to not give up on them :3
...............
My first Haiku! ♥
Dec 2016 · 700
Untitled #8
Outcast Dreamer Dec 2016
"If love exists...
Is there a point of true love existing ?"  ~
If 'you' exist...
Is there a point of "true" you existing?  
..........
For couples who say -  "It's true love!" ♥
Love is more than enough ~
It's pure and true in its own essence
..........
Nov 2016 · 617
Untitled #7
Outcast Dreamer Nov 2016
"One fine morning,
                                      As usual Mary went for jog,
                   and while returning home, she checked the letter box,
                     Besides the usual bills, advertisements and offers
             There lay this ominous letter in black and crimson color...
                                                and of course,
             curiosity got better of her and she was ripping of the edges

                                    and on scanning the contents  
                                       she gave out a shrill cry...
                                          her fingers trembling
                                         her forehead sweating...
                                      
                                         It was a suicide letter!!
                                      A letter with news of death
                                            A letter from a man
                                                 who wrote this
                                         before his few last breaths...

                                       Slowly she read each word..
                             each one of them echoing in her head..
                                       the letter went as follows-

Dear Jane,
I love you a lot,
and I know you will be in shock and pain,
but I couldn't handle it anymore,
I found my answers in the dark,
I found solace in enternal bliss,
I just want you to stay strong,
and fulfill my last wish,
so lend me your attention, woman,
Do  you remember that old paino we have in the attic?,
I want you to gift that to my small sister,
Lily is naive and she would miss me and won't find any thing
To call her own anymore,
Give her this paino so that she may hold it dear to her heart,
If you don't do this for me,
then I am afraid my soul wouldn't rest,
and in a fortnight I would be chasing you as a ghoul,
you will always be my girl,
Love,
          Peter

                             Mary read and re-read again and again,
                             then she finally gave a sigh of relief,
                   and picked up her phone and went to do laundries,
                                                     You see,
                        the letter had reached the wrong destination.
                                               (what a irony)"
Tee hee!~
Oct 2016 · 679
She ♡
Outcast Dreamer Oct 2016
"* *Her eyes...
Realms of Illusions...
Sometimes blue, envy of the morning hue,
Sometimes green, reflecting the amazon's kin.

Her lips...
A sin to desire, to dwell, even if heaven forbid...
Her Lips..
An arc of smile that shuns off all ominous winds...

Her laughter...
Like the music of the divine...
An appetizer to my hungry soul.

Her hair,
Craving to let loose,
to break free and dance to the wind's flute...
Her Hair...
Golden strands sneaking over her bare shoulders,
giving way to run my finger's through...

Her Body,
Oh.. A sight of delight!
To see them bare.... my birth right~
Her Body...
A maze of hideous curves,
Pray to be lost in it with or without lust!

Her Skin...
Pale as the winter snow,
To touch?.... To perish and sizzle...

Her Name...
My salvation, my prayer,
my inspiration and strength...

Her Imperfections...
Some of them I connect with,
Some of them to tease her with~

Her Love...
My Sanity...
The force that brings my pieces to Integrity **~"
Jun 2016 · 539
Untitled #6
Outcast Dreamer Jun 2016
"... And Love is a sweet poison...
Like a drug it consumes us...
Those who don't have it...
Crave for it...
Those who have it...
Fear of it's loss...
And those who lose it..
...
.
.
.
.
.

Go Berserk"
Some poems are better written in just one go, in the spur of the moment
Jan 2016 · 376
Untitled #5
Outcast Dreamer Jan 2016
"* I am just a lost echo,
Finding my origin,
Among this noise...  *
"
To BE  in a place where I belong...  is what I ask 2016 to give me.
To FIND my origin, my escape. ..  is my new year resolution to be.
Outcast Dreamer Sep 2015
"* I met her two years back in a park,
I swear it was she, who approached me first!
Don't know if it was an excuse or coincidence,
We were sitting opposite,
She basking in the sun, reading for fun...
I too reading... but with a seriousness too deep to notice nature...

Then she suddenly approaches me and says,
Hey!!* You are reading the same book as me,
I glanced up in surprise (or was it 'awe'?)...
and notice her holding up the same book,
Paulo Coelho's 11 minutes...
and I smiled but before I could say anything,
she squeaked, "Guess even you like books with **** things",
and I finally finding my senses, exclaimed...
"It's a Coelho Classic. **** things are better in real"
We became friends and met now and then,
but to cut things short...

One year later,
It was few days shy of august,
We were holding hands,
walking around the plaza,
when she suddenly drags me into a dark corner,
looks me into the eye
and then breaks into a tight hug,
She leaves me surprised with an intense kiss,
my mind dizzy, and we let go of eachother
as the city lights become dim...

