I thought I mattered to you
That there still was something left to save
Scared of life without your presence
Have no choice but be brave

You've made pretty evident
I am no longer what you desire
Wish I knew how you did it
So I also extinguish my fire

You do seem happier
What I want the most
Even if meaning you can only exist
In world as a translucent ghost

Bleeding out until heart's out of blood
Hoping you see
How I care and love you so
Everything you once loved about me

What we had was messy
The one thing I know is that it was true
When I look into your eyes today
Glimpse a sliver of the person I knew

But know things have changed since then
I have made a lot of mistakes
Wish I could take some of it back
No such thing as double takes

Starting to realize our time
Finally has drawn to an end
A portion of me would rather say no
Instead just play pretend

We only get so many chances
Never sure which one is last
Until it is too late and everything you need
Becomes part of the past

The scars left on my feelings
Cause me pain to this day
No matter how long spent apart
Damage determined to stay

We blame ourselves for struggles
Maybe that isn't fair
It is destiny's fault
Creating this nightmare

It seems real this time
You never are coming back
Try to hide my sorrow
I am always wearing black

Sea calm,
Crew slept,
Dark side,
Sea kept,
Tide raced,
Waves crept,
Crew woke,
Sails prepped,
Coiled spring,
Waves leapt,
Overboard,
Crew swept,
Left behind,
They wept.

For the sea has no respect
For the nautically inept …

Your long, dark eyelashes
Shadowing your eyes, warm.
Just need to glare at me
And at once I‘d yield to your charm.

Your long, black hair
Falls so elegant down your spine,
Or entwine braided around your shoulders.
Oh, I wish you‘d be mine…

Your nose dubs bold, minx,
With recalcitrance so adorable,
Enframed by freckles light
And skin so fair, what beauty pale.

Your laughter rings like small bells of bronze, light,
And your cheeks redden in your joy, even blush
And when you sit like this, dangling legs and hands in your lap,
You just can‘t hide that beauty of yours, tamed, unleashed.

Your red lips, so filled with loveliness
Smiling shy, but so adorable, in grace
Oh, what would I give for just one kiss
Oh, what would I give to see at least once your face...

The excursion of a mother commences when she EMBRACES the child as a boon,
A life long relevance emanated from your WOMB..
To enter into this wicked world i took a gap ,
To comprehend the despicable i stayed in your lap....

I ****** her blood, changed her appetite
I was no more than a PARASITE
She supplied me TONES of calcium
All my skeleton , all my FLESH she owns
She ENDURED those mood swings ,
Nausea, vomiting that i brought
He was expecting his heredity, his PRIDE
She was HAPPY that i exist,
She loved me from very start
I stole her breathe , but she embraced my heart......

From 1st trimester, because of her my heart is BEATING
If i didn't love her back that would be a CHEATING

A sense of TRUST that can't be broken ,
A depth of love sometimes UNSPOKEN....
You SACRIFICED yourself to evolve me like our heart as ONE ,,,,
A link that can never be UNDONE...

I have nothing to do.
I have nothing to say.
Maybe it's the rain. Maybe it's this exhausted feeling inside of me.
Maybe it's the day.
Hours tick by. Minutes are gone in a blink of an eye. Just because I wanted to do research on my mental illnesses.
I feel complete and bored. I wrote down everything I read.
Yet I still feel tired and useless. I didn't cure my mental illnesses by reading about them I am just more aware about them.

1.
when you're a few pages into a novel
you might decide--
is this the world i want to live in
for a week?

2.
useful or useless?
pertinent criticism
for any work of art

I stole a sheet from the test papers
For my hands are filled
Already with ink
from exhausted pens
Well, that is all I planned to say
But I must keep on this ramble
Only these words feel real
Only they keep me warm

Sun dies gently behind the clouds
And gossips scatter around
Girls in blacks
And yellows and reds
Scarves dyed in greens, browns
And blues
Intricate galaxies stitched
On their swaying tunics

I do not dissolve here
In these beautiful tides
and their slow dance
Not with a carnage stuck in my chest
Not with the bleached dawns
Rising and rising restless
And we’re all fighting, yes, we all are
Why then
Is this field so lonely?
Not a mourning, not a deafening blast
Is heard

A barricade of silence
I wrap around us
Us, I,
The boy
who constantly yells for freedom
And the girl
Who will let him not

Then again, us
I, the two children inside
One weaves a step out of his fingers
Other hops on
Peeps out of my eyes—
“Do they want me yet?”
“No”
“You, then?”
“No”
What then is wanted,
They wonder
But do not say—

It is an ungrateful inquiry
All luxuries they have known in this house
Crowns and swords, dresses, blooms
None kept from either
Why must
Then they want out?

Then the guys pass by
The scarce colours
that fill up their clothes
And hoarse laughs erupting
Their uncovered heads
And princely gaits

I belong there,
No more than here.
Not in flowers, not in bees
Do I blend
Not in capes, nor veils

No weapon I wish to hold,
Not an anklet studded with gold

In the grass, I cross my legs
Far from beetles
Far from wasps—
I watch red ants crawl up my shoes
Crush them, I do,
Casually beneath my fingers
One, then, three and more
Until dusk is silenced
by the night

Not a beetle approaches
Near
I wear the shimmering skin of a wasp
Not a wasp calls
I am skin only

Later,
The black sky comes
And takes us far.
The girl climbs up my spine
And pulls the boy along
They zip me open
And crawl out
Sit next to me, and they sing a song

I am the castle
Who could not help them live
I am the rusty duel
They were born to fight
Yet love me still, they do

And the crescent—
It is a woman nor a man
A crescent it is,
a crescent, stays

And when darkness comes
And eats the world
We join our hands
And build a softer one
But what good—

It is too dark to write now.
The lights flicker like stars
with smoke sickened
They pound in my head, pound and pound.
I hope the ramble
Was worth the theft

I never learn, I never learn
Keep mourning your ashes in the golden urn
You were the dawning sun opened wide
A purity I slaughtered for the god inside

I never fade, vague as fog, I never fade
Into the scarlet waters, I wade
Dusk weeps and deserted I wait
Wait, I wait, O timeless Patroclus, I wait

A thousand ships, all united, set sail
To free their heavenly queen and her veil
A thousand ships I could’ve let burn
Into the wretched battle had you not run

Rambles, rambles on this silent sea
Your extinguished heart will hear not a plea
You took all the humans in me along
This bleak divinity, worth not a single song

Never not do I hope, never not
I hope, I hope, in this despaired hope I rot
You lurk a painful past in my unseeing gaze
As rows upon rows of men I raze

In the halls of living, I search for your name
Your love-licked body I surrendered to my flame
I hear your starlit lips yell at me to stay
Achilles, Achilles, live, you ****** sun, they say

All my charismatic promises I forget
This wish, sweet moon, you shall not get
I tear then my heart in search of you
A river red as doom, and a stillness blue

I am here, Patroclus, now spare me this lone
My frenzied ghost screams soundless on
Our ashes kiss and kiss in the golden urn
I never learn, alas, I never learn