My tears have caught in my eye sockets,
Far back where they cannot pass.
I yearn for the temporary relief of their flowing,
But that relief would not last.

Once the tears dried up,
Resolve trickling back into my mind,
Self-hatred would be the only feeling,
The only thing I would find.

So, crying is not worth it,
Though I feel ready to explode.
I have run far from my past,
When the tears always flowed.

To return now, to break down my wall,
Of cold, placid emotion,
I think that would be a fall,
Some sort of pitiful demotion.

Rib cages are meant to protect our hearts,
Shield them from possible danger.
I must not have received that part,
For pain has been no stranger.

I think it shriveled up,
As it met the the cruelty of life,
Met the guilt that comes with death,
The emptiness that comes with strife.

What does that make me,
To exist without a heart?
It means I am nothing,
My life has lost its art.

Bipolar sunshine;
Life's periodic lullabies
Changing me,
Waking me from ash to animal,
Trapped in the cage
Of my past lies,
Present cries,
Future demise.

But underneath this skin,
I'm still a human;
Boats of evergreen
Floating on tideless seas,
Yet I think I'm dying,
Unready for breathing;
Wild waters, blood oceans;
Mind lost, nightmares healing.

The damage you cause for me,
With that I can learn to live.
But don't you dare bestow that pain,
To outsiders who only give.

You weave a nasty web within this house,
Everyone follows your cruel law.
I won't let you give that pain
To an outsider whose emotions are raw.

I can tell when someone has endured enough,
When they have felt bad feelings,
And I won't let your destructive addiction,
Destroy this person's process of healing.

Mama bears don't turn their claws on their cubs,
So stop using that excuse to condone your actions.
Or believe me, you weak woman,
You will get an undesired reaction.

Babbling like a fool,
Proving myself a tool,
I see judgment in those eyes,
I know I am despised.

My mouth closes then,
This is not my friend.
They think I am dumb,
I feel oh so numb.

Mouth, know your place,
It is inferior, like your face.
Please, get in line,
That disdain is a sign.

Speaking is not meant for me,
I am a total freak.
They know it on sight,
My chest is so tight.

Put me out of my suffering,
Their judgment is puncturing.
Their eyes are deadly blades,
I wish that I could fade.

Strength does not just exist,
It grows over time,
And if you poison the soil,
It will never transcend grime.

Flowers spring up when nurtured,
But wither away when left alone;
Winter will **** them also,
This has been continually shown.

The process needs the right environment,
Or it will never be completed.
And as you pick yourself up from the dirt,
You will wonder why you are always defeated.

Whenever I must add new people to my life,
I feel that it is my duty to be my most likable version,
And because of that, I wear makeup, straighten my hair,
And lose myself in aesthetic immersion.

I feel better when I feel pretty,
And that breaks my heart.
I never thought my happiness,
Was such a simple and vain art.