In elementary school
Things were so much simpler
My three titles-
Artist
Reader
Nice
-Basically defined me
In other’s eyes
...
Now,
I am lost
In a sea of people
No clear direction
No clear idea
Of who I am
Where I belong
will I ever?

To go
Or not to go
That is the question
whether tis noble in the mind
to suffer the slings and arrows
of outrageous fortune
or to take arms against
a sea of troubles
and by opposing end-

Okay guys that's enough.
Anyone recognize that?

Seriously though, should I go to the dance?

A part of me wants to
I'd get to see my friends
share experiences with them...

Another though,
Would rather stay at home
having more fun there

My mom told me I should go
try something new

But it isn't new
I went last year

It was great
But right now I'm feeling mildly invisible in my friend group

Maybe more effort is required?
To relate more with them?

But it's not due to malicious intent
Or anything

I
just
feel
invisible

I have one best friend though
But we're kind of different
It's still easy and fun
between us

She doesn't go to the dances
She doesn't wear dresses
She'd rather play video games
Watch ****** Do
Or read Agatha Christy

I have other friends too
But I don't talk to the ones I don't see everyday much

But I talk to a variety of people as well
At least,
I have people I can easily talk to

Should I go?
I probably won't be lonely
But I'd probably have at least some times
of Boredom

No

Maybe that's why I'm not going
I'm a coward

But

That isn't it
...exactly
It's sort of
laziness
combined with a mild fear
But mostly I feel I'd have more fun at home

AAAARGGH!

Somehow I seem to believe I'll have better friends in the future
Maybe
Maybe not
I think I will though

Plus, at this age
at least in all the relationships I've had

Both sides
Are SUPER self-obsessed

PEOPLE ARE SO SELF-OBSESSED
(Me included)

Alright rant over
(Probably not)

I held back the waterfall
threatening to pour
Honestly,
Is it passive resignation?
I don't believe so
It feels more like...
waiting
Taking joy in the little things
But clutching onto a hope
that the world
my world
my story
will just evolve into just about every book
I've read
A happy story
I mean-it is
But, it's imperfect
Filled with incessant
USELESS
pity parties
I'm not friendless
I'm not heart broken
I have my family
I have talent
I have resources
I live in a great community
I have a great education
Endless opportunities
At my disposal
If I just reach
But-
It's impossible to feel perfect
And impossible to shrug off the laziness
The complacency
The flaws
It's important to be greatful
And I am
If I had the opportunity to trade
I definitely wouldn't
But-
It is true that sometimes
I'm smacked in the face
with the imperfections
the flaws
of my world
that I strive towards
I must keep striving towards
...
Okay.

I feel better now.

Do you rely on this website more
To write
Or to read?
...
Equally?

Three nobles were fleeing
after the monarchy had been overthrown

Three non-polar amino acids were trying to get away
from the polar gel they were on

They were escaping through means of a merchant who dealt with the black market
He gave priority to those who paid a heftier sum

The amino acids were aided by a non-polar liquid solution
The more non-polar the amino acid the higher up the solution could get them

But alas! For the merchant lacked the resources to
get the nobles out of danger

The amino acids all eventually reached the top of the gel sheet
But they would need extra aid to go over the top

And that is my science class

When I was young enough to remember
my dad told be not to be one
an "also ran"

It was only when I was older
I understood
...
She is a swimmer who has been to state
I also swam
...
She's gotten second place in piano state
I also played
...
She's the varsity goalie and incredibly athletic
I'm also a goalie
...
He's our debate team co-head and one of our best
I also debate
...
She's amazing at writing poetry
I also write
...
Her squash team got second in the state
I also play squash
...
She was the lead of the musical
I was also in the musical
...
I could keep going
But I think you get the point
...
So what,
if I've tried everything
do everything
know everything?

I have to find
that one thing I'll be the best at
...
...
...
I can't always be an also ran

I know him from Debate
I know her since we share a similar name
I know them from playback theater
I know him from the musical last year
I know her from squash
I know them from my old school
...
You may think I'm a social butterfly
But,
that's not the case

I know him being, 'I know he's very polite but easily argumentative from my one word interactions with him and he's dated one of my friends'

I know her being 'I've heard of her from others who confuse our names but I've never really spoken with her except for exclaiming over our names'

I know them being 'I came to the meeting and listened quietly eating bagels as they spouted all the ideas'

I know him being 'my friend talked to him and I was there, we had to **** each other during one of the acts'

I know her being 'I finished my squash match early and watched her play hers'

I know them being 'they knew me as the shy girl who likes to read, I know them as people I inevitably talked to during school activities in our small grade'

It's unfortunate
really,
when I think

I could be great friends with these guys
If
I
only
stopped
being
so
self
conscious