Two fences, seperating me from the outside world.
Barbed wire, sharp razorblades.

I have an hour to breathe fresh air.
To get a sense of reality, to feel alive.

Eyes closed, in my mind I'm almost free.
No locks. No guards. No uniforms.

A brief moment. Silence.

And there it is, the sound that has defined me for years.

Keys.

Beach dress soaked from the rain.

Jumping in puddles with flip-flops while we run to the highest peak.

The high waves, the horizon and the brazilian rain.

I felt like one with the world.

The heavy rain cleansed my body from the salty ocean water.

I wish I could stand there forever,
to just watch the powerful nature work it's magic.

So soaked it felt like my whole body was made of water,
I started to shiver from the cold.

We kept running along the filthy streets.

Splashing ***** water at each other like children.

Lips blue from the cold,
yet I felt a strong fire burning inside me,
more intense than I've ever felt.

All I could think about was how beautiful life is,
it's all about moments like these.

So full of life I knew I'd always treasure the memories from this day.

Trying to run in the dark, cold night but my bleeding feet won't allow it.

My face is covered in tears and make-up, my body's shaking in fear.

It's 3AM on New years eve.

I feel so alone and broken.

Why did you let me go?
How could you let me leave?

I chose you once again,
you let me go like too many times before.

Not even a word to show that you care if I'm okey.

I wished for 2019 to show our fate.

It did.

Three hours in, I saw it all so clear.

I'm now letting you go.

The grey area is not for me.

I'm made for bright colours,
colours that you ruin with darkness.

Farewell, my grey area.

I thank you for killing my feelings for you, at last.

My plan was to enter the new year without you in it.

To let midnight's fireworks be a mark of leaving 2018 and you behind.

I can't.

It's still you.

I'll take the risk of bringing you with me to next year.

As my grey area.

I'll leave our fate in the hands of 2019.

Like two yo-yo's we're taking turns on having feelings for one another.

Will we ever meet halfway?

We spin between fear and love, but never at the same time.

The midpoint is within reach.

Yet one rope is streched while the other is wrapped tight.

I hope one day our yo-yo's get tangled so we can live in balance and harmony.

I got the chance to have you one last time.

A wake-up call for the both of us.

A different one though, you felt more.

I felt less.

I needed that one last night to realize.

You're free to go.

The words of not being good enough.
Yet you can't leave me alone.
A game without rules.
So who's winning?
Who's winning when the both of us are losing?