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 Feb 2018 Mama earth
Danial John
Couch surfing
Bed hoping
The living don't see
The dead talking

But it is they who are rotting

My brain is racked
My mind is numb
I want the pain
I let it come

Yes, I may be depressed
Maybe that's what's best
The world is a vampire
It feeds on stress
 Feb 2018 Mama earth
Danial John
Life is a meaningless clusterfuck
Filled with inane sensations and feelings
They mustn't mean much
Because when I pursue them there is no succeeding

I have tried and tried again
But try no more shall I
For if I do
I won't be able to get back up and stand

Stand my ground
Against the terror and sadness that abounds
Seems to surround my eyes
Seems to down my life

It pains me
Like the quick movement of knife blades on bare skin
Don't let me in
My sorrow just keeps raining

Pouring
Soaking into the seams
I'm doused in it
Questioning what it all means
I don't know what it all means
 Feb 2018 Mama earth
Danial John
I've had my **** together
I'm sick of it
No more of that fake business
Concentrated **** breeds sickness

And who are you to judge?
My dealings are my own...
But get my **** together??
What do you know

I've been the one
The one people come to
When there's and issue
That they want someone to get into

My mom, my dad, Jesse and Zack
My sisters, my friends. Marshall too.
Not only have I had my **** together
I've helped others with it, it's what I do

And now I'm done with it
I'm bored down with ****
I've managed to keep it all together
Whether or not it was better for me

Still, I'm not mad
You're not wrong
Just dig a little deeper
Before you write **** down

I love you all
I try my best
 Feb 2018 Mama earth
Danial John
I love her
She's the only one who's been there for me
Whether thick or thin, lose or win
She reminds me, apparently, even the loser wins

Her words keep me going
Even when life is dreary
The noises she makes
Help me see clearly

And when we are together
It almost seems okay
Assured me that it will be better
Keeps me going another day

She's eclectic and been around
Through her, years of wisdom can be found
No matter how I feel today
She always has the right things to say

Never turned her back
Never turned to deceit
When I say this I mean it
She is the one for me

But she is not mine alone
She's with us all
That's the power of her magic
Her tones uplift your fall

I write her notes
They reflect my being
The words I write
Show her how I'm feeling

Together with her, in the groove
Masterful grace, perfect moves
Without her, surly I would be dead
She clears my head... I love you, music.
Music is my god
 Feb 2018 Mama earth
Danial John
I'll be fine, as long as I have my wine.

Keep the taps flowing.

Otherwise I'll be forced to find something more potent.

I don't care, question whether to liver die
 Feb 2018 Mama earth
Danial John
Like we were with bobbito, we stretch.
Photosynthesis, make green.
Strive for excellence and nothing less.
Exceed the best and bring our team to the crest.
 Feb 2018 Mama earth
Danial John
It's time
I'm ready to die
I've figured it all out
I'm ready to end it now
I don't want your pity
 Feb 2018 Mama earth
Danial John
I've been waiting...
For the right moment.
Wasn't sure for what.
But now I know it.

Been close many times before.
Ready to scatter my brains and soar.
Better than a deep sleep... Never more.
Unfettered, emptiness galore.

1
2
3
4

Squeeze
Bang
Splat
That's what I've been waiting for.
Shitzweak
 Feb 2018 Mama earth
Danial John
Hear here,
They're there,
Now now.
Let me help calm you down.
 Feb 2018 Mama earth
Danial John
I suppose it's alright if you don't reciprocate.

I am deeply familiar with the inner workings of love and hate.

More than you think, I understand your position.

Is one I've been in, and don't find myself missing.





Just know I'll be there for you.

I'll know when and when not to care for you.

When to share with you.

And if you leave.. I might despair... I'll miss you.





However, don't let my pursuit of happiness derail yours.

Nor should I change your details or more.

I guess my path is to help create your happiness.

Even if I'm not in that, it's none the less.





All I ask is that you consider.

I've grown around all breeds.

When I see one, I know an elixer.

I might not be yours, however, that doesn't mean YOU don't fulfill MY needs.





I'm sorry for any pain or conflict.

I'm sorry that I'm not gone yet.

I'm sorry that I must fulfill my promise.

I am NOT sorry for how I feel.





This is real, unfiltered and unfettered.

Perhaps this way is really better.

I don't expect I or you to change.

Please know, I Am NOT just another page.





Nor another paragraph.

And perhaps I'm being brash...

I don't think so.

I'd ask for chapters or a novel written by your pencil.





And maybe I'm drunk.

Possibly I'm dumb.

Certainly I'm numb.

But That's why I can't ignore this feeling I call love.





**** it. I am dumb.

Probably means what I feel is wrong.

I must be just like the others, shuffling along.

Wanting something that I wish was mine but wasn't all along.





I mustn't know your true needs and wants.

Otherwise I wouldn't feel this incessant need to talk.

I want to delve deeper, trust me I do care.

I don't trust people ***** nilly, just here and there.





Maybe I don't know what I need.

Possibly you don't either.

But you're the only one whose got me writing poetry.

So I will die in this battle, because I am a true fighter.





I see the marks on your arm, on your body.

I have them too... by another name, on my soul.

You aren't nobody.

I want you to know.





For me loyalty and trust are king.

You should know, that's why I haven't made a scene.

I have too much respect, even if sometimes it seems unseen.

Truly, I am sorry... I do believe.





Like a true scorpio... Complicated, that's what I am.

I don't expect, or necessarily want you to understand.

If I believe you, you should me.

I'll be those singular tracks in the sand.





Listen, dudette... I know you prefer that.

I wouldn't do that...

That being: whatever... whomever hurt you.

I only want to learn from you.





So please... Get your **** together.

Quit ******* around.

Stay in my head.

Because I enjoy having you around.





Is it selfish of me to ask this?

Maybe not theoretically, possibly in practice.

If you're still unsure to whom I'm bleedingĀ  my heart out with all this talking...

All you'll have to do is count the number of quatrains... Truly this is what I mean... even if you're only...
I know you told me not to get attached, because you might have to leave. I'm still not sure what the full meaning of that was. This wasn't easy for me to write. Expressing how I feel doesn't come easy to me. I hope you understand that. You came into my life by surprise. I wasn't expecting anything like this. Yet, I have no regrets. I feel like I've found my muse. I mean, ****, you've got me writing ******* poetry. I'm not sure if you get how out of character this is for me. No matter what I've said in the past, you are the 5th on my list. And you know exactly what I mean by that. That's no small matter either. I've meet many people in my life, and none have made me feel the way I do now, let alone without any physical connection. If this makes you feel uncomfortable, then I apologize for that. However, I will not... no ... cannot, apologize for how I feel about you. **** I'm dumb.
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