(PHASE -1)
"Into the chaos I pummel, as the time gets tough,
The responsibilities I bore now bigger than my ego,
And I getting crushed under both.

Trying to breathe in,
Big gasps coming back empty,
No support or help...
Support being a fantasy as everyone's in the same boat.

"My flaws", mock me as it pushes me deeper,
Cutting me off from everyone I hold dear.
The more I try to fix things, the worse it gets,
Like a devil toying with my helplessness..."

(PHASE-2)
"No salvation, no outlet,
Like bubbles filled with intensely compressed agony...
I try to blow them away before they cloud my judgement,
Alas a bit too late, for the damage has been done,
The words that slipped down my tongue
have already struck like lightening,
Now there's no one remaining..."

(PHASE-3)
"Now that the bubbles have left,
I see them shine in reflection of the devil's eyes,
Oh, have Mercy! I have nothing left,
Just guilt, remorse, increasing ever so severely.
But like a child, the devil pops these bubbles
compressed with agony,
While I watch from a distance,
The chaos whispers: "It's only the beginning"... ~

And tell me...
where should I take all this pain,
This depression that makes me
Not even feel a dime's worth.

Should I pour it in form of love?
To expect few cents of the same from the other?
Because I know how horrid it feels,
To drift aimlessly in vain...

It's not like I haven't done that before,
But it's something that has left me more torn than healed,
The expectations and promises from both sides
Weighing down on my turbid brain
Thoughts that remain unsinkable in the name of comprise and hope,
That everything will be alright one fine day.
The dismay to pay for everything in exchange of one love,
Be it friendship, the comfort when things fall apart.
Should I really turn my pain in the form of love?
For love is the pain worthwhile to feel,
But I am already full of cracks through which even if love pours,
All I feel is doubts, uncertainty and dismay.

Should I pour it in the form of friendship?
For I have encountered snakes more than I count,
If everyone is scared of the same pain why do they bother inflicting the same on others?
Mistakes are the definition of our imperfections,
Why do they forget the good times when things turn dire
and neglect our inner conscience?

Should I pour it zealously in my work?
Burn my pain with passion for fuel?
Been there, done that.
It's a matter of time before the burnout,
And that's when the pain intensifies multifolds.
Hopelessness never felt so bottomless.

So tell me...
Where shall I pour this pain?
For I can't make peace with it,
Life has never been that easy to begin with ~

Might I be a bit too cold-hearted right now,
maybe a bit confused, lost and wandering...
I mean, decadence is definitely not easy,
face after face changes, nothing is still.

Who am I? Who are you?
I don't know and I don't care,
maybe I do, but it's inaudible...

Drifting, falling, drowning, fading,
waning, losing, slipping, laughing...?

I don't make sense,
I mean, I tried, but it all falls apart...

The chaos in my veins,
Rings loud in my ears,
Sinks numb into my brain,
Wrecks my heart with fear.

Too silent, too loud...
There's nothing that I can visualize.
Me? Who I am?
You? Who are you?
Place? To call home? My own??

Escape?
Who's the one that laughs so near?

©outcastdreamer

"One fine morning,
                                      As usual Mary went for jog,
                   and while returning home, she checked the letter box,
                     Besides the usual bills, advertisements and offers
             There lay this ominous letter in black and crimson color...
                                                and of course,
             curiosity got better of her and she was ripping of the edges

                                    and on scanning the contents  
                                       she gave out a shrill cry...
                                          her fingers trembling
                                         her forehead sweating...
                                      
                                         It was a suicide letter!!
                                      A letter with news of death
                                            A letter from a man
                                                 who wrote this
                                         before his few last breaths...

                                       Slowly she read each word..
                             each one of them echoing in her head..
                                       the letter went as follows-

Dear Jane,
I love you a lot,
and I know you will be in shock and pain,
but I couldn't handle it anymore,
I found my answers in the dark,
I found solace in enternal bliss,
I just want you to stay strong,
and fulfill my last wish,
so lend me your attention, woman,
Do  you remember that old paino we have in the attic?,
I want you to gift that to my small sister,
Lily is naive and she would miss me and won't find any thing
To call her own anymore,
Give her this paino so that she may hold it dear to her heart,
If you don't do this for me,
then I am afraid my soul wouldn't rest,
and in a fortnight I would be chasing you as a ghoul,
you will always be my girl,
Love,
          Peter

                             Mary read and re-read again and again,
                             then she finally gave a sigh of relief,
                   and picked up her phone and went to do laundries,
                                                     You see,
                        the letter had reached the wrong destination.
                                               (what a irony)"

"* *Her eyes...
Realms of Illusions...
Sometimes blue, envy of the morning hue,
Sometimes green, reflecting the amazon's kin.

Her lips...
A sin to desire, to dwell, even if heaven forbid...
Her Lips..
An arc of smile that shuns off all ominous winds...

Her laughter...
Like the music of the divine...
An appetizer to my hungry soul.

Her hair,
Craving to let loose,
to break free and dance to the wind's flute...
Her Hair...
Golden strands sneaking over her bare shoulders,
giving way to run my finger's through...

Her Body,
Oh.. A sight of delight!
To see them bare.... my birth right~
Her Body...
A maze of hideous curves,
Pray to be lost in it with or without lust!

Her Skin...
Pale as the winter snow,
To touch?.... To perish and sizzle...

Her Name...
My salvation, my prayer,
my inspiration and strength...

Her Imperfections...
Some of them I connect with,
Some of them to tease her with~

Her Love...
My Sanity...
The force that brings my pieces to Integrity **~"