Two years later,
I thought nothing could go wrong,
I was married to her and was working in a top post,
but destiny had thought something else for me,
I didn't know how things ended up like this...

I was on my knees,
and there were hundreds people running opposite of me,
Red and blue lights discoed in front of my eyes,
Sirens and announcements filled up my mind,
Only men dressed in black and blue came towards me,
They had shields and protective gears,
they had formed a circle around me.

My girl was crying about 300 meters away,
held up by these dressed men,
crying for me I guess.
I noticed that I was all wired up in a mess,
a machine tied to me ticking,
and I only sweating...

Two men with a toolbox ran towards me,
they were observing my torso,
No, maybe that ticking machine...

And all I could do was look at my crying girl,
and wonder if she would...
if she would, for the last time,
Hold me tightly... "

     -  © OutcastDreamer
This poem has been inspired from a newspaper article...  Which has been altered by my imagination...
Few want to see all this red blood spill while most of us, write poems with blue ink.
Sep 2015 · 730
ARE YOU LISTENING??
Outcast Dreamer Sep 2015
.....................

" Soothe your burning soul...
Maybe talk to it, and hear it groan...
Are you listening with your second mind ON ??
It's whispering...

Are you in sync with your soul,
or is it tearing itself apart from you??
Do you see it getting anxious?
Trying to escape every moment?

Can you dare to ask it what's the problem
and be ready to face disappointment,
if silence is all you get in return??
Don't you understand it talks only in silence?
and now it has broken even that...
Are you listening hard enough?
It's whispering...

What do you see when you look into the mirror?
Do you see at times that your soul has taken place of your reflection?
What do you see.. in the mirror???
Do you see the puny devils, sitting on both sides of your shoulders?
Do you notice your poor angel's body hanging itself by braided ropes...
Ropes that are tied to your neck?

Do you see a morbid satisfaction on the dead angel's face...
and your soul looking at you with mocking gaze?
Do you hear your soul now?
It's whispering...!

Hush, Now!!!
My soul is asleep,
I have fed it with few lies...
Shown it a new possibility and adorned a new mask...

Hush, Now!!!
My soul is asleep,
With content etched over it's face,
And now I looking at it,
with mocking gaze!!

Ssshh!!!
I am not a freak!!
I am not creepy at all...
I have just heard my soul,
but alas a bit too late,
I heard it when it was crying!!

Do you feel your soul, yet?
It's trying to contact you!
In the darkness, through the mirrors...
In the silence, through the nightmares...

Do you feel it?
It's getting anxious...
It's trying to contact you,
Are you listening hard enough??


Alas...
It's Screaming... "

  © OutcastDreamer
..........

Something so dark and mysterious... that you would be tempted to find out it's secret... but would your dare??
Aug 2015 · 1.3k
Untitled #4
Outcast Dreamer Aug 2015
"* Sometimes I wonder,
Why we humans drool over petty things,
Live in this world...
without knowing the cause of our own existence,
without knowing the roles that we adorn?  

I remember feeding an amusing thought of mine
as I was going to sleep,
laying on my bed and observing the ceiling fan...

What if the world we live in really doesn't exist,
what if we all are just an imagination,
just a thought
In the god's mind?

Maybe when he forgets one of us,
the curtain of life falls
and than we say that the person has demised??

Maybe when the so called*  Judgement Day...
shall falleth upon us,
all the good souls shall be given birth,
from god's imaginative world,
into a new Utopian world...
and all the remaining ones,
shall  be nothing more,
than lost memories...


Indeed a scary thought of mine,
but it certainly fed my curiosity "

         © OutcastDreamer
An atheist's or Believer's point of view ??? Up to you to answer that.
Certainly it requires more revising, but I really didn't have the energy.
Thought provoking indeed.
Wanted to try something else except broken heart poems for a change.

Inspired from the book "Sophie's World"
Jul 2015 · 872
Thanks Dad
Outcast Dreamer Jul 2015
// Not really a poem, just sharing my experience, I guess //

I really don't know,
How my dad found out about my poems,
Maybe he went through my files
and read most of the collections...

Going through my stuff is
something he has never done before,
but on reading my poems,
He said to me,
' To many broken-heart poems,
saying the same thing,
about the same person,
How long do you plan to
be this way, lost and messed up??
'
and I said to him,
' Dad you wouldn't understand '
Well he left me with that,
and he went to office and I to school,
but later in the evening,
he held out a box,
It contained a watch,
The brand name was Fastrack,
and the tagline went as, Move-On!...

I  made a poker face
and told him,
' I see what you did there dad...
your puns are more killer than my poems...
  '
and he told me,
' Your poems are pieces of ****.
you are still young
'
And I said again,
' You wouldn't understand, Dad...
Don't call them pieces of ****
'
and then he interrupted me,
saying ' When I was your age....
and I won't tell what happened next,
just that with that classic line,
came in more puns...
but in the end, he told me -
" You are not the only one who has gone through all this **** "
and with an expression I would call rather weird,
he exclaimed...,
" Her lips tasted of wine,
and soft hazel were her eyes...
"
but I interrupted him in between,
and went shouting,
" Mom, Mom!!!.... "
and he behind me,
screaming,
" Wait, You Hypocrite !! "
Thanks a lot dad! Well, one thing I have come to conclude after this incident is that amateur poetry runs in the family blood xD
Jul 2015 · 688
Forever Untitled
Outcast Dreamer Jul 2015
"* I have a guilt in my heart,
That weighs a ton...
A guilt for a crime,
That I have never done...

I am free from the promise that I made to you,
Not like you were the one to keep yours too…

I am repenting for the sins,
That have stained my soul…
Cleaning them by my hope,
But failing so badly in the end,
That I didn't bother to try again…

I wrote a book on you,
Conserving each memory of us,
Within each page…
But then I left the book in the rain,
To watch its ink go down the drain...

But feeling uneasy still,
I burned the book...
And watched each page turn brittle,
Diminish into ashes...
Ashes, Darker than any secret we held...

Feeling unsatisfied still…
I buried the ashes in barren land...
And with it ended the story that we shared…

But in the place where lay the ashes...
There surprisingly grew...
A Flower so beautiful...
That it alone… seemed to rival…
The *god's garden... of Eden
  "

                            ©  OutcastDreamer
Jul 2015 · 717
Funny
Outcast Dreamer Jul 2015
"* Funny how somethings
however different we are
happens with each one of us,
all the time...
  
Like,
How we can be happy and sad together at one time...

Like,
How we all anxiously wait,
Staring at the notification button
to show a new like, a new follower, a new comment

Like,
How we judge as poets,
that, '
Oh, This guy is a newbie,
'Spare me the broken hearts,
'No, this poem isn't my type',
And the worst -
Are you kidding me, this poem is so plain!!
No rhymes no metaphors, did I waste my time reading this?
What a pain!!

Funny,
How we forget as poets,
That the sole reason we became poets,
was because of this itch in our hands...
that arose from our experience,
our past, our conscience
That tempted us to explore our demons

Funny,
How we forget as poets,
that even if someone doesn't have a writing charm,
the whole reason they write anyway,
Is to keep themselves sane

The romantics, the broken-hearts, the amateurs, the no class
Don't worry I shall welcome your poem,
Because I am a poet, a poet like you
A poet writing to feed his demon
A poet writing to keep sane *
"
Jul 2015 · 656
Untitled #3
Outcast Dreamer Jul 2015
"* And, I saw the Devil,
Staring back at me,
When I looked into the mirror...

But found the Angel,
Staring back at me,
When I looked into her eyes *
"
Jul 2015 · 1.1k
Random Pair of Words
Outcast Dreamer Jul 2015
// Just wanted to try a new style of writing. Read Slow (makes it more enjoyable..I guess) //

" Underwater ****,
Internally Torn...

Rotten Mind,
Memories Left Behind...

***** Heart,
New..... Start??

Days Roll,
Screaming Soul...

Slow Burn,
Intense Yearn...

Her Name???
Forgotten Lanes...

Her Eyes,
Beautiful Lies...

A Living Reverie,
Eclipsed By Tragedy...

An Incomplete Story,
Spouting Irony...

Fourth of April,
An Angel's Betrayal...

Right Word???
Eternal Search...

Last Time???
.
.
No Rhyme... **"
Few pairs like "Underwater ****" or "Fourth of April" won't make sense as they are personal, but then it's better if few things never make sense anyway.
Jul 2015 · 478
Untitled #2
Outcast Dreamer Jul 2015
"* And the devil in Aphrodite's Mind,
Gave birth to a masterpiece,
A *Woman

To lust...
A man's mind**"
Jul 2015 · 2.0k
Untitled #1
Outcast Dreamer Jul 2015
"And why is that,
we notice the  stars... glittering,
in the night sky...
and try to join the dots...
but why is it...
we never notice
that... Without the Dark...
We did never see the stars??"
Jul 2015 · 1.6k
Shadow
Outcast Dreamer Jul 2015
"Smile to your shadow,
It won't smile back...
Say something to it,
It won't reply back...

It won't ever say anything to you,
Yet, It will always follow you (Like a fool)...
When the times are good,
When the times are bad...
Ever felt such a belonging?
No you didn't!
Bet your Shadow did.
"

(Let me be your
Shadow**)

— The End —